I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Emery’s POV

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“You really need to stop eating that, if it looks like you’re one second from puking.”

“What?” he said with a straight face, holding the burrito up like a trophy. “It tastes amazing.”

I gave him the look. You know, the classic “try again, liar” glare. His act cracked in half as he sighed dramatically and dropped the burrito back onto the paper tray like it had personally betrayed him.

“I knew it,” I muttered, shaking my head.

Atlas reached for his water bottle and took a long gulp, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he drank. When he set it down, he leaned back on the bench with that signature smirk tugging at his lips.

“Okay, Chef Ramsey,” he teased, “your taste buds might need just a tiny bitsy touch-up.”

I rolled my eyes so hard it nearly hurt. “Wow. Coming from the guy who just violated my amazing burrito with ketchup and mustard masterpiece.”

He grinned wider, biting back a laugh. But then his tone shifted, just slightly. “Next time I’ll have a better reaction.”

I raised a brow at him. “Next time? Wait, do you seriously intend on training your taste buds to like that weird ketchup-mustard mix just so you can survive my burrito habits?”

He nodded, all proud like it was the noblest sacrifice anyone’s ever made.

“Why on earth would you do that?” I asked, half-laughing, fully confused.

That’s when his smile softened. Not the usual cocky Atlas grin, but something quieter. Sincere.

“Because the next time you wanna have a burrito,” he said, “I wanna be the first person you think about.”

I froze.

My fingers tightened around my water bottle, and suddenly the air around us felt… thicker. That one sentence flipped something inside me. Maybe it was a joke, maybe it was just another one of his flirty lines, but he wasn’t laughing. His eyes were serious. Steady.

And I…well, I had to look away.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and focused really hard on my food, pretending my heart wasn’t absolutely losing it. My cheeks were burning, my chest fluttering like it forgot how to act normal.

Nope. Not gonna think about it. Ignoring it. Goodbye, weird feelings.

Once I finished eating, I leaned back and sighed in satisfaction. Happy girl, happy meal. Pa Tito’s food really was the best thing I’d had in weeks.

14:53 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 40

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Atlas paid for both of us, and we said goodbye to Pa Tito and Maria. The drive back to campus was comfortably quiet. The windows were rolled down a little, and the cool night air filled the car. Outside, the sky was navy blue, scattered with stars. I watched them pass by through the window, my body full of food and sleepiness.

I didn’t even realize I’d knocked out until my eyes fluttered open to the glow of morning light.

I was in my bed.

In my room.

My blanket was pulled over me. My shoes were off. My phone sat on the nightstand.

And Atlas… was gone.

***

“Because the next time you wanna have burritos, I wanna be the…”

SPLASH.

The water swallowed the rest of Atlas’s voice as I dove in, cutting through the pool like it held the answers to all my problems.

My arms sliced forward, legs kicking in rhythm. One breath. Two. Stroke. Flip. Push. Harder. My lungs burned, but I didn’t slow. The water roared in my ears, and all I could think was faster. Just a little faster. Prove them wrong.

When I finally touched the wall and pushed my goggles up, my chest heaved. My heartbeat thudded in my ears louder than the splash of the next swimmer coming in. I blinked the water out of my eyes, adrenaline still buzzing as I looked toward the deck, silently begging for good news.

Please let it be good.

“Collins!” Sam shouted from where she crouched with the stopwatch. “Second. Aisha beat you by three seconds!”

My stomach dropped.

Three seconds.

Not terrible. But not good either. It was just… okay. And okay wasn’t enough.

Coach had paired us off with seniors to evaluate our progress, see how we stacked under pressure. Aisha was a beast in the water, but still. Three seconds?

I forced a tight smile and gave Jazz a thumbs up even though my insides twisted. My muscles ached. My chest was tight. My head spun with every “what if.”

I pulled myself out of the water, the cool air clinging to my soaked skin. Water dripped from my arms as I adjusted my swim cap and stood straight, trying to mask the growing knot in my throat.

14:53 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 40

God, what happened to me?

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There was a time I dominated every swim meet. People would whisper about “Collins the Shark” before I even stepped onto the deck. But now?

Now I was average.

Now I was slipping.

You’re not that girl anymore, a voice whispered. You’re just barely keeping up.

I’d been working my ass off. Studying late, watching form breakdowns on YouTube, staying back after practice until my arms felt like jelly. I even wrote out drills in a freaking notebook.

And still.

“Collins,” Coach called, his voice sharp as he waved a hand toward his office.

Crap.

I inhaled deeply, squeezing water out of the ends of my ponytail. My heart gave a hard thud as I stepped forward, the tiles slick beneath my feet. Every eye on the team felt like it was burning into my back.

I didn’t meet anyone’s gaze.

Instead, I rolled my shoulders back, lifted my chin, and walked toward the office like I wasn’t already unraveling.

Like I wasn’t terrified he’d say I didn’t belong here.

My heart was pounding as I stepped into Coach’s office. The sharp scent of chlorine still clung to me, mixing with nerves that curled low in my stomach.

Coach looked up from his clipboard. “Emery, I—”

“I know, Coach,” I cut in before I could chicken out. “I’ve been terrible.”

His brows lifted.

“I mean, you’ve been nothing but nice to me and patient, and it’s been over a month, and I still haven’t beat anyone in practice, but I promise I’m trying-”

“Emery.”

I froze.

His tone wasn’t angry, but it had that quiet authority that made me instantly shut up. I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard, suddenly aware of the water dripping from my suit onto the tile floor.

He leaned back in his chair, arms folded. “I didn’t call you in to scold you.”

14:53 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 40

I blinked. “You… didn’t?”

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Coach shook his head, and for a second, his mouth quirked like he was trying not to smile. “If anything, I should applaud you.”

I blinked again, stunned silent.

“I see how late you stay for extra practice. I see how hard you’re pushing. That kind of work ethic? That tells me you want to get better.”

Not just better.

The best.

I didn’t say it out loud, but something warm bloomed in my chest. Finally, someone noticed. Finally, my 2 AM muscle cramps and midnight video replays were more than just desperation in the dark.

“Thanks, Coach,” I said, trying to hide how much that actually meant.

He nodded. Then his next words completely sucker-punched me.

“That’s why I want you to swim the 100 free in the Cal U dual meet. It’s three weeks from now.”

I blinked.

Wait. WHAT?

My brain flatlined.

The Cal U meet? As in…an actual competition? Against a school with Olympic-hopeful swimmers?

“Coach, I… I’m not ready.” My throat felt dry. “I’ve barely done well in practice. I can’t…Jazlyn is faster, and she has a better split time-why not her?”

“Collins,” he said, voice tightening. That low tone that let you know you were this close to pushing your luck.

straightened reflexively. “Yes, sir.”

“Do you know why I called you in?”

I nodded hesitantly.

“Then, instead of excuses, I expect you to be prepared. You’ve got three weeks. That’s more than enough if you put in the work.”

Just as he said it, there was a knock on the door. A second later, Sophie stepped in, perfect posture, sleek ponytail, expression unreadable as always.

Coach looked up. “Perfect timing, Jones. I need you to train with Emery. Help her prep for the 100 free against Cal U.”

Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 40

My heart sank.

Of course.

Sophie freaking Jones.

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The team captain. The queen of cold shoulders. The girl who never laughed at my jokes and always, always pretended not to see me when we crossed paths on campus.

She nodded once, expression cool. “Got it, Coach.”

Great. Just great.

I managed a stiff smile and looked down at the floor so no one would see the panic rising behind my eyes.

Coach clapped his hands once. “You two get started this week. Dismissed.”

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