I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Emery’s POV

:

I woke to the sound of his heartbeat.

Soft. Steady. Warm.

69

55 vouchers

Atlas was still asleep, one arm lazily draped around my waist, his chest rising and falling underneath my cheek like the world wasn’t weighing him down for once.

After everything last night, the screaming, the breakdown, I asked if I could sleep in his room. He didn’t even hesitate. Just nodded, shifted over, and let me in.

And somehow… I slept…Actually peaceful sleep. No nightmares. No racing thoughts. No voices pulling me under.

Just peace.

Just him.

I slowly slid away, careful not to wake him. His hand twitched like he almost reached for me again, but I tiptoed across the room and gently shut his door behind me.

After a very necessary shower, I threw on comfy jeans and a faded tee, tugged my hair into a lazy ponytail, and slipped on my sneakers. I grabbed my bag, checked my phone, and headed out.

Atlas wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room. Probably still asleep.

Not that I was thinking about him.

… Okay, I was.

Again.

I couldn’t help it. His voice kept playing in my head like some soft playlist stuck on repeat.

“I could start by telling you every day how amazing you are.”

“I could bring you here, whenever you need, to scream out your lungs… until everything feels a little less heavy,”

“I could… kiss you… whatever you want.”

Like… what was that? A full emotional support speech wrapped in a husky voice with bedroom eyes?

And why the hell was I remembering it word for word?

I didn’t even know what came over me, but I trusted him. Every single thing he said.

15:02 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 52

…

And damn it…he meant it.

69

E55 vouchers

Now I totally understood why girls at Linchester literally threw themselves at him. It wasn’t just the hockey muscles or the pretty face or the perfect GPA. It was the way he made you feel.

Safe.

Heard.

Like you mattered.

Hold up.

Why did Atlas have so many good qualities? That’s not fair. He had to have a flaw. Everyone has flaws.

Maybe he chewed too loud.

Maybe he left wet towels on the bed.

Maybe-

“Emery.”

I blinked and looked up to find Jazz beside me, her hair still dripping from swim practice.

Crap. Right. I was with people.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

Jazz smirked. “What’s got you so lost in thought?”

Before I could answer, Sam showed up out of nowhere like a chaotic golden retriever, throwing her arms around my shoulders.

“Could be a who,” she said, narrowing her eyes with suspicion.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, narrowing mine right back.

Sam pulled away, turning around so she was walking backward in front of us, full smirk activated.

“A certain hockey-playing, charming, smart, sexy-in-an-annoying-way-”

My heart stopped.

Was she talking about Atlas?

“Howard,” she finished with a dramatic wink.

Oh. Howard… Of course. Right. Duh.

“Wait, what are you even talking about?”

15:02 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 52

Jazz snorted. “Girl. Please. Don’t play dumb. We saw you last weekend.”

69

55 vouchers

Sam gasped theatrically, hands to her chest. “You mean the dry humping incident of the century?”

My mouth dropped open. “Oh my god, we were not dry humping!”

Jazz raised a brow. “Yeah, totally. Rubbing your ass on his crotch like a damn mixer, not dry humping at all.”

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “I hate both of you.”

“Do you hate us,” Sam said sweetly, “or do you hate that we’re right?”

I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my ancestors.

Then Sam leaned in, eyes glinting. “So tell us, Emmy Bear… is it true? Do the athletes carry the full Olympic package? Should I be scouting for a hot hockey boyfriend?”

I choked. “Okay, perverts, I’m not answering that.”

Jazz and Sam groaned in sync.

“Ugh, no fair,” Sam whined.

“You can’t tease us with dry humpgate 2.0 and then go all virginal nun mode on us,” Jazz added, dramatically wiping fake tears.

I laughed, shoving Sam’s shoulder. “I literally hate you both.”

“Love you more,” Sam grinned, looping her arm through mine.

“Speaking of the devil,” Jazz said, wiggling her brows with way too much excitement.

I followed her line of sight, and yep…there he was.

Howard.

Hair still damp from practice, dressed in a fitted hoodie and joggers, backpack slung over one shoulder, and that same sweet smile on his face that somehow made my stomach do a full cartwheel.

“Howard hiiii,” Sam sing-songed, her grin practically touching her ears.

Howard smiled at the three of us, but his eyes landed on me, soft, focused, like he didn’t even notice anyone else.

“Hi,” he said, voice low and kind of shy.

“Hi,” I replied, trying not to sound like I was choking on my own tongue,

Jazz suddenly elbowed Sam, then, like the worst actresses in the history of improv, Jazz said, “Oh, look at the time! Sam, we’ve got that thing… with Professor Norman?”

15:03 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 52

:.

Sam blinked. “We do…wait, oh. Ohhh! Right. The super important… science-y thing.”

69

55 vouchers

Jazz yanked her by the wrist before she could kill the moment further, and with a not-so-subtle wink, they

vanished.

Howard let out a soft laugh as we watched them go. “She knows she’s not subtle, right?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, nodding. “Yeah… we don’t tell her. It’s funnier that way.”

We fell into step together, walking down the paved path in silence, the kind that wasn’t awkward but definitely wasn’t chill either. The tension buzzed lightly in the air, unspoken, a little anxious, a little hopeful.

Eventually, we reached the grassy area near the edge of campus, the sun peeking through the clouds just enough to make everything look kind of golden. We found an empty bench, and sat.

He cleared his throat, fingers fidgeting with the drawstring of his hoodie.

“I, um… I hope you got home safe the other night.”

“Oh. Um, yeah. I did.”

And cue the guilt. Thick. Heavy. Loud.

I had made out with him like I meant it, because I did, then totally freaked, ran off like a maniac, and ghosted his text like a professional coward.

Congratulations, Emery.

You win Bitch of the Year…again.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted, just as he said, “I was wondering…”

We both paused. He tilted his head, letting me go first.

“I messed up. I know I did. I kissed you and then just… bolted. No explanation. And I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you, Howard. I just…my brain was overloaded and everything felt like too much. I had a lot going on.”

He smiled, that soft, understanding smile that somehow made me feel even worse.

“Emery, it’s cool,” he said gently. “I understand. It was just a drunken mistake.”

I blinked. “No. It’s not.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly, clearly surprised. “What?”

My heart pounded so loud I swore he could hear it.

“I don’t regret it, Howard.”

His eyes widened, caught off guard. “Oh.”

15:03 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 52

“Do you?” I asked, forcing myself to meet his gaze.

VERIFYCAPTCHA_LABELVerify