I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 85

Chapter 85

Chapter 85

Atlas POV

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I’ve always laid in my bed alone. Ever since I was old enough to stop crawling into my mom’s room after a nightmare.

And yet… no night has ever felt this damn empty.

I turned my head, eyes landing on the untouched half of my bed. I stared at it too long…long enough to see her there. Emery.

Golden hair falling across the pillow. Big green eyes looking at me like I’m something worth staying for. Pink lips parted, soft and tempting.

My chest tightened.

I wanted to hold her. Feel her body pressed into mine. Breathe in her warmth. Count her heartbeats like they’re the only time that matters.

Before I can overthink it, I throw my covers off and swing my legs to the floor. She’s just next door.

Ford’s beach house is huge enough, no one will notice me sneaking across the hall like some lovesick idiot. Which lets face it, I definitely am.

I reach for the doorknob and open it quietly, the soft creak sounding a hell of a lot louder than it probably is. My heart’s already racing, thudding in my chest like I’ve just sprinted laps around the damn rink.

One step. Two.

I stop.

Her door’s right in front of me.

My hand lifts halfway, ready to knock, but I freeze. Fingers hovering inches from the wood, chest rising and falling a little too fast.

My brows furrow.

What the hell are you doing?

If she’s asleep, I’d be waking her up for what…?

To say I miss you?

To lie and tell her I had some dumb nightmare so I can crawl into bed next to her like a coward with feelings I can’t name out loud?

I let out a shaky breath, my hand falling to my side.

15:20 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 85

My knuckles clench.

I should go back.

This is stupid.

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I stare at the door like it might answer all the questions racing through my head. My jaw tightens, and I rake a hand through my hair, pacing one step back, then forward again like I’m stuck in some invisible war.

Just knock.

But I don’t.

With a sigh, I stepped back and turned toward my room, before I could stop myself.

I flopped onto the bed, arms spread out, staring up at the ceiling. But my eyes slipped shut almost instantly, like they knew exactly what I needed to see.

Her.

That damn smile of hers.

The way she laughed with Sam and Jazz at the bonfire earlier, throwing her head back like she didn’t have a single care in the world.

God, she was something else.

I opened my eyes again, staring blankly at the ceiling, chest tight. And just like the heavens decided to throw me a bone…ping…her name lit up my screen.

The message? Chaotic. Absolutely adorable. So her.

My heart swelled. Without even thinking, my thumbs moved across the screen.

Me: Can I come over?

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

My heart slammed so loud in my chest I swore the entire beach house could hear it. I waited, staring at the screen, suddenly second-guessing myself.

Did I overstep? Should I have just kept that to myself? Was I being too…

Sure.

One word. That’s all it took. And just like that, every ounce of fear vanished.

15:20 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 85

The door opened almost immediately.

And there she was.

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Golden hair pulled up in that messy high ponytail that always made the back of her neck look unfairly kissable. Oversized sleep shirt slipping off one shoulder. Bare legs. Bare feet. Cheeks already blooming pink the second her big green eyes locked on mine.

I forgot how to breathe.

She blinked up at me, lips parting slightly, and I swear my knees almost gave out. I tried to play it cool, leaned one shoulder against the doorframe, crossed my arms like I hadn’t just sprinted here like a man running out of oxygen.

“Hey,” I managed. My voice came out rougher than I wanted.

“H-hi,” she said, stepping aside. “Come in.”

I did. Slowly. Casually. Like I wasn’t five seconds from throwing her on the bed ripping of her PJ and fucking her so good.

Get it together, Lawson.

***

I loved when she flushed just like she was doing, cheeks blooming that perfect rose-pink, the color creeping down her throat and disappearing under her sleep shirt. God, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do so much more than kiss her. I wanted to drag my mouth down that flushed skin, taste every inch of heat, pin her to the nearest wall and find out exactly how loud she could get when she stopped holding back.

But I had to control myself.

Thankfully I spotted the eyelash.

I reached up slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wanted. She didn’t.

“Make a wish,” I murmured, voice already lower than it should’ve been, thumb and forefinger hovering near her cheek.

She scoffed, but the sound was breathy, unsteady. “That doesn’t work, Atlas.”

I shrugged, letting my fingers brush the soft skin just under her eye as I carefully plucked the lash. “Only one way to find out.”

She studied me for a second, and I half-expected her to roll her eyes or call me an idiot. But instead, she slowly shut her eyes.

And my heart literally stopped beating.

She looked beautiful no she looked Ethereal… Her exposed neck staring right at me like it was begging for a touch of my lips. Lashes dark against flushed skin. Those pink lips parted just enough that I could see the wet

15:21 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 85

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shine of her tongue behind them. I traced every goddamn detail with my eyes, memorized the tiny beauty mark just below the corner of her mouth, the way her throat moved when she swallowed, the faint tremor running through her shoulders.

I was so hard it hurt.

Her eyes opened.

Caught me dead to rights, pupils blown, staring at her mouth like I was starving.

My cheeks burned. I cleared my throat and looked away, awkward as hell for a second. But my eyes found hers again like they physically couldn’t stay gone for long.

“What’d you wish for?” I asked, trying to play it cool even though my voice came out lower than expected.

She smirked. “Wishes are private.”

I fake-gasped. “Hey, no fair.”

She laughed, biting her lip just slightly. “Okay, fine. Let’s make a deal. If it happens… I’ll tell you it was my wish.”

My grin was instant. “Deal.”

***

As the minutes passed, we fell into easy conversation…laughter, random stories, and quiet moments. Now we lay on the bed, sheets tangled, talking about nothing and everything.

“Wait, what?” She pushed off my chest completely now, sitting up so she could stare down at me properly. Her green eyes went wide. “You’re joking, right?”

I couldn’t help the slow grin that spread across my face. God, I loved catching her off guard like this. “Nope.”

She blinked. Once. Twice. “So you’re seriously telling me… you knew the answer to that last question on the calc final…the one that literally everyone in the class missed, and you just… threw it? On purpose? You took a 99 instead of a 100 so I could get first?”

I shrugged one shoulder, still smiling like an idiot. “Yeah.”

“Why the hell would you do that?” Her voice climbed half an octave, somewhere between disbelief and outrage. “I spent weeks studying for that test. Weeks, Atlas. And you knew the answer but decided to tank it anyway?”

I reached up, hooked my fingers around her waist, and tugged her back down before she could get too far away. She let out a little surprised huff as she landed against me again, chest to chest.

“Easy,” I murmured, sliding my hand up her back, fingers threading into her ponytail. “I missed you being this close already.”

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