Pursuing My Rejected Luna by Cara Anderson novel Chapter 181

Chapter 181

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After hearing the conversation in the hall, I give up on going after Nicolai, I go straight to find Dimitri instead.

“The pack is talking,” A statement, not a question.

He doesn’t pretend not to know what I mean. “Yes. They are.”

“I have a pretty good idea what they’re saying after the conversation I just overheard but,” I stare him down, “Tell me what you’re hearing.”

“Nothing formal,” he says. “But there are questions. About the arrangement. What it means. What it says about ” He stops.

“About Nicolai,” I say. “About whether he can hold his mate.”

“Something like that.” Dimitri is careful. “You’ve earned goodwill here. More than you know. But goodwill isn’t unlimited, and perception is-”

“A currency,” I finish. “I know.”

I know what we’re costing Nicolai. Not just emotionally. Publicly. Politically. In the currency that Alphas trade in.

I know this. And I’ve been carrying it alongside everything else I’ve been carrying and I haven’t said it out loud because saying it out loud makes it more real.

“Dimitri, do you think this is a mistake?” I ask earnestly.

He studies me for a long moment.

“No,” he eventually answers. “I think it’s one of the most complicated things I’ve watched anyone try to build. But I don’t think it’s a mistake.” He pauses, collecting his thoughts. “I think the people who do things that don’t fit the frame are usually the ones who eventually change the frame. And in my observation, they’re happier for it.”

I nod, but… “Does Nicolai think it’s a mistake?”

“Ask him,” Dimitri says. “If he does, he’ll tell you.”

I retreat back to the nursery with Benji. After the way Nicolai walked out earlier, I’m not so sure Dimitri is right about asking him, but I do know now isn’t the time. So as much as it hurts, I decide the best thing I can do is stay out of his way.

If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.

I’m sitting on the floor, giving Benji his tummy time while openly pouting, when my phone buzzes with an incoming call. It’s Jaxon, and a thrilling shiver shoots through me at the prospect of seeing his face, hearing his voice. But it’s quickly overshadowed by the realization that he’s not calling for me.

He’s calling to see his son, which is the standing arrangement when he can’t be here. So I pull him into my lap and make sure the camera is focused on him, letting him babble away and reach for his father’s face on the phone.

But Benji’s portion of the call lasts approximately four minutes before Benji decides he’s said what he needed to say and the conversation continues without him. Jaxon looks tired, a tightness around his eyes that I’ve learned to read.

“How are you?” He still asks about me when he’s clearly the one who’s stressed.

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“How bad is it?” I ask, ignoring his question altogether. He raises an eyebrow, at my deflection, but answers anyway.

“Manageable,” he states. “People want simple explanations. I don’t have one.”

“What are you telling them?” It’s probably none of my business but I ask anyway.

“That I’m trying to be present for my son and handling pack business remotely while we sort out the longer-term arrangement.” He adjusts the angle of the camera. “Some of them believe it. The ones who want to.”

“What about the others?”

“The others won’t be satisfied no matter what I say. They’ll just have to accept what I give them. I’m still their Alpha.” He holds my gaze through the screen, daring me to avoid his question again. “Now tell me how things are there?”

“Complicated,” I say simply. “It’s hard but Nicolai and I are talking. Trying anyway.”

“Good,” he bobs his head. Then adds quietly: “I meant what I said. Before I left.”

“I know,” I whisper back.

We stare into each other’s eyes, not saying anything more. But we don’t look away either.

When the call ends I sit for a moment with the warmth of the bond and the memory of his feelings for me reflected in his eyes.

And the knowledge that I need to tell Nicolai about it and have no idea how.

Nicolai walks into the nursery just as I’m hanging up the phone, saving me the trouble of hunting him down. His eyes narrow as he tracks the phone in my hand.

“He called,” I say. “To check on Benji… and me.”

Nicolai crosses his arms, closing himself off to me, and I hate it. “What did he say?”

“That he meant what he said. Before he left.” I meet his eyes, even though it hurts to see how my words affect him. “That he wants me.”

Something moves across Nicolai’s face. His jaw does the thing-tightens, the muscle twitching. And then he drops his arms and takes a step forward, but it’s too controlled, the way he gets when he’s containing something rather than letting it go.

“Nicolai-” My voice cracks and I stop.

“What did you say back?” He probes.

“Nothing,” I tell him. “We just… sat there, letting the bond speak for us until the call ended.”

“Nothing,” he repeats, doubtful.

“Nothing.” I repeat.

He turns away from me. Toward the window. His hand on the cool glass-not slamming, just resting, but pressing.

“Tell me how you felt,” he says. “When he said it. Don’t hide it from me.”

My heart plummets as I answer him, knowing I can’t lie. “Like I could breathe. Like the thing that’s been constricting my chest let go a little.”

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The silence that follows is different from the silences we’ve had. Not comfortable. Charged in a way they haven’t been before.

“Nicolai-” His name is a plea on my lips.

“Do you understand what you’re asking of me?” He turns. Not cold-this isn’t the cold version. This is something rawer. “Do you understand what it costs? Not just personally. Publicly. Politically. My pack is questioning my leadership because I have another Alpha’s mate under my roof and they see you spending time with him, notice the way you look at him. My allies are calling with politely worded concerns that are actually poorly worded accusations. My enemies-” He stops, takes a breath. “My enemies are sharpening their spears, Skye!”

“I know,” I sob quietly. “I know what it costs. And I’m asking you to pay it anyway, and I know that’s-”

“Selfish?” He cuts me off. “You’re asking me to share my mate. Nevermind what that does to my heart. This world no longer openly acknowledges arrangements like this. People will use it against me. And for what? A man who spent three years destroying you and who has only recently become someone who might be worthy of your time? Convenient, don’t you think?” His voice is controlled and underneath the control something is breaking. “And you’re telling me it makes you feel like you can breathe when he says he wants you.”

“Yes,” I say. Because I won’t lie. Not now.

The word lands between us. He’s quiet for a long moment.

“I want to know something.” His voice has turned to steel, a tone he’s never used with me. “And I want the truth.”

“Okay.” I breathe. It’s the least I owe him.

“If I said I couldn’t do this-if I said I’d reached my limit, that I’d tried and I couldn’t-would you stop pursuing him? Would you choose between us?”

That’s the last thing I expected him to ask. And it’s a good question.

Would I choose?

Cara Anderson Author

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