The Hockey Roommate's Filthy Desire novel Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

ARIA’S POV

Luca’s eyes darkened the moment the words left my mouth. “I love Julian now.”

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For a second, just a second, I saw something crack in his expression. But it disappeared just as quickly as it came, replaced by something colder.

Something dismissive. “That’s a lie,” he said flatly.

My brows furrowed. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” he continued, his voice calm but laced with certainty. “You’re lying.” He stepped closer again, like he hadn’t just been pushed back by everything I said.

“You’re just saying that so I’ll back off,” he added. “So I won’t come near you again.”

A bitter laugh slipped past my lips before I could stop it. “You really think everything revolves around you, don’t you?”

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t deny it. “You haven’t moved on,” he said, ignoring my words completely. “Not that fast. You can’t go from me to him overnight, Aria.”

Something about that, his tone, his certainty, lit a fire in my chest. “I’m not that same girl anymore,” I said firmly. That made him pause. Just slightly.

“I’m not the one who stood around waiting for scraps of your attention,” I continued, my voice steady despite the storm building inside me. “And I’m definitely not the one who lets you decide how I feel.”

His gaze sharpened. “And for the record,” I added, lifting my chin, “Julian sees me. For who I am.” That

hit something. I saw it. The way his expression flickered.

But this time… I didn’t wait for him to respond. I pushed past him. Hard. My shoulder brushed against his as I moved, ignoring Serena’s sharp intake of breath, ignoring the tension I left behind.

I walked straight to my table, grabbed my books, and didn’t look back. Not at him. Not at her. Not at anything. Because if I did… I might break all over again.

I didn’t make it far. The moment I stepped out of the library, everything I had been holding in came crashing down. Hard. Fast. Unforgiving.

My steps slowed. Then stopped. My chest tightened painfully as Luca’s words replayed in my head. You’re lying. You haven’t moved on. You can’t go from me to him overnight.

A shaky breath left my lips. Why did it still hurt? Why did he still have that effect on me? My grip tightened around the books in my hands as my

vision blurred.

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Chapter 38

“God…” I whispered, my voice breaking. The pain wasn’t just from what he said. It was from what I had realized. He knew. He had always known.

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And still… he chose to treat me like I didn’t matter. Like I was just there. Just… convenient. A sob caught in my

throat.

I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t be around people. I couldn’t pretend like I was okay. Not right now. Not

like this.

Without thinking, I turned and walked toward the exit, my steps quick, uneven. I didn’t wait for anyone. Didn’t call Julian. I just left.

By the time I got back to the apartment, I was barely holding it together. The door shut behind me with a soft click. And that was it.

The last bit of control I had snapped. I dropped my books somewhere near the entrance and walked straight to the balcony like something was pulling me there.

The air outside was cool, the faint scent of rain still lingering from earlier. But I didn’t feel any of it. I sank to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as the first sob broke free.

Then another. And another. Until I couldn’t stop. I cried loudly. Broken. Uncontrolled. The kind of crying that came from deep within your chest, the kind that made your entire body shake.

“How could you…” I choked out between sobs. “How could you know… and still do that to me…” My voice cracked painfully. “Was I that easy to ignore?” I whispered, tears streaming endlessly down my face.

The thought hurt more than anything. Was I ever enough? Or was I just… there? A backup plan. A safe option. Someone he could always return to when he felt like it.

A broken laugh slipped through my tears. “I hate this…” I cried. “I hate how much it still hurts…” I buried my face in my arms, my shoulders shaking violently as everything poured out of me.

didn’t care how loud I was. Didn’t care if anyone heard. I just… needed it out. I needed the pain to leave. But it didn’t.

It stayed. Heavy. Crushing. And I didn’t even realize how loud I had gotten… until I felt it. A hand on my shoulder. Warm. Steady.

My sobs hitched as my body stilled for a second.

Slowly… I lifted my head. And there he was. Julian.

Squatting in front of me, his brows drawn tight, his eyes scanning my face with something that made my chest ache all over again.

Concern. Real concern. “Hey…” his voice was softer than I had ever heard it. That was all it took.

Another sob tore through me as I leaned forward without thinking.

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Chapter 38

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And he caught me. Instantly. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him, holding me close like I might fall apart if he didn’t. “It’s okay,” he murmured, his hand coming up to cradle the back of my head. “I’ve got you.”

I shook my head against him, my fingers clutching tightly onto his shirt as my tears soaked into the fabric. “It’s not okay…” I cried.

“I know,” he said quietly, his hand moving in slow, comforting circles on my back. “Just let it out.” And I did. I cried into him like he was the only thing keeping me grounded.

Like he was the only thing holding me together. He didn’t ask questions. Didn’t push. Didn’t interrupt. He just stayed. He just held me. Anchored me. And slowly… my sobs began to quiet.

My breathing steadied just a little. After a while, I pulled back, my face flushed and wet with tears. Julian didn’t move away. His hands stayed on my arms, steady and warm as his eyes searched mine.

“What happened?” he asked softly. I didn’t answer.

I couldn’t. Because right now… words didn’t feel enough. Instead, I just looked at him. Really looked at him.

At the way he was watching me like I mattered. Like I wasn’t invisible. Like I wasn’t just… an option.

My chest tightened. But this time… it wasn’t painful.

It was something else.

Something warm. Something terrifying. Maybe…

Maybe he was right. Maybe I didn’t have to keep holding onto something that had only ever hurt me.

Maybe I didn’t have to keep running. My heart pounded as the thought settled in. And before I could overthink it, before fear could stop me, I moved.

Closing the distance between us. And then, I crashed my lips against his. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t careful. It was messy. Emotional. Desperate.

Everything I couldn’t say… poured into that kiss. For a second, Julian froze. Completely still. Like he hadn’t expected it. Like he wasn’t sure if it was real.

But then, his grip on me tightened. And something shifted. The air between us changed instantly. And at that moment, I knew.

There was no going back.

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