The Hockey Roommate's Filthy Desire novel Chapter 63

Chapter 63

Chapter 63

ARIA’S POV

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I didn’t know how long I stayed like that, curled up on the hotel bed, staring at nothing, feeling everything.

The silence pressed in on me, heavy and suffocating, broken only by the occasional sound of cars passing outside. My chest ached in a way I didn’t understand.

Why did it hurt this much?

Julian was everything I had warned myself about. He was dangerous, possessive, and overwhelming. Loving him was never supposed to be easy.

So why did losing him feel like I had lost a part of myself?

A shaky breath left me as I turned onto my side, clutching the pillow tightly. Tears slid down my temples into the sheets.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you…” I whispered into the empty room.

But he wouldn’t hear it. And maybe… maybe he didn’t want to. The thought made my chest tighten painfully.

Then anger flared. This was all that bastard’s fault. Luca.

Julian and I were just healing from the trauma of Leonie. He was being attentive and we were finally moving past it. But now, because of Luca, everything shattered completely.

If he hadn’t kissed me, if he hadn’t put me in that position, none of this would have happened. My hands clenched into fists against the sheets.

“I swear…” I muttered under my breath, my jaw tightening. “I’ll never forgive him for this.”

But even that anger didn’t last.

Because no matter how much I tried to shift the blame, the image of Julian walking away kept replaying in my head.

That look in his eyes. It was cold and distant. It felt like he was utterly done with fighting and I couldn’t blame him.

A sob clawed its way up my throat again.

Sleep never came. I tossed, turned, stared at the ceiling, checked the time over and over again. Every minute felt like an hour.

My mind wandered to our childhood as a memory surfaced in my head. We were younger and carefree.

Before everything became complicated. Before feelings got tangled with pride, jealousy, and unspoken expectations.

11:50 Thu, May 14

Chapter 63

The sun was bright that afternoon, warm against my skin as laughter echoed through the open field behind Julian’s family estate. The grass was soft beneath our feet, and the air smelled like summer.

“Aria, you’re cheating!” Luca’s voice rang out, playful but accusing as he pointed at me.

“I am not!” I shot back, breathless from running, my hands on my hips. “You’re just slow!”

To

Luca gasped dramatically. “Julian, did you hear that? She called me slow!” I laughed, glancing over at Julian.

He stood a few feet away, arms crossed, watching us with that quiet intensity he always had even as a boy. But there was a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I think she’s right,” Julian said calmly.

Luca’s jaw dropped. “Traitor!” I burst into laughter again, doubling over slightly.

We had been playing tag for what felt like hours, arguing, laughing, chasing each other without a care in the world.

It was simple. Easy. Perfect. Until it wasn’t.

“I wasn’t out!” Luca suddenly snapped, his tone shifting as he pointed at Julian. “You pushed me!”

Julian’s expression changed instantly. The softness disappeared. “I didn’t push you,” he said, his voice firm. “You tripped.”

“I did not!” Luca insisted, brushing grass off his shorts. “You didn’t want me to win, so you

“That’s not true,” Julian replied, his jaw tightening slightly.

I frowned, looking between them. “You did push him,” I said slowly.

cheated!”

Julian turned to me. The look in his eyes, even now, I could still remember it. “Aria,” he said quietly, “I didn’t.”

But Luca stepped closer to me, his voice lower now. “You saw it. Tell him.”

I hesitated for a second. Because I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t really seen what happened. But Luca looked so certain.

So sure of himself. And Julian just stood there, waiting. Watching me. Trusting me.

“I… I think you did,” I said finally, my voice unsure but still choosing a side.

The silence that followed was heavy and forgiving. Julian didn’t react immediately. He just stared at me. And that hurt me more than if he had yelled.

“Okay,” he said finally. Just one word spoken quietly and indifferently.

My chest tightened. “Julian-”

“It’s fine,” he cut in, his voice flat. But it wasn’t. I could tell. Even as a child, I could tell. He stepped back, his gaze dropping briefly before he turned away from us.

11:50 Thu, May 14 …

Chapter 63

76

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“Julian!” I called, taking a step forward. But he didn’t stop. Didn’t turn. Didn’t say anything else. He just walked

away.

And for some reason, he never came back to play with us again. My chest tightened painfully as the memory faded.

A shaky breath left me. “Is that why…?” I whispered to myself.

Was that the first time I chose Luca over him?

The first time I made him feel like he didn’t matter?

Like he wasn’t enough? My stomach twisted.

Because the look in his eyes that day was the same one he gave me at the library.

Cold. Distant. Done. A tear slipped down my cheek. “Oh God…” I whispered, my voice breaking.

Maybe when he said he was done, he didn’t just mean now. Maybe he had been done for a long time. And I just never realized it.

At some point, I sat up, dragging a hand through my hair. “I can’t do this,” I whispered.

I needed a distraction. Anything.

Because if I stayed in this room any longer, I would lose my mind. The next morning came without rest. My body felt heavy, my eyes swollen, my head throbbing slightly. But I forced myself up anyway.

“Get it together, Aria,” I muttered, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I looked terrible.

But I didn’t care. I just needed to feel something else.

Anything but this. Before I could overthink it, I grabbed my phone and room key and walked out.

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