Chapter 37
RYDER
Deep down, there’s a part of me that feels bad for what I did to the Ortega guy
But this part isn’t big enough to make me regret what I’ve done
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I can’t help it. Even now, when I recall how close she was to him and how their foreheads almost touched whenever he said something to her, I see red.
I know I should focus on my own fucking life. Aria Murdock has distracted me to the point of destruction. I lost the important game on Friday because of her. My father’s disappointed in my performance because I could’ve cost the pack a
lot
In fact, this second chance we’re getting is goddess-sent-I can’t mess it up.
As we head toward the dorm on foot, the silence is suffocating. I’ve completely lost all sense of shame and embarrassment. The guys didn’t know the Ortega guy had anything to do with Aria-when I suggested we take him for a ‘game, they jumped at it because they thought it was me being purposely cruel.
And I hate to admit it, but this isn’t the first time we took a newlie to the rink and beat the shit out of him. I used to do this when I was younger, and it’s something I’m not proud of, but the guys almost always deserved it.
And this Ortega fuck? He definitely deserved this for thinking he could spend time with her.
With my girl.
This last thought hits me hard all of a sudden. Mine? Aria Murdock isn’t mine, not in that sense. And she can never be mine. But my wolf refuses to hear it-he claimed her way before I did
And that’s how he feels. Regardless of what I think or feel. Regardless of what I want.
Shit. This is driving me crazy. All of this is.
When we reach the entrance of the dorm, Zach says, “That was fun.”
The others agree and it’s so artificial. All of it’s so damn robotic.
I can sense where this is going before he even opens his mouth.
“Now we’ve got to focus on the game this weekend,” he adds. “Especially you, Captain. You’ve got to get everything else out of your head. All the distractions.”
Fury washes over me. I stop and turn to look at him. “What was that?”
He doesn’t answer me and instead looks around at the others for help. They don’t dare to open their mouths. “I mean nothing by it. It’s just that you’re the Ice Alpha, Ryder. We need you.”
I give them all a pointed look before heading to my room alone. There’s a part of me that knows he’s telling the truth, but there’s another part of me that refuses to acknowledge that
I’m in a terrible mood
I keep remembering how she looked at me. How she told me I was disgusting. How she ran to him in order to help him. I couldn’t take it. I had to walk away.
If I didn’t, I’d want to finish him.
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17:21 Sat, Feb 21
Chapter 37
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I’m so distracted that I hardly notice that someone’s standing against the wall of my dorm, and it’s none other than the girl I was using in hopes of forgetting Aria
“Hi, Ryder,” she smiles, flashing her dimples.
I forgot her name. Sheila? Kaya? It’s something like that. “Hey.”
“I thought you forgot all about me,” she claims as she steps closer to me. Her scent is sweet. Aria’s is earthy. Different. Spicy Exotic Fuck. “I’ve been waiting for you here the whole time.”
She’s pretty and the complete opposite of Aria. She’s blonde, like Nadia. Her eyes are wide and blue, her lashes long and dark like her eyebrows. She’s wearing denim shorts that make her legs look good.
Once upon a time, a girl like her was exactly my type.
But after Aria…I haven’t been able to look at anyone the same way.
In fact, when I was flirting with her earlier, I kept feeling that twinge of pain inside of me. Like my wolf was nipping at my insides.
The thought of using her in hopes of getting rid of Aria is tempting, but I don’t know if I could do it. Every part of me rejects that idea.
But after tonight…I don’t think there could ever be a chance for us.
Maybe a distraction is exactly what I need to forget her.
I grab her by the wrist and drag her toward my room. She giggle and asks me what I’m doing, but by the time I close the door and push her against the wall, it becomes abundantly clear and she kisses me back hungrily while my hands roam her body
And the pain just keeps coming.
It hits me like stab wounds at first and gradually becomes more painful. Her hands venture under my shirt and her nails lightly scratch me, but she might as well have been digging right into me with claws. I ignore the pain and push all thoughts of Aria out of my mind.
This makes no fucking sense.
Why do I feel this way?
She wraps her legs around my waist as I carry her to my bed. I keep my eyes closed as I kiss along her jawline, imagining briefly that it’s her who’s underneath me. I lengthen against my thigh, but whenever her scent hits my nostrils, I know it’s not her, and the pain intensifies, as impossible as that sounds.
“Ryder,” she breathes out as she grinds against me.
Teeth clenched, I try to focus on the moment, but all I see is Aria, even with my damned eyes open.
What the hell is wrong with me?
How am I supposed to do what’s right when I can’t get her out of my mind?
It’s not long before I’m forced to stop. I detach myself from Shea or Kaya and sit near the edge of my bed. She sits up, breasts spilling out of her top. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” I say right away. The pain is just starting to subside and the message is very clear. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
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1721 Sat Feb 21
Chapter 37
“Did I do something wrong?” she questions in a small voice.
I turn my head to look at her. “No. It’s all on me.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
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I shake my head then look away. She slowly rises from my bed and starts toward the door. Before leaving, she tells me, “You could always call me. Anytime.”
1 nod even though I’m not looking at her, and when she’s finally gone, I throw myself back on the bed, eyes glued to the ceiling
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