The Ice Alpha’s Mate (Aria and Ryder) novel Chapter 71

Chapter 71

ARIA

“What’re you-”

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Ryder doesn’t even give me a chance to finish my sentence. He pushes me into one of the empty stalls and then closes the door before locking it.

I watch him wide-eyed the entire time.

“What’re you doing!?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he shoots back. “I know what you’re thinking and I want you to know that it’s not that. It isn’t any of that.”

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My mind pushes the shock I felt at seeing him with his fiancée to the back of my mind and I focus on what’s happening right now. I clench my jaw, allowing my anger and jealousy to wash over me. Because the truth? I am jealous. I don’t even trust how angry I am right now.

This is the kind of anger that would make me do something really, really stupid.

“I don’t think you should be in here. Someone could walk in on us and—”

Frustrated, he says, “Don’t change the subject, Aria. Don’t do this For the love of the goddess, don’t do this to me. Don’t act this way.”

“You’re the one who’s making me act this way,” I inform him coldly, keeping my voice low. The last thing I want is for someone to walk in here and hear us arguing. “You tell me you want nothing to do with her and then you bring her on dates. What am I supposed to think?”

I can see it in his eyes that he’s tormented, but that doesn’t lessen my anger. He tells me, “I didn’t have a choice. Until I figure

out what-”

“You know what?” I interrupt him, “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. We’re going to run in circles around each other until one of us gets too dizzy to continue, and then I’ll hate myself for walking into something that would have never led anywhere.”

Ryder cups my cheek with his warm hand. He’s peering into my eyes sincerely, and I do feel my heart softening and opening for him again. I want to forget my anger and just make up. No more arguments. I want everything to be good, as it always is whenever we have a chance to see each other.

But there’s a smaller part of me that wants to see his suffering, and it’s something I can’t ignore.

I want him to feel what I am right now.

I want him to feel the pain. The disappointment. The heartache

“Don’t say that,” he whispers. “I know this has let you down, and there’s no excuse, Aria. None. I’m ashamed of myself. Of what I’m doing. You deserve so much better. I know that, too. If were a better man, I would’ve done something about it by now, but…I need time and that isn’t fair to you either.”

I lower my eyes because things have gotten a little too intense. Rider pinches my chin between his fingers and makes me look at him again. “I’m too selfish to let you go, Aria. I can’t do it. And that’s the only reason why I’m begging you to bear with me. This dinner means less than nothing.”

“How long will this go on for? I just…I’m tired, Ryder, and we haven’t even started…you know. Maybe we’re just fooling each other and you’ll always end up with someone like her. I’m not a fool. I know where I stand in society.”

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09:57 Mon, Mar 2

Chapter 71

“Fuck society,” he practically growls. “That doesn’t matter to me and you know it.”

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“Your opinion isn’t the only one that matters. If that were the case, then we wouldn’t be here, having this conversation.”

“Well, they’re going to change,” he claims. “I’m their Alpha. They change.”

I part my lips to say something, then decide against it because I don’t see how this conversation will end in a way that will be reassuring to either of us. Every time I see him with her, I have this feeling that I’m wasting my time. I have the certainty that he’ll always end up marrying her because he doesn’t have a ghoice, and then I’ll be the one who’s left in the dirt.

“Aria.”

I turn my face away.

“I know you’re mad. I deserve it.”

I still keep my mouth shut.

“Please, just look at me.”

“I need to go, Ryder,” I tell him. I’m fighting against the urge to throw my arms around him and kiss so this can all go away. My wolf needs to be subdued sometimes, too. I can’t give in to all its desires.

“Just talk to me for a minute.”

“What’s the point? I’m not trying to act like a child. I’m just…”

Too angry to function. That’s what I want to say, but I keep quiet just for the sake of keeping things civil between us.

Ryder is watching me intently while I stare at the lock of the door. Then, the main door opens and we both tense. No, scratch that. I tense. Ryder keeps looking at me with pleading eyes. I can see him from the corner of my eye.

Someone uses the toilet, flushes, and then washes their hands before leaving. We still haven’t said a word to each other. I know I’m not being entirely fair here. He has asked me for some time and I promised to give it to him. But how long can I keep doing this? Am I just supposed to swallow my feelings every time this happens?

“I’ll go first.”

“Aria.”

I meet his gaze this time. “It’s for the best, Ryder.”

“I’ll call you, then.”

When I say nothing, he grabs the lower half of my face and again, forces me to look at him. I have to disguise the shudder that races down my spine at the feel of his hands on me like this The pleading I see in his eyes also does something to me.

I don’t recognize myself anymore. Ever since I got my wolf, it’s like I got this new identity I’m not familiar with.

I’ve changed.

My thought process would have never looked like this before.

“Tell me you’ll answer,” Ryder says almost forcefully.

I stare at him for a long time, head still and lips shut. Then, I no I do it slowly, almost like I’m trying to make a mental note to answer him when he does call.

Then, I walk out.

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09:57 Mon, Mar 2

Chapter 71

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On my way to our table, all my thoughts and feelings come to a halt when I see Tyler seated at our table. He was talking to Uncle Barty, but now he’s staring at me and he smiles. Then, he waves me over.

Great. I wasn’t expecting this to happen. Now, it’s yet another thing I’ll have to deal with.

Why am I so worried?

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