The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 146

Chapter 146-1

Obviously, I was left with a few marks on my skin.

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Alexander bit seriously when he got excited, but it was nothing serious and he took his share too. Not only did he have some overly intense kisses (I have teeth too and I know how to use them), but also subtle nail marks on his back, and I felt secretly proud of all of it. The traces of his love on me, however, would take a little longer to heal than the ones I had left on him, but that didn’t worry me. He had made sure we would have enough opportunities to repeat the experience in the future.

Well, yes, my legs hurt a little too and my muscles felt stiff, but…

Something I liked about Alexander, and that made me feel he was even more serious about this,

was that the next day he didn’t come up behind me in the kitchen while I was making some juice, hug me from behind, try to kiss me, or say good morning with some affectionate nickname. Paul

used to do that, but Paul was someone else. Alexander came downstairs a few minutes after I did,

and leaned in the doorway watching me work. He didn’t say “good morning,” or anything.

After all, it had been less than an hour since we had left the bed–what sense would it make to say

good morning again? We weren’t anything yet, just…

He didn’t try to assume anything more; he was simply testing the ground.

Well, I know. He had come to my house with a purpose in mind. But that purpose was subject to what I had to say about it, obviously: we had told each other that we loved each other, but that

wasn’t enough to define everything that was still pending. Alexander did not invade my house in

any way, no more than he did with his mere presence. Even though he knew everything like the back of his hand and I was aware of it, he did not “appropriate” anything around him, nor any

particular task. Nor did I feel he was “waiting to be attended,” but rather that he kept his place in a

house that was not his, beside a woman whose relationship with him was still not very clear. Just

like two weeks ago.

He did not invade my house, my personal and sacred space. He simply took his time with me.

We stayed awake very late. We spent the hours without saying clear words, until the need to speak

arose; and instead of sleeping to regain strength, we preferred to spend the time we had left

talking more intimately, about things we had never had the chance to talk about before. It was

good, very good. I had never spoken like that with anyone in my life. Paul was…

Alright, enough about Paul.

Paul was the man I loved until I lost him, and I loved him very much. I was very happy with him, and

if nothing had happened to us, I like to think I would still be with him. But I think four years is a

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Chapter 146-1

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considerable mourning for someone who left without warning, and in these times, it was quite a

long mourning. Before, I thought about him and my son all the time, and I was alone because I

wanted to keep thinking about them, because maybe I naïvely believed that without them there

was no life left for me. I am not going to forget either of them, just as I know Alexander will never

forget his wife; but wasn’t it better to think a little about the future, from time to time?

To step out of that wall, to see the world again. To start over. I was twenty–eight years old. And he

made me feel good. Even if he wasn’t entirely human, Alexander made me feel good.

Safe, confident, encouraged, hopeful. Committed to something. Loved, again.

It’s true, maybe I fell in love with him through his children, through my own commitment and

attachment to them, but Alexander didn’t remain indifferent to me either. It was easy; there was

always something secret that kept us very close even though we never expressed it in any of its

forms. But I didn’t want to think that his “debt of honor” had driven him to anything that had

happened between us in the last two years.

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Chapter 146-2

Chapter 146-2

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By the time I finally noticed his presence and looked at him, I saw a shadow of concern in his eyes.

He was thinking the same thing as I was. “And now, what?” It was my decision.

He was waiting for me to decide.

It didn’t look like we had spent the night making love.

“Come and sit down. Do you want coffee or juice?” I offered.

“Whatever you’re going to have will be fine, thank you,” he said, always so well–mannered.

“…you can ask, Alexander. I’m not going to scold you.”

I added a smile, and it comforted me to see him return the gesture.

“Alright, if I can be demanding: a little juice. With two extra tablespoons of sugar.”

I knew he liked sweet things. I knew how he liked many things. Sometimes it seemed to me that I

knew more things about him than about myself.

Only then did he walk around the table to sit in his “favorite” place; near the back door. His

cautious expression brightened a little, and maybe it also helped that I was dressed (or as dressed

as one can be when walking around the house barefoot, wearing a rather childish Hello Kitty

devil–version nightgown) and with my defenses almost as high as his. I felt how he relaxed when I gave him permission to come closer.

I poured the juice into a glass and added the extra sugar. Werewolves consumed many

carbohydrates and glucose because their metabolism demanded energy. Hence their fondness

for sweets. That was why Christian always carried chocolate in his pockets, and the children ate

six times a day.

“Here you go.”

I approached with the glass and, to place it in front of him, I passed my arm over his shoulder on

purpose. I had to walk around the table and come very close; I wanted to get close to him and

touch him again–it was a destructive anxiety. I paused for a moment to breathe in the clean scent

of his hair still damp from the quick and recent shower. Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck

stood up, because even though I couldn’t see him, I intrinsically KNEW that he was looking at me

sideways, tense.

“Johanna…”

.” he began, in a low, growling tone that sounded dangerously sexy.

“No, Lai, better not, alright? I think we already said everything that had to be said,” I cut him off, but

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Chapter 146-2

my voice was a soft, slow whisper.

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I rested my cheek on his head for a moment, and the hand that had set the juice on the table settled over his powerful forearm, as if asking him please. It was the only way to stop my own arm from trembling.

Only once before, a long time ago, had I called him “Lai.” Only his friends called him that. And the

only time before this one that I used that diminutive was when he was lost outside himself, when

he had finished his fierce battle with Haydar, and I was trying to make him react so someone could

heal his wounds. But in this moment, “Lai” was more personal than using his full name, closer and

more intimate. As close as what we shared after dinner.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

“I understand. You don’t want me to think you feel like you owe me something and that last night was like the eight million from the beginning, some sort of reward. That all ‘this‘ is part of that. I don’t see it that way. You’re not the kind of man who does things out of pity, Lai; you know very well the difference between honor and pity,” I told him, trying to express myself as clearly as possible. “I think that two years ago you went home with your family, and it was right that you did. And you

came back with the children the following year, and the next… we both left something in the air, I

know, but it wasn’t the time or the place, was it?”

He nodded slowly.

“I didn’t understand it, but I still wanted to come back. I always wanted to come back,” he

confessed.

I smiled against his hair; my pulse jumped at hearing that.

“It was a conflict of interests,” I murmured. “It would have been wrong.”

“No, it wouldn’t have been wrong. It just… wouldn’t have felt authentic, not like now. I didn’t want

you to think I was using you as a substitute for Anya,” Alexander insisted. Somehow, hearing him

say it was an even harder blow than any idea I might have formed over the last two years. “And at

another time, it could have been like that–that’s what scares me the most. I ran away from you at

first. I couldn’t even deal with myself; I wanted to stay away, I needed my head to cool down. It

wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. I needed… to let her go.”

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