The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 147

Chapter 147-1

We both tensed unconsciously when he said it.

Then he looked at me again, with those eyes like a clean and crystal–clear sky:

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“I needed to let her go, so I could come back to you and be honest with you, Han,” he confessed. At the edge of his eyelids trembled the reflection of tears that I desperately wanted to wipe away, but

I didn’t. “I couldn’t think about you while she was still in my head. It wasn’t fair.”

“I know, it’s okay. I know how you felt.”

By then, my eyes were already closed; I didn’t want to cry just because of his emotion. I felt his

hands crawling over my waist, and I let myself go, let him sit me sideways on his lap and hold me. We both needed it. I didn’t realize I was trembling (that we were both trembling) until I took refuge against his chest. I didn’t deny him the hug; I returned it. I held him as tightly as I could gather the

strength to after spending the night without sleep, and suddenly the exhaustion was catching up

with me. I felt heavy, unwilling to do anything but stay there, with him. At last, everything was clear

between us and I felt that I could breathe freely, that all the weights had been lifted from us.

There was no more guilt, no insecurities. We were there because we both wanted to be.

We were together.

“I still have the money you gave me, the eight million dollars. I’ve barely touched it,” I said, after a

while of stillness in which we only enjoyed each other’s warmth. “And I really would like to give it back to you. You know I don’t truly need it.”

“No, I want you to keep it. For any eventuality.”

I pulled back a little from his embrace, without letting go and without Alexander letting go of me. I

studied his slightly distant expression for a moment; it seemed to me that his tone had been

deeper than usual, darker, and I ventured again:

“… Are you still worried about something?”

“No more than usual, like anyone in my position. But truly, I’ll be calmer if you keep the money, even if you don’t use it. Just keep it,” he asked, while arranging my messy hair with his fingers.

He smiled half–heartedly; it showed. That didn’t leave me calm, perhaps I was still very emotional

because of what he had just told me, or maybe it was something else. I hadn’t forgotten who he

was, of course. But I couldn’t do anything but trust him, as I had been doing since I met him.

“…All right, if that’s what you want, I can do that,” I promised him. “Now, if you have nothing else to

say or anything against this, I think I want to go back to my bed. But to sleep, for now. Are you

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Chapter 147-1

coming with me?”

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Alexander smiled from the side of his mouth where he had the scar and nodded. That time, he

gave me a real smile and my insecurities eased.

“I’ll go, of course; but I’d like to call the children first. Do you want to talk to them?”

The suggestion filled me with such great joy that I couldn’t help smiling like a little girl.

After Alexander spoke first, he handed me the phone. It made me very happy to be able to talk a little with Andre and Sasha; both were very surprised to hear me. The little one told me about kindergarten just as Andre told me about his class and what he was studying. Both attended an institute that Alexander called an “academy,” a kind of school in Moscow created and administered by and for people of wolf blood. There the children of the three white wolf families of

the Russian tundra were educated: the Valinchenko, the Tasarov, and the Zelensky.

We talked for quite a while, exchanging laughs and anecdotes from the past weeks, before Andre’s voice broke and he told me he missed me. He insistently asked if he could travel to my house soon to see me, and behind him I heard Sasha saying something like “please.” The girl mixed Russian words with English ones; sometimes it was hard for me to understand her.

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Chapter 147-2

Chapter 147-2

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I would have wanted to burst into tears right there, but I didn’t want the children to hear me like

that.

We ended the conversation after promising them that I would spend Christmas with them in

Moscow, and after many kisses and hugs sent through the air, I gave the phone back. Alexander

said a couple more things to them in Russian, and finally spoke in that same language with a

woman–I assumed it was his mother. He turned off the speaker function when he started talking

to her, and he didn’t take long.

By the time he hung up, I had already gone upstairs and was in the bathroom, washing my face again. I truly didn’t want to cry; I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t realize when he arrived and stood at a prudent distance, just watching me, but when I closed the medicine cabinet

I saw his worried reflection in the mirror. I almost jumped; the reaction was purely instinctive.

I turned to look at him and smiled, also by instinct. I reached for the towel to dry my face.

“When are we going to tell the children?” I asked, just to occupy my mind with something.

Alexander knew very well what I was talking about; he wasn’t foolish.

“…At Christmas?” he ventured, as if asking for my opinion.

Иlet out an exhale that wanted to be laughter. What a great idea.

“I bet they would consider it an excellent holiday gift. A new mom!”

“…Is that how you see yourself? As the new mom?” he asked, frowning. “If you say it like that, it

sounds as if you were nothing more than that, a substitute… and as if that were all you mean to me.

Believe me, you are and mean much more, Johanna.”

I loved how my full name sounded on his lips, in his voice. I liked hearing him say it because it

made my stomach flutter. It always had.

“Alexander, you know very well that I care a lot about your children. I adore them. I’ve always

thought of them a little as if they were mine; I think that during this time I’ve only been… holding

back, let’s say, everything I felt,” I answered, and hid my face in the towel, pretending to dry myself.

I took my time to think better before placing the towel back in its place and being able to say something else. “Sorry, I don’t want to offend you, it’s just that all of this is so…”

“It’s strange, isn’t it?”

That time, we looked at each other in silence. I think we were both in enough sync to understand

what was going through the other’s mind, and it wasn’t necessary to say anything more. Yes, it was

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Chapter 147-2

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strange. There would always be some lingering unease, especially because of the circumstances

that had brought us together, but I told myself that as long as we kept feeling that something had

led us back to each other, then everything would be fine. I wasn’t afraid of the future. I wasn’t afraid

of the idea of entering an ancient family of beings who were much more than human.

Frankly, I was more afraid of what Andre and Sasha might think of all of it.

After that conversation, after going back to bed to rest my aching body in Alexander’s arms, I

understood that I wasn’t going to be a substitute. I was going to be happy again. I had the opportunity for a full life, with a good part of the things I had always wanted. At times it might not seem so, but I was always an independent person until I found someone with whom to share that, as happened with Paul; and I’ve said it several times already: I got so used to him being by my side

that when he left, it was as if I had lost everything.

But with Alexander, with his children, together… I saw a possibility of being well again.

That was enough to make me feel complete, and grateful.

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