The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 76

Chapter 76-1

He spent a few seconds staring at the palms of his hands, undecided.

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I don’t want to sound like a know-it-all, but I could guess what he was thinking at that moment, especially with that defeated gesture. I couldn’t get a single word out anyway, and he continued:

“There’s no great science behind it, just a hypersensitivity that’s complicating things. The point is that now that I’m aware of it, I can control it. Knowing or not knowing would never have made a difference for you, because it depends on me in the first place.” He looked at me again and closed his fists on his knees. I finally found the handle and pulled to the side, folding the doors around me. “I know it’s not the best way to express it, but…”

“It’s the most pathetic explanation I’ve ever heard, and that’s saying something, considering it’s the first time in my entire life a werewolf has had to explain something like this to me,” I said sharply, knowing I was safe behind the screen.

“…What?”

“Why not say things as they are? This is a very complicated situation. We need to trust each other, and it’s inevitable that we cling with tooth and nail.” I interrupted him, hoping my version of events would convince him more than that impressively realistic explanation he’d just given me. I pretended to be busy looking for a blouse or T-shirt in the drawer beside the closet. “It’s understandable that I look for protection when I’m the one who’s defenseless, and that by your nature and your duty as a father you feel obliged to take care of all of us. And of course I’m going to look after the children-that’s something within my reach, and I can’t just stay indifferent. I don’t think anyone is misinterpreting anything here. It’s temporary, and it suits us to take advantage of that instinct of unity, doesn’t it?”

“It may be temporary among all of us, but Sasha thinks of you as her mother. I’m afraid part of the damage is already done.”

I hung the towel on the screen and peeked out a little from the side while I put on a black sleeveless T-shirt.

“I don’t argue with that,” I told him seriously. “But the fact that Hans is trying to justify YOUR stress and make you think something else seems very low to me. Didn’t he practically raise you? You should know that scaring you won’t help.”

“Scaring me? Now I’m the one who doesn’t follow you.”

I pulled on some old pajama pants without even thinking about underwear and came out from behind the screen with the towel over my shoulders. Appearing calm was essential so

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Chapter 76 1

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ideas could flow and my head could analyze everything objectively. But I was starting to believe all of it, and I didn’t know whether that was good or not.

–

“Listen, you’re not going to forget Anya overnight, Alexander. I’ve been there, remember? Nobody is going to take her out of your head – neither those instincts of yours nor the situation. There’s no way her place can be filled right now,” I went on I was winning the conversation. I don’t know where I got the strength to continue, but I did, while drying my hair a little. “When Paul died, it was very hard for me to accept that he was gone, and I would have given anything in the world to have someone close to lean on but someone who wasn’t family. A stranger sounded good back then. My psychologist recommended I attend one of his support groups, those where people who’ve gone through similar experiences meet, you know. But I didn’t, because the urge to be alone was stronger. And I think in the end, if I had listened to Larry, maybe I wouldn’t be here today. Don’t feel bad for empathizing with me just because we understand each other on a level no one else can.”

—

I think it was the best thing I could have said in a moment like that.

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2/2

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Chapter 76-2

“That’s not what you told Andre the other day,” he shot back, suspicious.

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“Do you think Andre needed to hear all that shit about me? No. I didn’t lie to him anyway.

I

was trying to make him feel a little better; he’s only seven years old and there’s no need to scare him with the story of the depression that pushed me to move here.”

I left him stunned, because he stared at me seriously for a couple of minutes.

Still, it was a justification that worked for me too. Rationalizing it was the easiest way to look from the outside at a problem I’d been afraid to examine for years. Cutting myself off from the world didn’t do me any good when I decided to move to that beautiful Wyoming wasteland. It wasn’t good. Sure, it had its pros and cons like everything in this world, but I think my inner mourning for Paul and my baby would have been much shorter if I had simply opened up and talked about it with others, as Larry suggested so many times. The wound wouldn’t have taken so long to heal.

“Lai, Rex will be here in fifteen minutes. He asks that you wait for him awake.”

“I’ll prepare him something to eat, he’ll probably be-” I started.

“No need,” Nika cut in, with a throat-clearing that sounded like a military reprimand. “I already did. In fact, we’re all going now. You’re the only one missing, Lai. You can eat with Rex when

he arrives.”

“Wait, wait – what did you use to cook?” I stopped her, impressed. “There’s nothing in my pantry but canned peas and-”

“We have our own supplies,” she said, slightly exasperated. “And we gave Rex some instructions to bring more. Everything is under control.”

I didn’t push it. Nika didn’t seem to have much patience for me. Was she still angry about that issue? Or was it something else?

Then I realized: she also knew everything her father and the other wolves thought – what Alexander and I had just been discussing. And what if she was annoyed with me because of

that?

Suddenly I felt angry.

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Because she understood nothing, from where I stood.

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