The Wolf Came on Christmas (Johanna and Alexander) novel Chapter 77

Chapter 77-1

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From my limited point of view, it felt like she was just acting like a cold, professional bitch when she should have put herself in Alexander’s place and at least tried to understand what he had gone through in Alaska what he was STILL going through at that very moment. He wasn’t to blame for the fact that I was unconsciously tired of being alone and hurt and needed to occupy my mind with something, or someone. He wasn’t to blame for having two beautiful children I wanted to protect even with my own life.

He also wasn’t to blame for the fact that my sad self reminded him so much of his wife. That was pretty messed up, and we all knew it. But we were stuck until further notice, and we were going to have to live with it.

“Are you coming, Lai?” Nika asked him again, gently.

I felt the urge to mock her German accent when she spoke to him so sweetly. For a moment, hearing her call him “Lai” so affectionately made me want to snap at her in the worst way: ” He just lost his wife! Could you show a little more respect?”

But I understood nothing. I knew nothing either.

“In a moment. I’m talking about something important with Johanna,” he told her.

I had the impression Nika didn’t like that much, but she put on that adult expression of hers again and after a nod, she left. I silently prayed Alexander would drop the subject and we could part peacefully, without having to keep arguing about it.

There was no point in overthinking it, right?

Rationalizing it was good, up to a point. But when you try to turn everything into

mathematical proportions, scientific explanations, and unnecessary justifications, the magic is lost. The world becomes cold, and people become nothing more than numbers on a board of infinite probabilities.

And the magic Sasha worked with her smiles did me a lot of good. So did Andre with his cleverness.

Unexpectedly, Alexander’s voice startled me. I didn’t fully understand why he said it, but the fact that he said it to me felt like a mark of trust, gratitude, and a certain guilt:

“Anya’s attitude toward me, toward my nature and toward my person, hurt me a lot. I could almost feel how she automatically shut herself off from everything that had to do with me. The fact that she rejected me and feared me, that she stopped thinking of me as her husband and lost the feelings that once united us, destroyed me a little more every day,” he

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confessed softly. “But without a doubt, what hurts me the most, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her for it, is that she rejected her own son. Andre was her son. How can a mother forget the fruit of her own womb?” That last sentence fell from his lips in a groan.” Andre noticed it, I’m sure, but he’s always been a very smart child, and if he felt disappointed, he didn’t show it. Believe me when I tell you that it’s been months since I’ve seen that boy smile the way he smiles when he’s near you. You’ve helped him a lot, without meaning to.”

Then he looked at me, those deep, hopeful blue eyes.

And all I could do was swallow hard and wait in silence.

“…you don’t reject him. He knows what he is, and he knows you’re on his side.”

“And that after I almost smashed all their heads with a shovel, right?” I said ironically.

Alexander barely curved the corner of his lips, finishing a sad smile.

“That’s why I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you survive – even if you’re the only one in this group who does, besides my children.”

He stepped away without saying anything else and left the room after that.

And although I stayed thinking about it for a while, I lay back down again.

I couldn’t sleep again until dawn began to streak the horizon.

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But it was his smell. That simple, masculine scent, that blinded me.

Fine. I liked that man.

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He wasn’t completely human, but that… didn’t I care?

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He wasn’t human, and even so I liked him. What was I going to do about it? Nothing. Because I felt things for a man who had just lost his beloved wife. I didn’t know whether to feel vile and low or just laugh at how desperate I seemed. Desperate, me? What a twisted situation. I couldn’t even laugh at myself like that. I was ashamed of being so weak, and so stupid. If that wasn’t a sign of desperation…

As if I could do something, anyway.

Alexander would take his children and leave my house, once he had finally reached the goal of capturing all his enemies. Trying to stop him made no sense, it wasn’t appropriate, either. Trying to stop him? What? So I resolved to focus on what was in front of me: a complex, dangerous situation, where every decision made could be the last. The most I could aspire to was to stay alive, in the worst-case scenario. So I convinced myself that, if I really was already an unconscious part of that group, my role in its hierarchy was minimal, and I should do everything within my reach to ensure that nothing bad would happen to Andre or Sasha.

With that idea in mind, I went down to the kitchen to meet again face to face with Agent

Aguilera…

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