One Sided Love novel Chapter 38

  Alex 

Fuck .... shit what the fuck  I said to kate .... I can't believe myself ... I take my all day frustration on her... I know kate has right to stop emma ... for fuck sake she is her mother .... but I can't control myself ... I thought she is paying me back by treating my daughter the way I treated her daughter... as soon as the thought come I lashed n when I saw Kate tears I knew I fucked up... she can never even thought like this.

I looked at the table n saw both girls has scared expression n Aria was crying quietly 

Emma said ' daddy im sorry ... but mama was right it was bad manner ... I should say sorry ... please dont fight'

Aria said ' me want mama'

I replied ' ok girls ... im sorry to scare you like that but im going to talk to mommy n you guys will go to their room ok'

I called martha to check the girls n with heavy heart I enter the room I saw kate lying down in bed where she hold her stomach tightly n she was crying n her body was shaking

I sat in the bed n gently put my hands on her 'kate'

She removed my hand n said ' dont touch me'

Fuck ... this is the first time she did that to me ... even before I hurt her she never said no to my touch... but now I can clearly see I broke her heart... 

I tried ' kate plz let me explain'

She turned n sobbed n said ' what do you want to explain... that im nothing to you n emma... that im just a step mother not a real mother to her... or I have no right to tell emma the difference between right and wrong...or that im just stupid girl with no social gathering to whom you are stuck with because she was knocked up by you'

I never saw kate this angry n emotional ' kate im fucking sorry ... I shouldn't have said that... im am idiot who always hurt you.. but believe me I took my all day frustration on you ... of course you have every right on emma...she is your daughter... im sorry I should stop her not lashed on you'

She crying badly n said ' Alex you said those words in front of the girls... what emma is going to think about me... you make me a bad guy in front of her... I love her so much n now she thinks I was scolding her without reason'

I picked her shoulder n said' kate she loves you too ... she said she is very sorry ... she wants to come n tell you but I stop her because I want to say sorry first.... kate plz forgive me plz ... I never meant those words ... you know me'

Kate said ' I think I never know you.... I sometime things why im even in this position ...why I can't leave all this .... I know you don't love me... but I have spent more time with you then emily n as a mother for emma... hell I even ignore Aria for you n emma all I want is respect from you .... n after all this time the way Aria is treated by you I should have left you but still im here because I can't leave emma '

I was shocked by kate words ... fuck ..n she is thinking to leave me... no ... that will never happen

I said ' Kate listen to me ... I know I don't deserve you but don't leave me ok ... I really do fucking respect you... but im an asshole but plz don't leave me ... you become a very significant part of my life...I lose Emily I can't lose you'

Then I kissed her like she is my last breath ... she tried to push me n resisted... I said ' kate its me ... dont deny this ... you're so beautiful that sometimes its hurt ... you're everything'

My words are like putting water to the fire that I created n she react a little.. I kissed her more passionately ... I was so terrified she will leave me... I opened her legs tear her underwear n make her prepare for me she was softly moaning but she pushed me ' no Alex .. I cant '

I stopped her n try to unzip my trouser ' no baby I want you .. you're my everything ... don't leave plz'

I was so desperate that I don't even know what I was saying ... It was like my heart was saying those words that I hide it for many years

I pushed inside her we both moan n then I started thrusting her hardly ... kate screamed my name

She said ' I hate you for making me feel like this'

I heavily breath ' I fucking hate myself for hurting you '

We both climax n lay together quietly... kate removed her self from me ... I picked her arm ' where you going'

She removed her hand ' im going to check the girls'

I stand ' I lost control ... im sorry kate plz forgive me for everything'

Kate sighs ' Alex I have to check girls before they sleep... we will talk later ... plz let me go now...'

N I left her way.

Kate 

Emma was crying n said ' mama im so sorry...daddy angry with you because of me.... plz forgive me'

I replied ' oh baby its ok ... its not your fault...n you know I loved you a lot... so mama can scold you a little but plz don't mind ... I stop you to do things which I know is no good for you'

Emma said ' I know mama.. im sorry for doing that '

I looked at Aria she was holding her blanket tightly n standing timidly with emma bed... I told her to come here she came n sat with me n said ' mama I dont like you cry... plz don't cry'

I removed my tears with the tissues n said ' all gone ok how about we three lye on this bed I told you a good story n then we can discuss about tomorrow bdy party'

N like that my both girls become happy

It was late when I left their room... n went to my ... I was exhausted ... I need to sleep otherwise I will not wake up on time

When I enter I saw Alex was waiting for me tensely ' Are they sleep'

I replied ' yes'

I went to bathroom changed into my nighty n then turn to bed.... I felt Alex also lie down ... he hold me from my back 

I said ' Alex im tired plz let me sleep'

He replied 'I know.. I just want to hold you... I know you're very very angry with me but plz forgive me... I so so sorry...'

I sighs n turned to him n saw his desperate face ... I said ' im not angry im so upset with you ... what you said to me it still can listen those words... after all these years I thought you trust me ... you feel for me may be not love but something else but it shows I was living in house of misunderstanding '

He came closer ' please baby ... what I said was out of my own guilt n defend but I know it was not true you're everything I want in a wife in a mother of emma .... I said that before im a jerk who doesn't want to get hurt n then hurt you.... I swear on emma I never meant those words ... I just said because

I completed his sentence n replied ' because you think im taking my anger on emma because you treated Aria like shit.... I knew that moment when you mention Aria ... but im not like you who compare n ignore one of my kids ... they both are my daughter ... my life... my heart...my only reason of living here... if I wanted to do something like that I would have done long ago but I won't do this..'

He kissed my forehead ' I know ... babe ... I know.. you still my pretty girl... I made a terrible mistake please forgive me ... plz kate '

I closed my eyes... tears was falling ' I forgive you but it will take some time for me to forget those words... im sorry if my words are hurting you but it will take some time'

He hold me n said ' take you time babe ..you're very beautiful Kate inside out ... once again im sorry'

I just nodded n then I fall in sleep.

I woke next morning with swollen eyes n tired body ... I saw Alex was still sleeping ... I take a quick shower n went to girls room... I have to pull myself again for the girls .. especially today is aria birthday I want her to be happy ...so I quietly wake emma ... she was rubbing her eyes ' good morning mama'

I replied ' good morning princess ... its time'

She excitedly stand n we wake Aria 

Emma said ' ok 1 2 3 start'

N we both said 'Happy birthday Aria ..Happy birthday to you'

Aria confusingly open her eyes n when she saw what we are saying 

She giggled n said ' mama... its birthday ...'

I kissed her n said ' yeah baby its your birthday .... n now we have to get up... have breakfast then we have a bath ... n in the noon the party is going to start'

But my girls excitedly went to bathroom to brush their teeth n follow me in kitchen

I was making breakfast when I felt Alex presence ... he said good morning ... I replied .... Emma said ' good morning daddy '

He smiled at her ' good morning princess'

Aria shyly said ' good morning daddy'

He looked at her n for the first time I saw a slight smile in his face ' good morning'

Aria smiled big ... I was putting breakfast in their plates n went to kitchen to bring coffee .. I feel hands in waist ... I sighs ... it was Alex ... I wish he stop touching me because it makes me forget how much he hurt me... Alex said ' hi.. you ok ' he touched my face

' yeah im fine ... just little tired'

He remorseful face said it all why im tired... ' after breakfast lie down n have rest ok'

' I can't... in the evening its Aria birthday party .... do you forget?'

He looked uncomfortable n said ' shit ... it got out of my mind... yes party... don't over do it ok... take some extra help ... I don't want you to get tired'

'im fine Alex ... I will take some pain killer ... I will be fine be then'

I was going when he stop me ' kate ... I don't want to annoy you do you really forgive me? This guilt is killing me plz tell me we are all right ... you still with me ok?'

I found Alex to be disturbed which makes my stupid heart to be uneasy ' yes I forgive you... n we are fine for now... just never say those words again'

He sighs in relive ' of course babe ... n thank you so much... ' he kissed me passionately...

I stopped ' kids are at the table we should be going'

He smile n we went to have breakfast

Emma said ' daddy .. you didn't wish Aria'

Alex looked uncomfortable but he said ' happen birthday Aria'

Aria beamed with happiness ' thank you daddy'

N with that my heart melts a little.

(Arias Birthday party)

Everything was going great ... Aria was enjoying her birthday party ... sorry her butterfly birthday party .... n she is enjoying it ....

Everyone was having fun... Alex father was holding Aria n he was laughing at something she said .... my parents can't come become mom has having a headache .... honestly speaking I don't even tried to insist them to come... the way they act around Aria is very hurting to her.... it was a cake cutting time... n I have no idea where Alex is... I went inside the house to see where he is...