Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book novel Chapter 79

Surprisingly, despite my mind working overtime and inability to keep picturing Colton inside my head, I fell asleep. Curled up with Meadow, talking quietly until the darkness grew that we could no longer see each other, and we faded into tiredness. I don’t remember who fell asleep first, but I woke to her rousing me with a shake and telling me we had to get up. Exhausted, groggy, and somewhat disorientated, as I came to and impulsively reached for the warm and familiar body of my mate and blinked at the shock of his absence.

It was then that it all came rushing back and I almost cried with the realization that none of it was a dream, he’s really not here to welcome my day, to kiss me good morning or hug me awake. And that today we have to leave to go drive an almost full day to find a witch who may or may not help us. It feels like being sucker punched by a cannonball and my heart faltered before pounding through my chest in the most agonizing way.

It’s way too early in the day, sun not quite fully up but I know we have to get out of here at first light to make sure we hit our destination before the sun comes down again. The goal is to get there without stopping if we can and try to make it in one day. The sooner we deal with this, the quicker we can break the spell, and the faster I can get Colton back. That our pack can come home again.

I wander down with her, half asleep, fatigue kicking my ass still and we grab a cold quick breakfast in the kitchens as quietly as we can so as not to attract attention and spread the word we are sneaking out.

We didn’t tell the pack we planned on leaving, so as not to cause panic and have the remainder of the pack try and talk us out of going. We are relying on Sierra telling them after we go so no one can hinder our progress. Wolves are naturally protective and when it comes to a Luna, they will hold me against my will for my own safety if they feel it’s needed.

Everyone is on edge and I know the loss of their Luna on top of their alpha’s absence will send them into a frenzy and barricade us from leaving. Wolves need the hierarchy more than is logical sometimes, especially the peaceable land-dwelling type and by going out there, I am abandoning them to their own fate should anything happen to me. They’re going to be unhappy when they know the Rema is now in charge and they have neither Alpha nor Luna in the grounds.

It has to be done. I’m the one with the strongest gifts, and that gives us more chance of doing this without death. And the spell books and the bottle seemed pretty certain I was meant to go with Meadow to see this through, for whatever reason.

I walk slowly into the medi bay when Meadow cuts right to head outside and check the sentinels she left in charge of loading the truck have done what they were asked. They know she’s leaving but they don’t know about me. I am waiting until the last second to go out and jump in the truck with her, besides I still have one task to carry out before we go.

Carmen is standing by the window when I walk in and staring outside at the obvious green mist which is still lingering over the horizon. I can tell by the waves of mood coming her way she already knows what’s happened while she was asleep. She’s quiet, still, somber, and standing upright like that frosty bitch I knew so long ago, only now, I can feel her so much better than I used to, and the sadness is almost suffocating. If I didn’t know her before, and only saw her like this now, I would be moved to pity this vulnerable creature and wonder who had hurt her so deeply.

I clear my throat to get her attention, feeling like I’m invading her space and a little awkward; she snaps around, startled at seeing it’s me and not the doctor, lowering her eyes immediately in submission, knowing her place in our grounds.

“Luna…. I … I’m sorry for….” She begins with a waiver in her voice, her guilt seeping through so that I know what she’s about to say; almost like an overwhelming heavy dampener in the air and I cut her off. She is nothing like the fierce and stubborn girl of yesterday.

“You didn’t do this. She didn’t do this. It would have happened anyway. They were waiting for a time and it was just coincidence.” I try to soothe her, but the lack of change in her tight expression tells me my words are falling on deaf ears and her responsibility in this runs deep. I sigh and try a different approach in a bid to remove that dark shroud of worthlessness which is cloaking her and making me feel all kinds of emotional. “You can look at me, I give you permission. After all, you are one of my sub pack and they’re family. No need for the formalities.” It’s the least I can do, given how awkward it is for her to stare at the ground while I am attempting to comfort her and making a hash job of it.

Her eyes flash up at me, a hint of shock on that normally noble face as she second guesses my words, looks away again and then flickers back at me unsurely. I think she’s trying to figure out if I actually mean it, or if I’m trying to catch her out, but I haven’t got time to waste today.

“Look, I didn’t come here to have a chit chat… I came to ask you something.” My nerves are building, knowing it’s almost time and I sigh and look around the room trying to ground myself and sound stronger than I am at this moment in time. I feel like time is ticking away faster than I can deal with and yet also not. Like wading through sand in terms of how long it’s been since Colton held me.

“Yes, Luna.” She has the sense not to question anyway. I guess she really is trying to step in line with my new role, or that she’s so bogged down in her own grief that all her fight has left her. I’m thinking it’s more that than anything else.

“Meadow and I… we have a plan, a possible solution to the fog, the spell. I’m sure the doctor has filled you in on yesterday’s events and where we’re at. I want you to come with us, Meadow and I. I think you may be useful, and we need the help while numbers here are not what they were. It’ll be the three of us and only a couple of days away from here in the hopes of finding a solution.” My voice is steady and low, afraid any passing wolf hears me but inside I’m a crumbling mess of doubt and insecurity. I have no idea if this is even a good plan or going to help, but we have to do something.

She gasps, in first surprise, and then eyes me up, mistrust all over her face as she thinks something through, and I can almost taste the apprehension coming from her in waves. That sharp look in her eye as her thoughts align.

“You think it will ease my sense of guilt!” She homes in on that right away, stating it bluntly with a chill in her tone and I have to pull myself rigid to not react in how well she saw through that ploy. It’s not all about easing her guilt though, it’s also about her being useful. Meadow wouldn’t have suggested her if she thought she would be a dead weight we drag along and right now; we need all the help we can get. I’m terrified about what we may face out there and won’t turn down someone with a gift like hers.

“You have gifts. Meadow vouched for your worthiness as a fighter and as we are going without guards, I think three is better than two.” I completely dodge her statement, not willing to confirm that yes, I’m worried her sense of responsibility will have a long-term effect on her and I don’t want to burden Sierra with her in our absence. She is going to have enough to deal with while we are gone and not have to babysit Carmen for fear of another wolf legging it out into the forest to end things.

“I can fight. I’m fast. I can break eardrums, glass, sometimes brains….and I want to make up for what my mother did that put us here. I brought her here. I did this. If I kept her at the mountain then … so what I’m saying is, yes. Don’t cotton pad me, I’m capable and I’m willing.” Steel determination, even tone and no hint of weakness as she locks an eye on me. Her emotion stabilizing as she regains control and I’m impressed with how coldly she states it.

“Then you would all be enchanted too. And useless. The fog hit them not long after it hit here. We think every pack in this entire area was probably caught the same way. We were not the aim; we were only part of it.” I point out, needing her to know that what her mother did was not the only cause of this.

“So, everyone…” she starts, and I cut in.

“Yes. Which is why we have to leave now, because we have a possible fix.” I turn, motioning her to follow me, but she hesitates, and I am forced to pause while she verbalizes whatever the issue is.

“Is it true…. that Sierra is a witch? That Colton’s also a ….” She trails off, her voice weakening to a whisper and she gazes almost through me, caught somewhere in her head, and I realize, despite living with all the exposed secrets all these months and making peace with them, this is all new to her. That months of getting used to this fact has normalized it into a mute topic, but for her, it’s like suddenly finding out everything you knew was wrong and she is still reeling. I don’t doubt she found out a whole lot of things recently before coming here and is still digesting it all.

“It’s true.” I look over my shoulder at her, confirming with my serious expression, and her eyes widen on me as she swallows noticeably. A sudden wave of unnatural wariness overcomes her aura.

“So, you?…. You’re a … part of them?” It’s part accusation, emphasis on the word them, a bitterness to her tone that’s cut off with a croakiness of raw emotion breaking, and a tear rolls down her cheek before she can check it. I falter because I know this reaction well and should have expected it, given what’s happened. The realization that I’m part of the enemy and the people who just ripped her mother to shreds, that I share their blood and stand before her, telling her I’m an ally and not foe. It was hard for me to digest it so many months ago and it took a while for the pack to fully accept it and stop staring at me like I was some kind of abomination at first, so I can’t even imagine what’s running through her mind as she stares at me so intensely and see’s part monster who just destroyed her world.

“I am. Mother was part, so that makes me even less, I guess. Turns out there’s a few hybrids int the Santos.” I sigh, dodging her obvious issue with this fact, really not wanting to stand and do this now and yet she surprises me with blurting out a statement I suspected but didn’t really think I would ever confirm.

“My mum was half human. It’s why she was…. weak.” The shame that overcomes her tone, flushes her cheeks red and pushes her gaze back to the ground, overwhelms me. I gasp in shock, turning back to her in time to see her dropping her chin to her chest and exhaling painfully as though letting out a long-burdened weight on her body and I wonder if this is the first time she has told anyone those words. I know being Luna means I can somehow charm her pack into confiding deepest secrets, but I truly never thought Carmen would be so willing to share something like this. I know for a fact Colton doesn’t have this in his memory banks, so she never told him at all.

“My dad was livid when he found out. He was so mad, he never touched her again, but she was already pregnant with me and he pressured her into aborting. He abhorred her for that part of her, and me, because it lives in me too and he hated the fact she defied him and kept me. Inferior…weak. Worthless. An impure hybrid with a species who is completely giftless and he was ashamed to know us at all….. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”