Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book novel Chapter 81

It feels like it's been days in this truck, and between napping, sitting to watch the scenery go by, and one fuel stop, nothing else has happened. Endless miles of road, strained moods, and a lot of boredom as we pensively fall silent in our own thoughts.

We had some odd looks from passing cars on the road and at the garage we stopped at. The military truck covered in rune symbols and carrying three obviously young-looking women seems to bring attention from humans... males to be exact. I guess given the fact that wolves, after turning, are physically attractive and I guess as close to perfection as we can get in the eyes of humans.

They are a strange species with absolutely no concept of boundaries. Meadow was so close to ripping one guys throat out who tried to feel her ass when she was paying for the gas and I had to drag her away before he spotted the glowing ember eyes or the low growl emitting from her chest. She was about a millisecond away from turning feral and showing him how big her claws can get when riled. Wolves are notorious for low levels of patience and hot tempers and it's one of the many reasons we stay away from humans as much as possible. Other wolves can take the heat, the aggressive responses and don't blink at turning wolf for a tussle.

Meadow is not a great fan of the human kind any day of the week, and after our short interactions at one gas station, I can see why. Carmen on the other hand doesn't seem to care either way. I know she spent far more time in the human world in the past, also given she's part one, and she ignored the comments from passing vehicles when we opened the windows for air. I never knew cat calling women from your car was a thing, it certainly isn't something wolves do, and I don't see what they hoped to gain, other than a loss of blood. Human men are vile.

So now the windows are up, despite the muggy heat and the air con is nonexistent in this truck. It's slow, plods along nosily and I'm bored out of my mind with nothing to focus on except the issues we are avoiding talking about. All thoughts of imminent danger are hard to keep at the forefront when all you have is endless miles of road and feeble humans who have no concept of how close to being dinner they are if they keep irritating us.

"I'm getting crampy.... Carmen, it's time to switch." Meadow breaks the silence and pulls over to the side so they can physically swap over and Carmen quickly takes the driver's seat. Meadow slides onto the double seat beside me, as I'm by the window anyway and leans back stretching out her legs. It's been more than half a day of her sat in that position and the relief as she sprawls out is evident.

"How much further?" I ask not really aware of how many hours I napped earlier and how many miles we covered since.

"We're more than halfway... we made good time." She leans her head on my shoulder and curls her arm through mine, snuggling in and taking comfort from my body. No awkwardness as we have been snuggly many times in our friendship these past months. "Can I nap here? I'll move if it gets uncomfy." She asks me softly, tiredness etched in her voice and I beam a smile and nod my head. I don't mind being used as a cushion. It helps deal with the pangs of loneliness from not having Colton's touch or his attentive presence keeping me warm. He's been on my mind constantly since we sat back here. Long silent hours, as none of us really want to converse much and my mind wandered repetitively to scenes of him, smiling, laughing, kissing me. Torturing me in a quiet somber mood and pushing my heart into heavy sadness once again. There's so much going on in all our separate minds that we haven't been great travel buddies in terms of conversation and the air is heavy with the knowing this isn't a happy road trip or a vacation. Carmen especially has said nothing much at all since her initial spat with Meadow.

"Stick with the road signs to New Mexico, we'll call Sierra when we get there." She commands Carmen and then slides down further to curl against me and closes her eyes. Despite sleeping last night, it was fitful and not really restful and both of us needed more than what we got. My nap was a great short-term boost but I can't shift my emotional fatigue that's hanging over me like a dark cloud.

"What about you? Do you want some chat, music, company?" I ask Carmen, offering companionship but she shakes her head without looking my way. Her face set in determination as she focuses on the road and eases the trucvk under her control so effortlessly. We haven't had to stop for any kind of food as we have enough in the packed crates and she's chewing on a granola bar as she drives.

I don't expect a verbal response and go back to leaning my head against the window, staring out in hopes that I may fall back asleep and lose some of the hours of this monotonous trip.

"It's weird isn't it.... the lack of understanding danger in the human world. It's like they don't even contemplate there's a whole other space out there, with creatures, and wars that don't touch their lives." I point out, thinking aloud and sigh as we pass another holiday home type truck packed with a family of young ones who are eagerly beaming out at the windows of passing vehicles to wave. I gaze at them as we overtake and get in front, watching how one of the kids point at the symbols on our truck and the mother in the passenger seat looks up in interest.

"Humans are oblivious, and self-absorbed. One of the cruelest species in so many ways, despite some of us having blood lust urges and abilities to rip our enemies apart on a whim." Carmen taps the wheel, a slight hint at annoyance in her husky response and I blink at her in intrigue.

"You seem to know a lot about humans. I know you spent time in their world. Are they really that bad." This topic has intrigued me over the years, I guess. Given they make up most of the population yet seem to be the most ill-informed and uneducated about the species of the world they live in.

"Not all of them, just different. Their world is not like ours. To them, they probably would never understand our hierarchy, the way we do things, our aggression, or how we conduct our relationships. Yet their values, their sense of community... packs... are not like ours. Many of them don't care about anything beyond their own bubble, their own noses... I guess that's where I get it from."

Her words startle me and then it dawns on me that she is referring to what she said back at the homestead, about being part human and I gaze at her for the longest moment, trying to form some kind of response. She seems unfazed by verbally admitting it again. Colton was right and Carmen really is so hard to read, even with my abilities in feeling people's emotions. It's like she carries a veil of impenetrable rock and can shield everything under indifference or a cold front most of the time.

"You told Meadow you care about the wolves at the mountain.... So maybe you're not all that self-absorbed. You loved your mom; you did what you thought was right for her." I point out, hoping to open an avenue of conversation but her darkening look as she glares ahead tells me I said the wrong thing. Her whole posture stiffening and signaling she doesn't want to talk about this.

"Look how that helped... I got her killed, and all this..... Maybe it's better when I don't give a shit about people. They always fuck me over anyway." the biting undertone, the undercurrent of bitterness, and guilt hits me in the stomach as I connect her last sentence to maybe what Colton did. What the sub pack did in turning away from her and rooting for me instead. I guess it was a betrayal in her eyes that she was so easily cast aside as something worthless, even if it's not exactly how it played out. Even though he had no control over imprinting and breaking her heart, I guess she still carries the pain of what she saw as adultery.

"What happened in the months since we left?" I don't know what else to say, so maybe a question will be better and as she is clamping down on the other topic, I should try and ease the atmosphere with some kind of chat. I feel out of my depths, weird and moody even though I seem calm and upbeat on the surface.

"Life happened. Juan happened." Her voice croaks in her throat and she looks away to hide her face as she quickly wipes it and goes back to glaring outside. A sudden hint of emotion again and she seems to curse herself out for showing weakness in the form of a tear. So much hostility in her aura and I wish she would just open up and tell me, to talk it out, to share and ease her weighty burden.

"Carmen, I'm trying to help. We don't know what went down after. We only know what we had to do at the homestead to keep the people safe. You have to open up to ....." I try for my therapy tone of Luna, the easing of a wolf to confide but she doesn't let me finish.

"I don't need to open up. I'm fine. The past is done. Nothing can change it and I just want to make up for what I caused and be done with all of this." A curt snap, a tightening of fingers on the wheel and that abrasive manner which is meant to shut me up. Only I'm as stubborn as she is. I grit my teeth to curb my irritation at her and lock my eyes on her profile as she stares at where we are heading.

"You didn't cause this! I told you already." I grind out.

"Yes, I did..... not just my mom. All of it. Had I never interfered, had I never pulled Colton back to me and tried to keep you apart when I did. Because of me you left, because of that Colton stood up to him, split the pack and abandoned the mountain. That was the worst thing for everyone. Colton was the influence that kept the people moderately safe. Whether he knew it or not. His father is a devil and without Colton's presence, without the hope of his heir being his bright shining legacy, Juan let all the evil in his heart finally out. I did that. I fucked up what the fates wanted, and they have punished me for it ever since." She spins her head at me, her pallor pale, her eyes shining with moisture as she struggles to hold it all in and I see the deep-rooted guilt etched all over the sudden show of vulnerable in her face. I'm speechless as I stare at her in open mouthed shock, trying to absorb her words and trying to organize some logic to her statement.