Sinful Mates 1-3 novel Chapter 9

　　I just stared down at her. Now what, I just leave and never come back here? Turning around, I walk out in a daze, almost robotic. When I stepped into the blue corridor, Sally tried to grab my hand, but I pulled away from her touch. I didn’t want to be touched; I knew I would break. I was nearly to the end of the corridor when Tobias stepped into my view. I don’t know what he saw on my face, but he tried to reach for me. I quickly stepped out of his reach. What is it with everyone and trying to touch me? I will not break; I will certainly not break in front of anyone. Tears are weakness. I am not weak. My mother didn’t raise a weakling.

　　I kept walking, I could hear people talking to me, I could hear Sally calling after me, but I just ignored them and kept on walking. I walked out of the hospital doors. My phone started vibrating in my bag that was slung over my shoulder. Ignoring it, I walked to the park across the road. I sat on the park bench; it was now dark. The stars were shining brightly down on me, the trees swaying in the wind. The night was cold and silent, the only noise I could hear was the beating of my own heart, which I was sure was broken beyond repair.

　　I felt absolutely nothing. I was completely numb, and I prayed I stayed that way. I didn’t want to know what this pain was going to feel like. The wind was moving through my hair at rapid speeds, drops of rain were hitting my skin, I couldn’t feel their coldness, I couldn’t feel the sting of the wind on my skin. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what my next move was, I didn’t have a plan. I realised I was in denial this entire time because I never planned past this point. I knew this time would come but I don’t think I believed she would ever actually be gone. So instead, I let the rain fall drenching me where I sat. I didn’t know what else to do, I had somehow made myself believe that she would pull through, even though my mind knew she wasn’t coming back.

　　At some point I walked back to my car. I noticed Tom had left the car park door up slightly. He must have realised I wasn’t in my car. I walked up to my car and popped the boot, grabbing a bottle. I popped the cap and started gulping the vodka down. I just wanted to go to sleep and try and forget about this day, or maybe wake up to find this was all just a nightmare, one I was just having trouble waking from. Only I knew it wasn’t, it hurt too much, and you don’t feel pain in dreams.

　　Getting into my car, I grabbed my duvet off the back seat and wrapped it around myself, seeking comfort in its warmth. I couldn’t be bothered taking my wet clothes off, right now it just seemed like too much effort. After a while and a few more mouthfuls of my bottle of jet fuel, I slipped into the darkness of sleep.

The next morning, I awoke in my cramped car, my neck twisted in an awkward position against the centre console. Twisting my neck and stretching the sore muscles, I rubbed the aching spot before sitting up to the sound of tapping on my driver’s side window. Squinting I could just make out Tom standing outside with a coffee in hand and concern etched on his face.

　　Jumping up quickly I grabbed my phone. Shit, I slept through my alarm. Tom motioned his hand to the bonnet where he placed my coffee. “I will meet you at the ramp, kiddo.”

　　I nodded. Getting up, I quickly raced to the boot and rummaged through, trying to find something decent to wear. I stunk heavily of vodka. I just wanted to sleep last night, and downed god knows how much till I passed out completely.

　　The memories of my mother painfully came back to me, but instead I shoved them aside, refusing to think of the shitstorm that has become my life. Finding a passable blouse, I smoothed it out as best I could and chucked my blazer over the top. Quickly ripping the hairbrush through my tangled hair. I clambered out of the car and stuffed my feet into my shoes while hopping on one foot and trying to walk to the bonnet of my car at the same time.

　　I grabbed the coffee off the bonnet and started jogging down the ramp towards Tom, who was waiting patiently for me next to the entrance doors. I quickly looked at my phone. I had ten minutes before my bosses arrived.

　　“Rough night, darl? That's the first time I've ever seen you sleep in.”

　　“Yeah, it was pretty rough, thanks for waking me,” I mumbled sipping my coffee. Tom walked me to the elevator before going about his duties. Once the doors binged open, I raced over to the bathroom and did a quick rush job of my make up. My face was puffy, and I looked like shit. No, I looked hung over with my bloodshot eyes and pale complexion. A slow ache was starting to make its way up to my eyes, deciding to sit directly at my temple. I knew the aftermath of drinking that much would have consequences, but I was prepared.

　　Once finished I quickly went to my bag and retrieved 3 Panadol and three Nurofen Zavance. I downed them with a glass of water. Mum’s secret remedy for hangovers besides greasy food. I smiled at remembering her before my smile turned to a frown. I would never see her face again, let alone hear her endless advice, even the silly advice like how to avoid the morning hangover. I was shoved out of my sadness by the bing of the elevator.