The Alpha King's Rejected Mate (Nyx and Lycus) novel Chapter 19

Nyx's pov

pain.

I can't really remember the first time I felt pain, it's like I was born with it, into it. I was accustomed to it. I knew pain, I knew what it felt like, sensed like, smelt like. Pain was with me, pain was me. I felt pain each time my father told me hurtful words, each time Alpha Titan had whipped and punished me and each time the pack members took their anger out on me. I felt it when ever Alpha Titan used me, I felt it whenever the unmated pack males used me and I felt it when Lycus voiced out that he will never want me.

I felt this thing called pain, emotionally, physically and mentally and it made me weak.

Rejection.

Would I say this was worse? I remember the first time I felt rejection unlike pain I remember this. I was six playing with fluffy just like Amara did these days and then just there in the lawn, my father walked up to me, drunk as hell telling me that I was a mistake, i killed my mother and he never wanted me. I was just six, the words stung, I understood them and I cried hard. Few days after that incident he gambled me off to the Alpha although young he was still cruel as hell. I grew up and found out he was my mate and that was when rejection happened again from my very first mate.

It was stupid of me to think he would love me after seeing we were mates. It was stupid of me thinking one would love me or ever want me.

A second chance mate was something I never expected but then it happened and I had hope which I shouldn't have. Having hope destroys you especially when you know the hope will amount to nothing. I found Lycus, I had hope, he burnt it out by rejecting me out rightly, well he never finished pronouncing the rejection. But Keeping me only so he wouldn't be weak and not wanting anything to do with me aside that was still rejection, right?

Fear.

This was something I felt all the time and I vividly remember the first time I felt fear. It was when I was handed over to Alpha Titan and that evil smirk on his lips had made me shiver and the phrase 'I will have so much fun with you' had twisted my insides and after that I felt fear everyday of my life, I grew accustomed to it, I felt fear when I was approached, when I was pushed in a room, when a male smiled at me and even when I was asleep, I felt fear not knowing what will happen next. I felt fear when I met Lycus, the way he acted towards me, I felt fear being in the cells and I felt fear anytime the cook or Beta approached me, I always felt fear.

love.

This was very foreign to me, I had never felt love and I don't think I will ever.

I think Hera likes me though, I wouldn't say love, I don't know how she stands being with a pathetic human like me. I wouldn't say love was how Andros cared for me back in the cells, I would call it like, he likes me.

I didn't know if to say that Amara loves me, she was my daughter. I don't know how she copes being with a mother everyone hates. But I know she cares, was it because she had no choice than to care? I know she cares cause of how she worries about me but I didn't know if to call it love.

And as I sat here while Helena gently brushed my hair humming a sweet tune. She did it with so much care as I would do for Amara. I wondered if she liked me, I wouldn't dare call it love. What she was doing was what you would do for someone you loved like I did for Amara.

But I didn't know if my mate's mother loved me but I will settle for the fact that she likes me.

"All set." She said sweetly standing up from the bed and I stood up too and walked to the mirror.

My hair was made up in a messy but cute bun, I wondered how she managed to do that with the messed up length. She only rubbed light powder on my face and drew glossy lip gloss on my lips. I still looked ugly seeing those scars that were always there to remind me that I will never be beautiful.

I smoothed my hands over the knee length flowery dress she had given me, my lower legs were left exposed and my injuries and scars were very visible, I didn't want to where this dress but I couldn't say no.

She was too kind.

I didn't want to go down for breakfast either and that fear crept over me again but I couldn't tell her no, like I said she was too kind. Lycus has instructed me not to leave the room and I had stayed here locked up only seeing Amara, Helena and sometimes the cook.

I was also managing the bad food brought to me daily, it was either that or nothing and actually sometimes she brought nothing which made the thought of going down to a fresh breakfast very tempting.

"You are beautiful dear." She walked up to me placing her hands on my shoulders, "Do not think otherwise."

"He doesn't want me there." I mumbled, "No one does."

"Look Nyx." She turned me towards her and I met her gaze, "Lycus is just being stubborn, he will come around. There is a reason why he is like this but that isn't my story to tell but trust me when I say he will come around."

I didn't say anything, I only nodded trying to convince myself that he will come around too.

"Let's go dear." She said and was about to take my hand when I stopped her, "What is it?"

"How many people will be there?"

"It's a private dining hall." She smiled, "Just me, you, Lycus and other high rank members."

I gulped.

"Shall we?"