The Carrero Contract - Selling Your Soul (Mafia Romance) novel Chapter 164

I like this apartment; it somehow seems like I have been here before even though I have never laid eyes on it. I love the open space and simple furnishings. Nothing overly showy or flashy, nothing fussy. Just enough to feel comfy and relaxed in a way that invites you to come in and lounge your cares away. It’s peaceful and feels like home, even though I’m a stranger within its walls.

It’s no surprise I like it though; one thing I found when making the club gorgeous was that Lexi and I have a similar taste in décor, and we gel well in terms of style. We can argue about most things, but we never argued over styling choices.

I waste no time in sinking into the hot bath and letting my weary bones blend with the water, turning my limbs to fluid weightlessness. I exhale with relief at the comforting feel of hot liquid overtaking my skin as it submerges and slides over all the little marks and grazes littering the surface, cleansing them of grime and blood. Stings and nips becoming numb as I adjust to the heat and sigh heavily to let all my woes go.

I needed this so badly, just to reset and calm down.

It smells like rose water, courtesy of the maid no doubt as it’s hardly an Alexi smell, and the bubbles surround my face, blocking out all thoughts for a moment as I just revel in this kind of perfection. I use my foot to turn the tap off when the water brims to the very highest edges of the bath and just sink, allowing my bum to lift off the bottom as I’m suspended, floating in relaxation.

Not that overflow would be an issue with a fully tiled floor and a drain in the centre. There is an open shower across from me so I’m guessing this is a wet room and often gets a drenching when he uses it. I’m shocked he has a tub at all as he does not seem the type to use one.

I allow myself to float for a bit, lifting my bum up enough to feel as though I’m being carried on a cloud of bubbles, and close my eyes. So overwrought and anxious inside still, even if it’s deep and not so apparent and I try to let it go as my body unfurls.

All the stress and emotion that was overwhelming me seeps out from my body and drifts away. I only wish my mind would follow suit and I try to blank out the many thoughts and feelings still tormenting one another in the background, causing the twisted tight feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like my insides are on a wash cycle and I know it’s down to the fear of how he will be when he arrives, even if I’m not actively pondering it now.

I stare at the ceiling, submerged to my temples and ears and let myself lie out straight so I’m fully suspended in the hot bubbles, far from touching the sides, even if I cannot let my mind flow so easily into relaxation. I close my eyes, exhale slowly so my body and face sink into the water and completely submerge myself to blot the world out. Like slipping into another dimension, or through clouds peacefully to another world below. I just disappear from the surface without barely a trace.

My ageless method of truly trying to let it go for a few minutes.

Sinking to the bottom gracefully until the hard base catches me from my floating realm, letting it all go, and focusing on the steady beat of my heart. My mind distracted with keeping my breath. The noise of the water pressure in my ears always did the trick for me when I was young and needed an escape. It’s hard for your mind to keep fretting when your body launches into survival mode and focuses on not drowning as you stay in the depths for as long as your lungs can handle.

I always used this when I couldn’t find relief any other way. I stay under for as long as my lungs allow; until they burn and my throat aches with the need to inhale. I let my hands and legs do as they please, just motionless, blocking out everything while I listen to that loud bubbling pressure around me and it blots all my woes and troubles out.

Just bubbles, heartbeat and weightlessness. Caught in a timeless watery world where stress gives me a little respite.

It’s only a couple of minutes of true freedom and solitude before I push myself up to take a much-needed breath, gasping dramatically because I pushed myself to the utter brink of not being able to breathe like I always did. Lungs burning with the effort. I swipe the water, diluted makeup and bubbles off my face with my hands, sliding it back over my head to smooth my drenched hair flat. Inhaling and gasping the oxygen I was depriving myself. Sitting up, pulling my knees up to steady myself and revelling in the after-effects of my self-levelling therapy technique. Feeling calmer and refreshed somehow.

“You still do that?” The voice makes me jump, body flinching, and I scramble to cover my breasts with my palms, looking towards the uninvited figure propped against the door frame. Heart almost ripping out of my rib cage in fright when my blurry vision settles on a foreboding body in black. Stifling a yelp with the sudden shock of his appearance.

‘Alexi! You scared me.’ I gasp, as all warmth leaves my body and my blood once again runs cold with impending terror.

Alexi is watching me, looking extremely serious and unreadable with a straight brow, standing casually with his shoulder wedged in the frame and leaning in as though it’s keeping him upright. Nothing obvious in his manner but he isn’t as smoothed out, tailored and smart as normal. His clothes are a little ruffled, his hair unruly in its styling and a darkness in his eyes that send the fear of God through me.

I’m very aware of my naked, vulnerable state and pull bubbles in to cover me up while I face him. Scrambling for calm and completely unnerved under that penetrative gaze.

“Do what?” I blurt in reply to his question, to break the intense way he is pinning me with a loaded look, shocked at his sudden arrival and back to nervous and breathless as my heart rate explodes. A little frantic with the unexpectedness of his appearance and still reeling from that.

“Drowning yourself to escape reality.” He smirks at his description of it and reminds me it was something else he would have read in those damn journals. My method of escape.

I hate that he knows everything like that.

He seems odd. Not quite his normal smug self and yet not seething mad like he was earlier, and it just ups my nerves because I simply cannot read this mood at all. It’s weird and almost resigned in a way. All my alarm bells instantly singing out loud and it just adds to the weight of my anxiety around him.

“Another ten seconds I would have dragged you out of there. Wasn’t sure if you were escaping or committing suicide. I can never tell when it’s you and me.” He pushes off from the door, that sarcastic comment biting me cruelly and walks in to perch his arse on the end of the bath at my feet, where he leans forward and rests his elbow on his legs without much of a look towards me as he does so.

I look down into the water, eyes smarting at his words and unable to meet his. Bruised with how he reminded me of that attempt and a little hurt he would say it in such a way. I suddenly feel feeble, and all my Camilla fire takes a run and jumps out the window. I sit stiffly and try not to over analyse his posture or his cool manner.

He is still in the same sweats and t-shirt from earlier and looks only slightly dusty compared to how filthy I was. Although, I spot the reddening marks on his knuckles and slight bruising from this angle, and shiver at knowing exactly how he got them. It’s more than punching one man one time in his throat would cause and I guess they found the other one.

Alexi would not be here already if they hadn’t. Knowing him, the guy is tied up in some warehouse somewhere while his most trusted interrogate the life out of him. Alexi only occasionally does it himself from what I have heard, but I can guarantee his knuckles are evidence of him taking his fury for me out on someone else. It’s why he’s calmer. He had his outlet, and that puts me in a better position and less likely a target for that much high energy aggression. That’s a blessing in itself.

“Funny.” I glance up at him warily, no real amusement in my tone and stay in my upright perched position, pulling more bubbles towards me to use as a covering so I don’t need to keep my hands on my breasts. Aware that any other person invading while I was in a bath would outrage me, but it doesn’t even cross my mind with him. He’s had me naked, seen me so, and this doesn’t feel like an invasion or crossing of a line. In a way, I’m glad he just sprung on me, so I didn’t have time to plan and torture myself for his arrival. This way is like a ripping a band-aid off. Although I might need a bigger one after he is done.

He turns his head and watches me for a second. I can feel his gaze, then he looks at the floor and away from me too. Both of us suddenly unsure, awkward and unable to look at each other. It just heightens the tense atmosphere and my heart sinks to the hard base of the bath. Deflating me more.

I can already tell all that anger and hostility has majorly subsided, and he just seems very distant and weirdly aloof.

I don’t like it.

When he is like this you, just can’t get a read on what he is thinking or feeling. You don’t know if he is pissed off, tired, or what. Just closed off and the energy is buzzing but not with his explosive side.

It makes me feel worse, not better and I would rather he stormed in to deliver a chastising. It’s what I expected and waited for and now the lack of it has me overly suspicious. Mind going into overdrive.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I overreacted, I acted stupidly.” I blurt it out nervously, pressured by his oddness to apologise, to make this right as thoughts of calm before the storm in the past weigh on me heavily. He just shrugs and picks at his thumbnail with his other hand.

It’s not one of his mannerisms and even though it should be completely insignificant, it’s not. To me, it’s Alexi behaving outside his normal and a signal that we are not okay by a long shot. He is not okay, and all this is NOT okay. I feel sick again, nausea swirling up as my insides tighten with that heaviness of dread so intense, I struggle to swallow or breathe.