The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO) novel Chapter 187

"I think it’s best if I go as soon as I can get myself together.” I don’t think that’s possible right now, my body is detached and useless, barely wanting to move, let alone get up. My heart is aching so heavily it throbs through my chest and stomach. I feel sick with all of it. My head is light and swimming with the effort of trying to breathe. My nose is blocked from crying and my throat is raw and raspy.

“I can’t … I can’t, Emma!” His voice suddenly turns powerful, tugging me to him in a flash and I yelp in surprise. He buries his face into my hair, crushing me in his embrace letting out the pain he’s been holding back. I never in my life thought I would see Jake cry and it’s the most awful thing I’ve ever witnessed. My heart is broken in two. It has the same effect as watching everyone I love cut down and murdered while I lie useless and watch.

I sob into his body in reaction, trying desperately to push away the thoughts running through my mind tormenting me. I stiffen against him, afraid to let him hold me or to let me go; afraid to give in to the thoughts spiraling out of control in my mind, thoughts of him and her; afraid to try to envelope myself in him, for fear of what will consume me.

“Please, let me go.” I cry silently, begging him to stop making this worse for me. He has no idea of the agony that touching me is causing or how much internal pain it inflicts.

He seems to compose himself, sensing that I’m unresponsive in his arms and loosens his grip, letting me go. He stands and quickly turns his back to me as he takes several heavy breaths. His posture is that of deflation and hopelessness.

“I’ll let you leave, Emma, but I can promise you this. I’ll never let you go … Even if I need to chase you for the rest of my life, I won’t stop trying to get you back.” He walks off slowly. I sense it’s before he does something he will regret, like pushing me further away. He pauses by the door taking a final look at my disheveled form lying carelessly on the bed. His discarded, broken woman.

Our eyes meet, and it causes the sharpest wrenching kick to my gut, so much sadness and pain mirrored there.

Why did you have to kill me so?

“If I have to spend the next sixty years begging at your feet, Emma, then I will. You’re the only one for me. The one! … I love you with every piece of my soul, baby. I won’t ever stop trying to get you back in my life, getting back in your heart. Because I need you.” With one final aching look he leaves the room, walking further into the apartment, heading toward one of his many unused guest rooms to give me space. I wish his words could bring me some comfort, but they don’t; they only bring heart ripping anger cutting through my grief.

If I really meant that much to him then he would’ve never touched her at all.

* * *

I get up when my body is finally able to hold my weight and I dress quickly. I can’t bear to wander the apartment. I don’t want to see Jake at all. I grab what clothes I can and then with a final walk out the door I press the intercom button which summons Mathews into the internal apartment. He appears, dressed in his Men in Black attire, informing me that Jefferson will only be a few minutes. He seems to know what I want, and I guess Jake has brought him up to speed like he always does. Jake is nowhere to be seen, but I can sense him somewhere in the apartment. I can feel his presence. I’m trying not to give way to thoughts of him or else I won’t cope. I need to stay strong to be able to leave.

Mathews agrees to have Nora pack and send on the rest of my belongings later today. I’ve made up my mind that I need to walk away, taking all that I am. I need to get organized, get back to Sarah, and home, take time to really think all this through. It’s a plan and it’s all that is keeping me held together, the old PA Emma taking over, clinging to organized thoughts and planning to help me get through the worst moment of my life. It’s all so very polite and calm. My requests coming from a seemingly sane person arranging a little trip, while in sheer agony, I try not to show the tormented soul that I am. It’s what I need right now since any emotion would make me crumble at my own feet.