The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO) novel Chapter 216

I don’t know how to feel. Fear and panic are consuming me, and I can’t process anything beyond the next thirty seconds. I can barely breathe … again. Jake catches my hands and brings them to his chest, pulling me to look at him, slowing my erratic breathing as it matches his. I’ve never had a full-blown panic attack before, but I know instinctively that’s what this is. I let him bring me back from the verge again.

“We are in this together, I won’t sit back and let you deal with all of this alone, bambino. I’ll take care of you every step of the way. I’ll be the guy who gets up and feeds the baby while you sleep, and I’ll change the nappies and take care of mom the best I can. Trust me with this. Trust that I would never leave you to do this alone even if you decide you don’t want me back.” He kisses me on the nose and my heart melts at the way he always grounds me; a thought creeps, and I instantly go cold.

“But this won’t be your first child, Jake. Marissa will give birth before I do and ruin another thing in my life. Your time will be split … between us, between the children so you can’t promise me anything.” Tears run down my cheeks and I pull away from him, anger rising again at the thought of him and her, that horrible stomach-churning vision of his mouth on hers, lingering to always make me ache physically. I slide away from him and cross my arms across my chest, glaring at him, daring him to try to come near me because right now his touch is abhorrent and I’m spring loaded for attack. Having that bitch in my head makes sure of it and this feeling, here, right now is as close to hate as I could ever feel for him.

He watches intensely for a moment before sliding back against the tub, resting himself against it. He knows when to choose his battles, he’s annoyingly good at reading me sometimes, and yet other times as brain dead an idiot as you could possibly get to what I’m thinking.

“I need to say this, Emma. You can look at me like that the whole time if you want but I’m still saying it.” He looks down at my abdomen between us and then back up at my face, his expression serious. I scowl at him more hatefully.

“Marissa may have got in there first, but it doesn’t mean shit. Difference is, this one I want more than anything and hers, I never did … I guess that makes me an absolute shithead for saying it.” He sighs and runs a hand through

his hair, flexing his shoulders, resting both palms on the

back of his head. His expression is that of fatigue more

than anything. “You will always be my priority, despite having two kids, I already know which baby will hold

my heart more.” He glances across at me, apologetically, as though he really does realize how horrible a person that might make him.

“You are a shithead.” I spit out, childishly, lowering my glare to the floor, a new wave of tears hits hard. I can’t begin to think about this now, or I’ll just fall to bits. It’s a complete mess, her, me, babies, Jake.

How the hell did it even come to this horrible fucked-up situation?

Jake ignores my comment, and continues to watch me closely, keeping his distance while I flounder in emotional turmoil. I have no clue what to do with all the excessive energy coursing through me.

“Emma, when Marissa told me about the baby, I felt like jumping off the building or hopping on a flight to Australia and never coming back. I still feel sick every time I think about it, even after weeks of knowing it’s happening. But this … US …” He slides up onto his knees shimmying across the floor toward me, awkwardly, yet extremely appealing somehow. He leans down lifting my chin to look at him, he leans his forehead against mine. The urge to lash out and fight has once again dive bombed into my feet; fatigue and sadness wells up, drowning me instead.

“It feels completely different with you. I want this. I want it more than I ever knew I wanted it.” He grins, that sweet little boy smile spreading across his face. “The second I realized what the doc was telling us I felt this crazy joy building up inside of me, bambino, like straight from my toes and slowly up and over me. This is how it’s supposed to feel when you find out you’re going to be a father; desire to shout it out from the rooftops and instant love … I love you so much and I won’t let you down.” He grazes his mouth against mine, but I only stiffen at the touch. Marissa is too close to the forefront of my mind right now for his touch. Everything he’s saying has stopped computing, I need space to think and fresh air. I need to get off this bathroom floor and eat. We need sustenance because I just threw it up and that can’t be healthy.

“I can’t process this right now.” I pull away from him, leaning out, telling him clearly to give me space. He sighs and moves back but doesn’t go far. I think he’s starting to realize the turmoil I’m in over him touching me, thankfully, without me having to verbalize it.

“You’re moving back in as of today.” A command, and there’s an edge to his tone I instantly don’t like. I snap up to glare at him.

“What the fuck? You don’t even know if I’m even willing to take you back and you’re issuing orders to me?” I slam my hands on the cold tile floor angrily shoving myself to stand. He knows how to ignite my fury button, I’m instantly seething, my skin is prickling with rage at the nerve of him. I’m already on my feet ready to march out but he catches my wrist and comes up to tower above me.