“Jake, it shouldn’t have happened, we crossed a line.” She glanced his way, softening her tone the way she did at work when she was trying to soothe a bad mood over some shitty business meeting. She was pandering to him, and he couldn’t fucking stand it over this. He lost the last ounces of control on his temper.
“And there she is! Right back to square one.” The sarcasm was thick in his tone. His body stiffening in his seat with sheer anger and heartbreak fighting each another for control.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She turned at him angrily.
“Anytime you get close, Emma, even a hint of letting go, you snap right back in and shut the door. No conversation, no acknowledgment of it, just wham. Over!” He barked at her, letting his anger loose, unable to stop the infernal ache in his gut from leaking out.
“What?” She hissed with a sardonic laugh. “Because I won’t sleep with my boss? I’m not letting myself go? That’s being closed off?” She turned away anger flaming her face, body seething rage, and he wanted to punch the goddamn windscreen so badly.
“I don’t think there was any doubt about it last night. It’s not the issue … it’s the afterwards, Emma.” His voice was laced with venom, anger seething from every pore, his body tense. He had never been on this side of it before, women had always wanted more from him, and he hadn’t felt anything. Knowing that was now Emma’s stance got to him more than anything ever had in his life, knowing what she was probably thinking right now because he had been that same cold bastard so many times.
“I was drunk … being stupid, anyone can make a mistake!” She huffed and stayed looking away from him. Shifting herself away so she could turn her body from him toward the door. Jake felt that surge of complete ache hit him hard, rage kicking in and he slammed the car to a halt with his foot hitting the floor on the brake pedal. Uncontainable pain oozing from every pore.
This wasn’t her … his Emma was not this cold-hearted, unfeeling bitch who just slammed sex like that; who dismissed last night as a drunken mistake not worth mentioning.
Everything loose in the car flew around them dramatically but he didn’t care, he needed to get out and away from her before he ripped the goddamn steering wheel off and used it to smash the windscreen out.
He felt her looking his way as he hauled off his belt and got out of the car. Stalking far away from it and leaving the door wide open, walking to the cliff edge to try to regain some control over the huge swarm of painful emotions consuming him right now. For a second, he had an urge to jump off the fucking cliff just so it would stop. He dragged in a few deep breaths to cool his jets, simmer his mood until he had control once more.
His pain dulled down as sheer anger overtook him, anger that she would be this way about last night. Anger that despite knowing it would turn out this way, he had still gone down this fucking route. Anger that he hadn’t just left it alone and enjoyed a day on the beach with her doing anything except this shit. He was a fucking moron.
Calmer, he turned back and slid into the car once more, swallowing it down, breathing hard.
He knew there was no way of coming out of this conversation now and he had to do this, for his own sanity if nothing more. Things between them couldn’t keep going on this way and last night had been a final line for him. He couldn’t stay loving a girl who only wanted friendship.
“It’s not about sex, Emma,” he said quietly putting his hands back on the steering wheel to give him a point of focus, but he didn’t start the car. “It’s about this eternal need in you to stay in full control. Never letting anyone in, never letting yourself enjoy anything and letting your guard down.” It was about her inability to love him the way he loved her and as much as he tried to skirt around the issue, there was no getting away from it anymore. It was make or break time.
Maybe he had been wrong about this and she was finally letting go.
Tilting her head more to accommodate his mouth on hers, giving as much to him as he was to her, not breaking the embrace but pushing it higher and hotter. Breathing heavily and getting lost in the sensation of the kiss equally. They both moaned lightly as the kiss deepened, soft lips and intense feeling pushing him on.
He wanted her closer, needed to feel that body he longed for against him. Letting go with one hand and sliding down to find her belt buckle he unclipped it. Sliding an arm around her waist he pulled her into his body as best he could in the small confines of the car, pressing as much as he could have her to him hungrily. Praying for seconds longer to enjoy this but feeling her start to lose the passion between them. Her hands loosened their hold on his shirt, her kissing keeping time with his, but he could feel her reluctantly pulling back as her palms turned to his chest and she gently started pushing him away. Disappointment, anger, heartbreak all colliding at once as he reluctantly pulled away from her and sat back, letting her go dramatically, no longer able to keep his emotions in check. He looked at her with such devastation.
“That’s exactly what I mean!” he bit in pain. “This is your biggest enemy, Emma … not me.” He tapped her temple with a finger, an extreme crushing pain in his chest as he watched her soft expression move back to cold defensive PA mode, back behind her safe barriers.
“Why did you do that?” she spat at him, both breathing hard and trying to regain composure.
“To prove a point,” he snarled and turned away. He had no point to prove, just a longing to kiss her one more time and feel everything he had felt once more to savor it because deep down he knew it would be the last fucking time. This was over.
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