The Return of My First Love novel Chapter 59

Emily

I sat at a table near the pool, braiding Naty's hair. She was about to take her first horseback riding class, something she had been eager to try after hearing about Melody's stories.

Her request had come out of the blue, and I was against it at first. Of course, Alessio was on her side and managed to persuade me to let her go. He promised Melody had the best instructors, and Naty would be in safe hands.

Truthfully, Naty deserved it—there was no question about it. She adjusted well in school and had quickly become one of the best in her class. Her teachers often praised her for her artistic talents and said she was a fast learner.

Letting her go on a horse was the least I could do. As always, Alessio was busy with work but by now I was used to it.

"Mommy?" Naty called for my attention, her tone sounding serious.

"Yes, baby?" I replied, wondering what she could be asking me about.

"You like spending time with Alessio, but you never liked spending time with Daddy," she concluded.

I paused mid-braid, trying to figure out where the question came from. I knew her mentioning her dad was something which was bound to happen, a conversation we'd have to face sooner or later—but I had hoped it wouldn't be so soon.

"Do you think we'll ever see Daddy again? Or does he not want to see me anymore?" Naty's question shattered my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

"It's not you, Naty. It was never you," I said immediately, wanting to make it clear that she was the innocent one in all of this. I had often wondered if I wasn't good enough for Jason, and now his daughter, his own flesh and blood, wondered the same.

"Did you leave Daddy because he is a bad guy and always yells at you?"

There it was, the question I had dreaded. I wanted to tell her the truth.

Yes, your daddy is horrible and he is a monster—but I couldn't. No matter what, he was still her dad and I didn't want to badmouth him in front of her.

I hesitated, unsure of how to answer. "It's complicated."

"No, it's not," Naty argued, too wise for her age. "You can tell me, Mommy. You can tell me everything—you'll always be my number one."

I closed my eyes to hold back a tear as I finished her braid. I felt flattered to be her number one, but a six-year old shouldn't have to choose between her mommy and her daddy.

I had fought so hard to keep our family together because I didn't want her to grow up like I did, carrying the same thoughts and burdens I had at her age—but in the end I couldn't take it anymore and had failed.

Every now and then, my mind would wander back to Jason. When Alessio told me he had packed his bags and gone back home, I thought about how defeated he must've felt.

Jason wasn't the type to give up on something easily, and the last time I saw him, he looked like he was really going through it.

No matter how I felt about him, for Naty's sake, I hoped he would get the help he needed and do better.

Once I had finished her braid, Naty spun around to face me. She shot me a reassuring smile, and then she threw her arms around me in a tight hug.

"What was that for?"

Naty smiled, "Do you love me Mommy?"

"Of course I love you. I love you more than anything."

"And Alessio?" Naty pushed for an answer. "Do you love him?"

Her question got me nervous. She was asking me a question I knew the answer to, but this wasn't something I could discuss with someone her age. "I like Alessio. He's nice to us, isn't he?" I said, choosing my words carefully.

"He is," Naty nodded her head. "He talks to me, plays with me and buys me lots of presents. I wish he could be my Daddy because he doesn't hurt us like Daddy."

It felt like the world had stopped. Her words struck hard. Her desire for a father figure who was kind and caring, unlike the one she had, was heartbreaking. What was even more heartbreaking was that she wasn't aware that this fantasy we were living in wouldn't last forever.

"You know it doesn't work like that," I gently rEmilyinded her, even though I wished for the same.

"I know," Naty sulked with a sad smile, melting into my arms once again.

Despite the joy and comfort Alessio brought into our lives at the moment, I had to rEmilyain realistic. I needed clarity about where he stood regarding our relationship because I owed it to my daughter.