You Saved Me Once Book 1 novel Chapter 41

Life after I fucked up everything, again. I’m back to living more lies, back to memories from the past that make me sick to my stomach. Back to smiling, behind the tears. Back to, the red room to develop my secrets. Back to, avoiding food.

All because, of Hayes.

He wasn’t to blame, I choose to feel this way. Because I can’t hate him, I blame Hayes, for loving him too much.

Hayes knows I love him, or he should. I know kissing him was wrong, for more than one reason. I knew he was with Rochelle and did it anyways. It was the secret that I was keeping, that made what I did, even worse. It would make Hayes’s reaction small. It would make me, sick.

Our lips have met before, but that was a different time.

I feel gross again.

That night when Hayes went to Shiloh Ridge, I wanted to fol-low him. I wanted to drive around that town, in his car and find him. Make sure he was okay, even though I knew he wasn’t. I wanted to hold him, I wanted him to hold me like when we were younger. I wanted him to rub my back and make me feel better.

He’ll never do that again. I most-likely, won’t see him ever again.

It’s been weeks, and his car that I parked out front for him, hasn’t moved. Hayes hasn’t come back to Versa yet, he might never come back. It took him 3 years for me to see him again, to hear him again, to hold him again. If he ever comes back, I’ll be long gone.

These thoughts are what keep me up at night. These thoughts are what feed the butterflies in my stomach. I feared the worst, with a guilty conscious.

~~~~~

A teacher comes from out of nowhere and wakes me up.

“Alex. Alex, honey.” She says.

I was sleeping in the red room at school. I was waiting for my pho-tos to develop.

“Honey, it’s time to go home.” The teacher says.

“What time is it?” I ask.

“Nine-o-clock at night, sweetie.” Her voice was soft.

I didn’t like her calm voice, it was too similar, to my mothers.

I leave school, and drive home.

~~~~~

A lot has changed in such short time. After I kissed Hayes, I talked to Rochelle.