Beastly novel Chapter 49

Fuck it.

I didn't know. I was just so tired of everyone having such a swell time and getting happy in such situations when I felt like I was suffering. Of course, I didn't blame anyone. I had no one to blame but myself. Still, the fact that it seemed like no one was on my side when it came to Xander and I was not good for my mental health. When my body screamed for me to go to him and my common sense gave way, I needed someone to pull on that little string of hesitancy and drag me back. Not push me further.

Was I being immature about this? Maybe. Could I do anything to stop this feeling of betrayal from everyone around me? Maybe. I really didn't know.

"You can't expect someone to stop or encourage you dear. Every decision you've made concerning Alpha Xander has been all on you. Granted, I have no idea what you have been through with him and I can't say I haven't thought of you falling in love with him and deciding to stay, but I want nothing more than for you both to be happy." she said, as she gradually wrapped her arms around my shoulders "If you're happy together, fine. If you're happy apart, fine. I'm actually pretty glad that you give him such a tough time most of the time and that he's working to get you despite this."

"You are?" I asked, looking up at her. Gladys smiled down at me, the warmth of it making me feel much better

"Yes. It's needed for character development." I chuckled at her words "Do you hate him?"

"I..." Would I let someone I hate hold me the way Xander did? "I don't think so."

"Do you like him?"

"I think he can be a good person when he wants to be. He cares about this pack and has a slightly good head on his shoulders. As an Alpha, he's good for this place."

"What about for you?"

"I can hardly stand him. He's hot one moment, cold the next. Sometimes I want to understand him, other times, I wish he would just leave me alone. He's not healthy for me but I can't help feeling connected to him in more ways than one. It confuses me. Makes me anxious too. Yet, it excites me."

"Then if you can't help it, why do you allow your little moments of weakness to pull you down?" I stayed silent, gazing up at her as she stroked my back "These little moments do not define the entirety of who you are Luna Ava. Neither do they have to make you hesitant to do what you believe must be done. You have the power to do anything and everything."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Crazy? I have yet to meet any other pair of mates that have held-on on to the mating process like you two have in all of my life. It's completely normal for things like this to happen, no matter what history you may have between you." She let go of me, placing her hands on her hips "The way I see it, if you don't want it, it'll never become reality. On the other hand, if a little part of you wants it, I believe there's no stopping. It's all on you. Now the question is...."

She turned on her heel and began to walk away, but let me hear her final words.

"Do you not want this or you're too afraid to want this?"

...................

"What's with that distant look in your eyes?" Marcus asked. Ava jumped slightly where she sat and his eyebrows scrunched up as a frown became noticeable on his face

"Nothing. I was just thinking about something." she smiled, but he could see it wasn't that genuine. She was always expressive and couldn't hide how she was feeling in front of anyone. He found it quite endearing "Do you want to eat now?"

He nodded his head in response and quietly watched as she began to unpack the food she had brought with her.

"I'm glad to know you're eating well while you're here." he said, wanting to start up a conversation. Her soft laughter filled the room as she turned to walk towards his bed