Cold Feet novel Chapter 34

VIOLA

I’m mad. I’m angry. He always does this to me. My little voice says, if he makes you angry, why are you standing here so close to him?

Shut up, I tell my inner voice. I am close. Too close. But I don’t want to move away. This is my kitchen after all, my apartment. Well, note mine, but you know what I mean.

He’s gazing into my eyes and he’s close enough that I notice his eyes studying my face. They settle on my lips and I swallow. I lick my lips nervously before his eyes move down over my body.

I take my coffee and turn away. I move around the small island in the middle of the kitchen and head for the door. He watches me go and then picks up his coffee and follows me.

I lead the way to the living room and I’m pretty sure his eyes are on my ass. Why did I wear these shorts, I wonder?

I remain standing as I wait for him to sit down. He takes his seat on the sofa where he sat before. I should sit down on the single seater where I sat before but instead, I sit down on the opposite end of the three seater he is sitting on. I pull my legs up onto the sofa as I did before. I’m more comfortable that way.

His eyes follow my honey brown legs.

I know immediately I’ve made a mistake but I don’t want to fix it as much as I know I should. I don’t know why Rick is here. I don’t know why I let him in.

Deep down I know I’m lying to myself. I do know why I let him in. I do know why he is here, even if he doesn’t know it but I think on some level he does know.

“I’m sorry for everything,” Rick says at last. “I’m sorry for how our first night ended. I’m sorry I had to be the one to take legal action against you, I’m sorry I didn’t persist in contacting you, I’m sorry I…”

“Will you shut up,” I say.

He stops talking and looks at me.

“There’s no need to apologize. It’s all in the past. We can’t change it.”

“But you seem so angry with me. Every time we meet. I upset you. I can understand the first time we met, but the other times…”

“The other times…” As I start to say it my inner voice launches screaming bout in my head, no, no, no! But it’s too late even as I realize it and I know this time my inner voice was right. “The other times had nothing to do with anything you did…” I trail off knowing I shouldn’t say more.

“What? What is it then?” he asks.

I look at him and sip my coffee trying to avoid answering. His eyes are fixed on me. He slides closer and I know I better answer.

I lower my coffee cup as if I’m wielding a small shield made of caffeine that’s going to keep him at bay.

I sit up straighter. “I am upset with you but it’s nothing you do when you’re here. It’s what you’ve already done when you I see you.”

“What do you mean ‘what I’ve already done’?” I can see he is confused as hell.

I surrender my caffeine shield to the coffee table.

“You made me angry the night we met. You disappointed me with your views on relationships and marriages. You have no idea how nice it was kissing you in that garden. You drove me wild. I’d had my eye on you since the church…”

A smile spreads across his mouth slowly as he learns that I’d liked him since the church. I plough on.

Then you give the bride’s parents your card as if to rub in what you told me and they hire you to sue me. As if that wasn’t enough when I finally see you again, I have to find out you’re dating someone and then, you’re getting married!”

My voice has moved up a few notches as I tell him why I’m angry and I sound angry.

“It sounds like it’s all me that did all of that. How is that you say you’re not angry with me?”