Life After the Storm novel Chapter 46

LILLY'S POV 

As I wake up, I look around, everything surrounding me is black. I have no sense of life. I can hear the beeping that surrounds me and the people talking, but I feel it would be better not to be woken up. As I feel the life inside me gone, my heart aches more than it has ever.

I never thought I would ever feel a worse pain than what I felt when I lost my family. Oh! was I wrong, this pain is so much worse it's like someone has ripped my soul from my body and there's no way for it to return. I hate how my life has been turned upside down. I don't want to be a healer, I don't want to be anything, I just want to be left alone to die.

I begin to think that none of this would have happened if my family had been alive, it all could have been avoided. I become so angry with myself, blaming the only people who have ever truly loved me. It is not their fault all that has happened. If they were still here, they would help me fight this life of misery and find a way out of it. Then I wonder why I am giving up. I need to fight, but how.

God, falling in love what a fucking joke I should have known better. I feel like such a fool that I allowed myself to fall in love with someone who didn't love me back. The first time I find any kind of normalcy, and it's gone just like that and there is no chance of even trying to save it.

I don't know why I believed that Ivan would allow me to be free. I should have known better when he knew where I was, I should have run. But I trusted Landon would protect me, what a fool I am. Why would he protect he don't even no me fuck why didn't I run?

I developed that crazy feeling of wanting to protect Jayden like I needed to, wondering if it's because he also is a healer, but he did not need my protection. He only distracted me from reality. I should have never allowed myself to be so distracted by him. I knew what I had to do, which was to run, but I couldn't leave him. I was an idiot thinking I could belong.

I am so lost, I know that I will not be able To pretend that I am asleep forever. I'm going to have to face what everyone has done to me. The hurt that they have cost me and the betrayal that they bestowed onto me. I was not convinced that I could hate life any more than what I did, but it has proven wrong.

I want to avoid being bothered, so I decide to just wait until all the noise clears. I do not want to talk to anyone, I make a promise to myself not to allow myself to love or care about anything ever again. I'm tired of feeling nothing but pain, it's time to just simply feel nothing. I'm not sure If I can do it, but I'm sure as hell going to try. I wait until it is quiet. I truly do not want to be bothered or seen by anyone. I wish I could just pretend to sleep forever.