Alpha Nicholas novel Chapter 39

Well, now I’m fucking terrified that she will, and while there’s a part of me that still wants her to so that I know she will live and can have the chance of being happy there’s another part of me that never wants to let her go regardless of what could be. And while it sounds awful I’m only thinking that way because it’s been a few days since we met and yet she’s still alive so maybe we have a chance… Just maybe.

“When you said that you didn’t want a mate, was that part of the reason?” For some reason I don’t expect her question which in reality is stupid, of course, her mind has wandered back to that and I’m going to be nothing but honest with her from here on out.

“It was the biggest part of it. To see Tony find his soul mate just to have her ripped away from him in less than a day was one of the worst things that I have ever witnessed so trying to even imagine that happening to me completely threw me and so I decided that if I didn’t have my mate, didn’t except her then she couldn’t get hurt. Of course, Storm was all for trying even if he didn’t want to lose his mate, he still wasn’t ready to give up on the idea. Everyone around me assumed it was just me being a miserable bastard but that wasn’t the case. I was scared, really fucking scared and if keeping my mate safe meant living with a reputation of being a complete asshole then I was ok with that.”

“Was there any other reason why you didn’t want a mate?” This girl is smart and is good at sensing stuff and it’s quite terrifying. “There was. Another reason was the fear of what would happen to Storm and me if we rejected our mate. We all know the stories of how some wolves can’t get over not having their mate even if they have rejected them and go insane or kill themselves and I couldn’t do that to Lottie, I couldn’t do it to any of my family but especially Lottie, even more so after what her mom had done to her.”

“And Lottie was also another reason for it right?”

“How do you do that?” I smile at the look on her face. She appears to look confused by my question but her eyes show mischief, It’s not something I’ve seen from her before, but I already know that I want to see it more and often. “Know what I’m thinking or what I’m about to say.”

She shrugs her shoulder but I don’t miss the glimpse of sadness that flickers in her eyes. Yeah… I fucking hate that sight, bring back her mischievous eyes any day. “Growing up like I did you learn a thing or do. Anyway, don’t try and distract me. Come on, tell me your other reason that involves Lottie” It’s a demand, not a question and it’s hot as fuck!

“Within a few years of Lottie arriving here, she started asking questions about my mate. Why I didn’t have one? Was I excited to meet her? And she often asked me if my mate would be her mommy because she had never had one and that broke my heart and developed a new fear in me of not just me losing my mate but also Lottie too.

What if the curse worked and I met my mate and she died, how would I explain that to my little girl? What if I met my mate and she rejected me or didn’t want anything to do with Lottie, how would I explain that to her? I guess over time I just figured that if I rejected her without Lottie knowing that it would just make everything so much easier.”

After a few minutes of kissing and running my hand up and down her back, I bring it down and place it on her leg, and gently rub it. I feel her tense up for a second and I’m glad of it, not because I want her uncomfortable or anything like that but because it’s the reminder that I need to take things slow. Of course, it’s at this moment that she also decides to let out a cock hardening moan and it takes all I have to remember that she was tense just a moment ago.

I think she’s torn between wanting more but not wanting to rush so despite everything in me including Storm telling me to keep going I decide not to be that prick and instead pull back from our kiss and hold back my groan of disappointment. “We should stop, baby. I’m so close to losing my control that it’s not even funny.” At first, she seems a little worried that I stopped and I’d bet my last dollar that she went straight to that dark place in her head, the one telling her that I didn’t like it or had changed my mind but she couldn’t be any further from the truth.

“Alpha, Nick. Fuck, you need to get down the cells right now! Tony’s here and I’m not sure how long we’re gonna be able to hold him back!” Fuck, Tony!