Daddy Alpha I’m In Heat (Lily and Connor) novel Chapter 71

~Lily~

“You know what? No. No, fuck this.”

“I’m tired. I am so fucking tired, Connor.

“You sucked my pussy like a fucking demon. You didn’t even blink while your daughter was outside losing her mind. You didn’t flinch when your wife was–God, she might be dead, Connor! Dead! And you still had your face buried between my legs like I was the only thing in this house that mattered.”

My voice cracked. My legs trembled. But I kept going. I couldn’t stop. Not now.

“You didn’t stop. You didn’t even pretend to care. You sucked my pussy like I was your last meal.

Like I was made to be devoured. And the worst part is that I–I liked it. I fucking loved it. You made me feel like I was the center of your whole universe while everything else was burning. I felt seen. I felt wanted. I felt… loved.”

I blinked. My breath caught in my throat.

“I love you,” I whispered before I could stop myself. “I don’t know when it happened. Maybe it was the first time you kissed me like you were starving. Maybe it was the way you looked at me after you ruined me. Or maybe it was when I realized you never looked at me like I was broken.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks. My lips trembled.

“But I can’t do this anymore.”

My voice rose again.

“I cannot fucking do this, Connor.

“You make me feel good,” I whispered. “So good. So fucking good. And that’s the problem. Because everything else around you is chaos. Violence. Death. Guilt. And I don’t want to raise a baby in this.”

I saw the flicker in his eyes when I said it.

“Yeah. That’s right. I’m probably still pregnant. I don’t know yet. But if I am–God, I don’t think I can keep it. Not like this. Not in this fucking war zone. I can’t bring a baby into a world where the man I love breaks everything he touches.”

I swallowed hard. My lips quivered.

“I love you,” I said again, softer this time. “But I’m drowning. And no amount of pleasure, no matter how good you fuck me, no matter how deep your tongue goes, no matter how many times you make me cum on your beard, it’s not enough to survive this.”

I looked at him. Really looked at him.

“You scare me, Connor,” I said, my voice trembling. “You make me feel everything. You make me want things I should never want. And that’s why I can’t stop. That’s why I keep coming back. That’s why I keep opening my legs even when my heart is begging me to run.”

And then I laughed.

“But I swear to God, if you touch me right now, I might fall again. I might let you fuck me all over again. And I hate that. I hate how easy it would be to forget everything just to feel your mouth on me again.”

He stepped forward.

I backed up.

“I’m not joking, Connor. Don’t.”

But he didn’t stop.

And neither did my heart.

“What do you want, Lily?”

“What do I want?” I repeated, laughing a little because I couldn’t believe he even had the nerve to ask me that. “You really wanna know what I want, Connor? You actually think there’s a straight answer to that?”

He didn’t move. He didn’t flinch. He just watched me like he was reading me, like he already knew the pages by heart but still wanted to hear me say it out loud,

I stepped back. I started pacing. My hands ran through my hair. My legs were still sticky, and I hated how every time I moved, I could still feel the mess between my thighs. It was a reminder of everything I couldn’t undo.

“I want to get away from everything,” I said finally, loud and breathless. “I want to pack a bag, buy a new SIM card, change my name, and disappear into a different state where no one knows who the fuck I am. I want to move into a tiny apartment with no furniture, no memories, no broken faces on the floor. I want peace.

He kept staring.

“I want to feel clean again, Connor! I want to look in the mirror without seeing guilt smeared all over my skin. I want to breathe without hearing Bella’s voice in my head telling me I’m a disease. I want to exist without being the reason a family bled to pieces.”

I stopped pacing. My arms were shaking.

“Make it make sense. Please. Make it fucking make sense. Because nothing does.”

I swallowed hard, and everything came rushing out of me before I could stop it.

“I fucked you.”

“I fucked your stepson.”

I dragged my hands down my face.

“So how the fuck did I end up here?” I shouted. “How the hell did I go from innocent to insane in two weeks? How did I go from babysitting my best friend’s little brother to letting her father eat me out while she banged on the door?! How did I fall in love with you while still aching for the boy who makes my wolf howl?!”

I stopped. My lips trembled. My voice dropped.

“And just so you know–just in case you’re wondering how deep this madness goes–I’ve been thinking about both of you. At the same time.”

He blinked.

My breath hitched.

“Yeah,” I whispered, voice shaking. “I’ve been thinking about both of you fucking me at the same time. One in front. One behind. Both of you destroying me like I belong to neither of you and both of you all at once.”

I saw the look in his eyes change.

“Do you wanna know how crazy that is, Connor?” I yelled. “Do you?!”

I slammed my hand against the dresser.

“It’s fucking insane! It’s sick! It’s twisted! I know it’s wrong! I know I shouldn’t want it, but I do! I think about it every night, and I hate myself every morning! And I can’t tell anyone because who the hell do you confess something like that to?!”

I was crying again.

“This isn’t who I was supposed to be”

“I just wanted a nice boat cruise. That’s all I fucking wanted. Just a little peace. A break. I wanted a drink in my hand and water beneath me and not a single person asking me to be anything or fix anything or carry anything.”

My hands were shaking again. My hair was sticking to my wet skin. My nipples were still hard from the goddamn aftermath of him, and I hated it.

“And yeah, fine. I had the thought of fucking you even before the trip. Don’t act surprised. I noticed you. You looked at me like you wanted to wreck me, and some sick, desperate, lonely part of me wanted to be wrecked. I knew you were danger. I knew you weren’t safe. But I still thought about it. I thought about what it would feel like. I thought about what your mouth would do to me. I thought about what I would sound like under you. But it was just a thought. That was supposed to be the end of it.”

I covered my face for a second. Then I dropped my hands and screamed.

“But guess what? It wasn’t the end. It never is. Everything turned. Everything fell apart. I didn’t just think about it. I didn’t just want it. I did it. I let you touch me. I let you ruin me. I fucked you. And I let you fuck me again. And again. And again. And now I can’t fucking think straight because every single time I close my eyes, I feel your tongue. I hear myself moaning. I see the way you looked at me like I was the only thing you ever needed to taste again.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, swaying slightly, trying to stay upright.

“And I’m pregnant,” I whispered..

My breath was shaky. My vision was blurry. My heart was breaking. But I still kept going.

“I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this, Connor. I can’t breathe in this kind of world. I can’t sleep in sheets that still smell like you. I can’t stand in front of the mirror and see cum running down my thighs while my mind is screaming that I’m becoming someone I don’t even recognize. I can’t keep pretending like any of this is okay.”

I stepped toward the door.

“I’m out of here. I’m gone. I’m leaving before I lose the last piece of myself I have left.”

I grabbed the doorknob, hand trembling so badly it almost slipped out of my grip.

And then his voice came, deep and filled with that dangerous command that always made my legs part before my mind could catch up.

“Don’t you dare go through that door.”

I didn’t turn around. I didn’t flinch. I just stood there, breathing hard, staring at the wood in front of me like it was the edge of a cliff.

“Fuck you,” I whispered. “Watch me.”

“I know you’re going to him when you walk out that door.”

My spine stiffened. My hand clenched at my side. I didn’t turn around, but I felt his presence.

“Don’t try it,” he growled. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

I laughed. Not because it was funny–nothing about this was funny–but because I was too far gone to do anything else.

“You really think this is about him?” I said, still not turning around. “You really think I’m walking out of here just to crawl into someone else’s bed? God, Connor. You still don’t get it, do you? I’m not running to him. I’m running from you.”

I finally turned around, and the look on his face almost made me lose my nerve. His jaw was clenched. His eyes were on fire. His chest was rising and falling like he was trying not to explode.

“You ruined me,” I said softly. “And now you want to decide where I go next?”

He took a step forward.

I stepped back into the threshold, gripping the edge of the door like it was the only thing holding me upright.

“Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t come any closer. Don’t touch me. Don’t speak another word like you own me. You don’t. Not anymore. You lost that right the moment I started crying while your mouth was was still on me.”

His fists clenched.

I shook my head slowly.

“I don’t belong to you. I don’t belong to anyone. Not him. Not you. Not this house. Not this chaos. I’m going to wherever the fuck I need to go to breathe again, and if that terrifies you, good. Maybe it should.”

His lips parted like he wanted to say something else, but I didn’t give him the chance.

“I’m done.”