Julian didn't respond immediately.
Faced with her blunt honesty, he suddenly found himself entirely robbed of words.
The air pressure in the car plummeted.
Helena didn't speak either, waiting until Julian finally shattered the heavy silence.
"Lena, why is it that with him, you can just let go of everything?" Julian asked, clearly fighting to keep his emotions in check.
Helena knew exactly what he was really asking.
For years, she hadn't completely pulled away from Julian.
But she actively recoiled from everyone else.
Whenever she was in a crowded setting, she had to take heavy sedatives just to prevent herself from completely breaking down.
Yet, even when facing Julian's attempts at intimacy, she was secretly terrified.
Intimacy triggered memories of everything she had sacrificed in the past, only to end up with absolutely nothing.
Memories of how she had dragged so many innocent people down with her.
It was a deep-rooted, psychological terror that manifested as intense physical rejection.
But now, she had effortlessly fallen into bed with Sebastian.
Of course Julian was devastated.
Helena steadied her breathing before looking him in the eye. "The drug was extremely potent. My mind was completely clouded. I didn't even know who he was. My options were to sleep with someone or die from the fever."
Drugs like that only existed on the deepest levels of the black market.
They were designed to break the disobedient.
Years ago, they had been common in Coralia, so Julian knew exactly what she was talking about.
"So, my natural inhibitions were completely erased," Helena stated calmly, leaving no room for doubt.
She was being perfectly transparent.
Every word was heavy with sincerity.
It wasn't that she didn't want to fight it; the chemical reaction had simply overpowered her biology.
Sleeping with Sebastian had been a primal instinct driven by a lethal narcotic.
Even if it had been a complete stranger, the end result would have been exactly the same.
Julian remained silent, slowly releasing his grip on her hand.
But his hands fell to his sides, curling into tight fists, the veins on his knuckles popping. He hadn't truly relaxed.
"I'm sorry..." Helena murmured.


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