Healing Kisses (Sophia and Santiago) novel Chapter 196

195

There are cameras everywhere when we arrive. My grandmother and Ana easily blend into the security as Kaylee and I are escorted to the waiting car. There are people screaming my name, trying to get my attention.

Some of are holding signs with my face on them. " Long live the Queen" is being called out by the people who didn't come here to get pictures.

"That's intense," Kaylee says after a while. "Do Lycans not do ceremonies?"

"Yeah, our mating ceremony will be in a couple of months. We had to complete our military training for it to happen. My grandmother is in charge of it, so I know it's going to be a spectacle, I admit I'm a little scared of what she's putting together for us.

"Was your training difficult?" she asks gently.

"Yeah, it was a lot more than what we're used to. I did the first couple of years without having shifted. I was only allowed to join because we all believed I was just a wolf.

After my transition, things got a lot easier. I actually had to practice being careful with certain things. It was a lot weirder when Ragnar discovered my affinity with the water. I didn't know what was happening."

"You must have been scared, she glances over at me.

"I don't think I've felt scared since finding out he's my mate," I admit. "He's gone about it the wrong way at times, but I always know he does the things he does to protect me."

"You mean like not wanting you to come here?" She clears her throat. "Ivar told me that he doesn't believe you'd allow anyone close enough to hurt you anymore.

That you're a more than capable fighter, but I always knew that."

"That's not why he thinks I'm going to get hurt. He thinks I'm too trusting. That if I were to let my guard down around you, you wouldn't hesitate to kill me. You're the one he's afraid of hurting me, and that I would simply dismiss it again because of some sense of duty I have to Gavin," | laugh and shake my head. "I was a mess when I arrived at court.

"I could barely move after the rejection. I couldnt eat, and after forcing myself to, it would come back up. He started to look into my background to figure out how attached I had been to my former life, and he didn't like what he found. Neither of them did.

"Ivar was by far the most bothered by it. The position he found me in is not the way you think you're going to find someone you've always seen as your little sister. It took me a long time to shake the nightmares and to get strong enough to be able to do their training.

"That's what he's afraid of. That it'll happen again and that he wont be able to pull me out of that darkness like before. His hatred isn't because you and the others were mean to me growing up. It comes from the fact that everyone knew what he was doing, and none of you bothered to tell me, so I could just get the fuck out of there. And it's stayed because despite how much I've done, you're all still blaming me for all of your fuck ups."

"Seven thousand wolves lost their lives," she says tightly.

"Yeah, seven thousand compared to the two point six million he wanted to obliterate when he burned the city to ashes. I didnt cause this war. I may have instigated it when I found those documents, but I was just that little stone that no one knew would destabilize the entire structure when pulled."

"You never let the comments from the pack stop you from being Alpha Kaylee. It's no different here. It's always going to be a testament of strength and character. It hurts me to see you doubt yourself like this. You've stood your ground in your disapproval of me. Put some of that energy where it belongs. By Ivars side. He will lay the world at your feet if you just give him that chance.'

"Do you ever feel guilty?" she asks, wiping her face.

"Yes, I do. For all of it,"I place my hand over my flat abdomen and let out a heavy sigh. "Now more than ever. I killed him, Kay. I killed Santiago, and I had his heir removed from my insides. There were times when I believed that maybe I should just have kept my head down and listened to him. I've gotten over it, though. It is what it is now."

"It's easier, I guess, when it's not staring back at you like you mean the world to him," she sighs.

"Maybe," laugh as we pull up to the hotel we're going to be staying in. "Or maybe I just accepted that I was paired with a dumb piece of shit who only valued money and status. And that I was nothing but an accessory to him, like you were to your adoptive family and the family that gave you up. At least now you know."

"Know what?" she smirks.

"That he loves you for you," I say, climbing out of the car.

"I mean, why else would he keep you around?"