I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 187

Chapter 187

Atlas POV

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We walked inside together, and the second the doors opened, the sharp, familiar smell of chlorine hit the air.

Emery went a little still beside me. Not in a bad way. Just… quiet. Like the place had already reached inside her before anyone even said a word. A man in a navy polo with Summit Para Swim Program stitched over the chest spotted us almost immediately and started jogging toward us with an easy, welcoming smile.

“Atlas?” he called.

I nodded and stepped forward. “Yeah.”

He reached me and held out his hand. “Daniel Mercer. Coach Mercer.”

I shook it. “Thanks again for doing this, Coach.”

“Happy to.” Then he turned to Emery, his whole expression softening just a little. “And you must be Emery Collins.”

Em smiled and gave him a small nod. “Hi.”

He shook her hand gently. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she said, her voice quiet but warm.

Coach Mercer stepped back and gestured down the hall. “Come on. I’ll take you in.”

We followed him through the building, our footsteps echoing lightly over the polished floor. The farther we walked, the louder it got, the splash of water, sharp whistles, low voices calling times and directions.

“The team’s doing one of their final training sessions before the Paralympic qualifiers,” Coach Mercer explained as we turned the corner. “So you’re catching them on a serious day.”

That got my attention.

And judging by the way Emery’s fingers tightened around the strap of her bag, it got hers too.

We stepped into the arena, and damn.

The place opened up wide, bright lights reflecting off the water, lane lines cutting clean across the pool, coaches pacing the deck, swimmers moving through the lanes with a level of focus that hit you right in the

chest.

Even I felt it. That energy. That locked-in, no-nonsense, all-business kind of drive.

Coach Mercer led us down to a quieter section of the deck where a pair of seats had been set aside.

“You’ll have a good view from here,” he said. “They’re in the middle of sprint sets right now.”

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Chapter 187

I nodded. “Appreciate it.”

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He gave us both one last look. “Take your time. If either of you need anything, I’ll be right over there.”

“Thanks, Coach,” I said.

He tipped his head once and walked off, already calling something to one of the assistants before he even made it back to the lanes.

Emery and I sat down.

For a minute, neither of us said anything.

We just watched.

The swimmers cut through the water with this kind of ruthless precision that was impossible not to respect. Every turn was sharp. Every finish hard. Some of them had visible limb differences. Some moved differently from what most people expected a swimmer to look like.

None of that mattered once they were in motion.

They looked powerful.

Professional.

Locked in.

And when I glanced at Emery, I saw it.

That spark.

Small, but there.

It lit up her whole face in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Her eyes followed every stroke, every turn, every push off the wall like she wasn’t just watching them, she was remembering. Her lips were parted just slightly, and her whole body leaned forward without her even realizing it.

I smiled to myself and looked back at the pool.

And honestly?

Watching them got to me too.

Not in the same way it got to Emery.

But enough.

Enough to make something shift in me.

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Chapter 187

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These athletes were all business. Disciplined as hell. Focused. Hungry. Whatever they had lost, whatever pain they’d gone through, whatever people might’ve assumed about what they couldn’t do…they were here, working like monsters, chasing something bigger than any of that.

It was impossible not to respect it.

Impossible not to feel fired up by it.

Because if these swimmers could come in here every day with that kind of commitment, that kind of grit, that kind of refusal to fold… then I had no excuse to give anything less to hockey.

****

After practice, Emery and I walked over to Coach Mercer. He was talking to one of the swimmers, and even before we got close enough to hear them, I saw Emery’s whole face change. Because standing beside him was Ava Bennett.

Paralympic gold medalist.

Even I knew who she was.

Coach Mercer looked up and smiled when he saw us coming. “Atlas, Emery, good timing.”

Then he turned to the swimmer beside him. “Ava, this is Emery Collins.”

Emery’s eyes lit up in a way I hadn’t seen all day.

“Hi,” she said, and for the first time since we got there, she looked almost shy. “I’m a really big fan. Seriously. What you’ve done in the Paralympics is…” She laughed softly, a little overwhelmed. “It’s incredible.”

Ava gave this easy shrug, like she got that reaction all the time and still didn’t quite know what to do with it.

“Thanks,” she said. “Mostly I just swim, complain, and let people hand me medals after.”

That pulled a laugh out of Emery.

Coach Mercer smiled and stepped back a little, letting them talk.

They kept it simple. Emery congratulated her on the gold, asked a couple of questions, listened close. Ava answered like an athlete, not some motivational poster calm, funny, real. Then Coach Mercer offered to take a picture, and Emery looked about five seconds away from turning into a teenage fan.

So I took the phone for her.

“Go ahead,” I said.

She stepped beside Ava, smiling for real now, and I swear seeing that look on her face made every call, every email, every bit of effort worth it.

Afterward, we thanked Coach Mercer and Ava again, and then we left.

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Chapter 187

The ride back was quiet.

Not awkward quiet.

Just… thoughtful.

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Emery sat beside me staring out the window, her fingers folded in her lap, her face unreadable in the reflection from the passing streetlights. I figured she was taking it all in. Replaying it. Feeling it.

And I wasn’t about to ruin that.

So I let the silence sit.

By the time we got back to the penthouse, I’d convinced myself the quiet was a good thing.

Hopeful, even.

I parked, killed the engine, and looked over at her with a small smile.

“Those guys are fucking amazing. I have to….”

“Why did you do that?”

The words cut clean through me.

I blinked. “What?”

She turned to me fully now, and whatever I’d thought the silence meant was gone.

There was something sharp in her face. Tight in her jaw. Her eyes weren’t soft anymore. They were guarded.

I frowned. “At Ford and Sam’s place, I saw the way you looked at those photos. At the one from your meet.” 1 tried to keep my voice steady. “I could tell how much you missed swimming. I just thought this might help.”

“Well, you thought wrong.” Her laugh was short and humorless. “I don’t need you snooping around in my life. I love modeling. Swimming is in the past.”

I stared at her. The words didn’t fit what I’d seen in her face. What I’d felt beside her in that room.

I opened my mouth, ready to say something…anything…but she hit me with the next line before I could.

“Was that the plan?” she snapped. “Play savior, make me cry, then hope I’d finally spread my legs for you?”

It felt like somebody had hit me in the chest.

Hard.

I just looked at her. For a second, all the air in the car felt gone. I knew Emery. I knew that look in her eyes. Knew the way fear twisted her up and made her say the ugliest thing she could find just to protect herself. I knew she was being defensive. But knowing that didn’t stop it from hurting like hell.

10:39 Mon, Mar 30

Chapter 187

My jaw tightened.

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I looked away from her for one second, trying to get my face under control before I said something I couldn’t

take back.

Then I gave a small nod.

“I’m sorry I overstepped.”

Her whole expression changed.

Just a little.

Enough that I knew she heard it too. Knew she’d gone too far.

“A… Atlas,” she said, softer now.

But I was already getting out of the car. I couldn’t do this sitting there. Couldn’t let her see what that line had done to me. I walked inside without looking back, every step too measured, too controlled, the kind I only used when I was one second away from losing my shit. I headed straight for my room. Because if I stayed out there one second longer, she was going to see it…

Just how badly she’d broken my heart.

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