I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Atlas POV

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It had been two weeks and three days since I last went down on Emery. Yeah, I was keeping track. Pathetic? Probably. But I couldn’t help it.

The crazy part was how… normal things had been afterward. Not the awkward kind of normal where we avoided eye contact and pretended it never happened. No…real normal. Emery still teased me about that night like it was some random hookup with a frat boy she’d barely remember the name of

And maybe that’s what it was for her. Just… fun. Forgettable.

For me? Not a damn chance.

I’d been thinking about it nonstop.

It was easier to keep my feelings in check when we weren’t living together. Back then, I only had to deal with her at dinner or during class. Now? She was everywhere. The first face I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning. The last voice I heard before bed.

Pretending was getting harder.

I found myself staring when she shuffled into the kitchen half-asleep, hair sticking up, drool still on her cheek. I stared when she stepped out of the shower, hair damp and clinging to her skin. I stared when she got back from the gym, cheeks flushed, body glowing with sweat.

She looked beautiful in every single phase of herself.

And God, it was killing me.

There were moments I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Moments, I got hard just watching her stretch on the damn couch. I even sacrificed my favorite show, watching spoiler breakdowns online, so I didn’t have to sit through another steamy episode of Vikings with her curled against me, making comments that sent me straight to hell.

Shit. Get your head back, Lawson. Don’t slip.

We’d just finished the fifth episode of season three when Emery turned toward me, curling her legs under the blanket.

“I still think Xavier’s the villain,” she announced, tone matter-of-fact.

I turned my head, brow raised. “What makes you think that? The guy literally can’t hurt a fly. We just watched him move ants from one spot to another because he didn’t want the Vikings to crush them.”

Emery scooted a little closer, eyes narrowing like she was making a case in court. “That’s exactly it. Guys like that, act all innocent, saintly, too good to be true, and then, boom, they’re worse than the Devil himself. Example: Kevin.”

I couldn’t hold it in, I burst out laughing, throwing my head back.

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Chapter 33

E55 Vouche

She smirked like she’d won. “What I’m saying is, he’s the true definition of a green snake in green grass”

Still grinning. I shook my head. “Yeah, but remind me, back in high school, weren’t you the one gushing about how dreamy he was? You called him, and I quote, ‘the best boyfriend ever.”

She groaned and waved a hand, like even remembering it made her cringe. “I was delusional. Honestly, it’s still hard to believe he cheated on me when I was seconds away from giving him my V-card.”

Something tightened in my chest. My jaw flexed, but before I could say anything, she added with a small laugh, “Honestly, I’m actually grateful you stepped in that day. Although… if I’d had a gun, I probably would’ve shot you.”

That made me laugh out loud again. Her lips twitched into a grin.

“But I’m glad I didn’t,” she said softly.

I looked at her…..really looked. Her face lit by the glow of the TV, her eyes sparkling, that little smile pulling at

her mouth.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice quieter. “You deserve someone special.”

For a second, she just held my gaze, then smiled. Really smiled. The kind that reached her eyes.

“Thanks, Atlas.”

I swallowed hard and forced myself to look back at the dark TV screen, trying to ignore the warmth pooling in my chest. Because the truth was… I wanted to be that someone. But she had no idea.

“You know…” Emery began breaking my thoughts, her voice light but her eyes flicking away like she was trying not to overthink it, “If I’m being honest, you did give me the impression of the kind of guy who believed a first time should be, like… perfect.”

She let out a short, awkward laugh, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “When you first rejected me and gave that whole ‘you’re a virgin’ speech, I thought maybe you just didn’t want to hook up with me and were trying to be nice about it.”

That hit me.

Harder than I expected.

I sat up straighter, my voice firmer than I meant it to be. “That’s not the reason. Emery… you’re amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

Her face flushed immediately. Her eyes darted to the side, and she cleared her throat, pretending to focus on some invisible speck on the couch.

“So you’re telling me… you’ve never hooked up with a virgin?” she asked, raising a brow, almost like she didn’t

believe me.

I shook my head. “Never.”

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Chapter 33

Her eyes widened. “That’s a lie.”

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I narrowed mine at her. “Wait, what do you take me for? Some kind of fuckboy who can’t keep ins pains on

She gave me a pointed look. “Well… yeah. I mean, look at you. You’re an athlete, you’re great at what you do you’re super hot, and also really smart. Girls literally throw themselves at you”

I should’ve said something about the insult buried in there, but nope. My brain chose to latch oms one thing and one thing only.

I grinned.

“What?” she asked, suspicious.

“You just called me super hot,” I said, trying and failing to hide the amusement in my voice

She rolled her eyes, but I didn’t miss the way her cheeks tinted pink. “Yeah, well. As much as you piss me off on a daily basis, I’m not blind. You’re… pleasant to the eyes or whatever.”

I leaned in closer, just enough to make her squirm a little. “So you do find me attractive. Goldie.”

She scoffed again, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Dream on, Lawson.”

I couldn’t help the smirk spreading across my face. “Says the girl whose face is as red as a tomato.”

“I’m not blushing,” she shot back quickly, fanning her face with both hands. “It’s just hot in here. And you’re in my space, move!”

She gave me a playful push on the shoulder. I chuckled and leaned back a little, giving her the tiniest bit of room. But she was smiling now, the kind that tugged at one corner of her mouth like she was trying to hide in

And damn… she was beautiful.

Every sarcastic, stubborn, frustrating inch of her. And if she didn’t stop looking at me like that….

I was going to kiss her….Man, I wanted to kiss her badly.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Her voice was soft, hesitant. I turned my head toward her. “Sure.”

She bit her bottom lip, hesitating just a second longer. “Why don’t you let me touch you?”

My heart stopped. Then kicked back hard. “W-what?” I managed, blinking.

Her voice was softer now, more uncertain. “You’ve gone down on me twice. And both times I..” she paused. her cheeks flushing as she searched for the right words, “I tried to touch you. I mean, I get the first time-we were drunk, messy, barely knew what we were doing. But last time? It was obvious you needed help down there.”

“Em…” I started, but she didn’t let me finish.

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