I Swear I Still Hate Him (Atlas Lawson) novel Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Atlas POV

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My heart’s been pounding so hard, I’m almost certain she can hear it. She’s pressed against the wall, glowing like some kind of dream, ethereal, breathtaking, riding my knee like she’s made to fit there.

Shit

My pants are tight. Uncomfortably tight. My dick begging for freedom, and all I can do is silently beg him to behave. Just hold on, man. Not now. Not yet. I’ve done stuff before. I’ve seen girls naked, made out in backseats, fumbled through firsts with shaky hands and half-naked confidence. But none of that, not my first kiss, not my first makeout, not even the first time I saw boobs, nothing has ever hit me like this.

Like her.

She’s not even naked, and yet every part of me feels lit up, wired, buzzing, unraveling. My heart’s a grenade with the pin halfway pulled, and all she has to do is say my name one more time for me to completely lose it.

And then she does.

“Atlas,” she breathes, hips moving faster.

I swear I black out for half a second. She didn’t need to say she was close. I could feel it, the way she trembled, how her body clung to mine like she needed me to keep her from flying apart.

My lips found her neck, kissing up until they brushed her ear. “Let go,” I whispered.

And when she did, when her whole body gave in, I caught her mouth with mine, swallowing her soft cry as my hands held her tight.

We stayed like that for a moment, her breath still shaky, mine barely there. I didn’t move, didn’t loosen my grip, not until I felt her muscles soften against me. Not until I knew she was okay.

I dipped my head and pressed a kiss to the top of hers, whispering, “You did good.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just her, everything about her, but suddenly I was feeling things way too much. Like my heart couldn’t decide between exploding or melting. I just wanted to hold her, whisper every damn thing I loved about her, and touch her like she was the only thing in the world that could ground

Her eyes shifted, slowly drifting downward… and then stopped.

Right. Yeah. That.

I didn’t have to explain what she was looking at, it was obvious. And honestly, I wasn’t even embarrassed. Just completely and utterly wrecked by her.

She met my eyes again, lips parted slightly, cheeks flushed.

15:01 Tue, Dec 30

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Chapter 47

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“Sit,” she said softly.

My chest tightened. That one word? It completely knocked the air out of me. And yeah, I wanted her. Every bit of her. But even in this haze of tipsiness and adrenaline, I didn’t want this to be about me. I wanted to make sure she knew she mattered. That she was more than a moment.

“Emery…” I began, my voice rough. “You don’t-”

“Atlas,” she cut in, voice soft but firm, her gaze locking on mine. “Just sit.”

I swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing like a traitor. My legs moved before my brain caught up, and the next thing I knew, I was sinking into Riley’s chair, I watched her, heart pounding, as she slowly walked up to me, eyes never leaving mine. I know a second ago I was trying to stop her, but I would be lying if I said my whole body didn’t light up with anticipation.

I watched as she knelt down, hands spreading my legs as she scooted in. She pulled her hair into a ponytail, honestly, I should’ve been asking where she got the band, but I was too turned on to think straight.

She gave me a beautiful, sly smile, then unbuckled my belt and pulled down my zipper slowly. Her hand moved, and she revealed a very happy and excited, might I add, throbbing dick.

He sprang forward, all excited, thick, and impossible to hide. Her eyes stared.

And I couldn’t help but groan, “Emery, you keep staring, and I might just come.”

She smiled. “That wouldn’t be so bad,” she teased.

I chuckled, and just when I was about to give a comeback, a louder-than-intended sound ripped out of me when I felt her lean in, slow, warm, impossibly soft.

“Fuck… f…fuck…fu…shit”

My head flew back against the chair, chest heaving in and out, hands instinctively finding her head as she absolutely ruined me…in the best possible way.

I swear, I’ve always been a quiet guy, maybe a moan here, a grunt there, but this? This was something else entirely. I couldn’t shut up. Her name was falling out of my mouth on repeat like a damn song stuck on loop, and every part of me was trembling like I’d stuck a fork in a live wire. My hands tightened in her hair, knuckles white, back arched slightly off the chair. My breath hitched every time I thrusted. Every. Damn. Time.

“E-Emery…” I gasped, voice breaking like a teenage boy’s.

My eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenched, head thrown back. I was barely holding on.

What the hell was happening to me?

Had she said that idiot Henry told her she was bad at this?

Was he high? Blind? Or maybe something was just wrong with his dick, because I was seconds, literal freaking seconds, from…

15:01 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 47

“Sh*t,” I choked out, forehead beading with sweat. “You’re gonna…Em…”

Fuck yeah

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My hips jerked forward instinctively, hands gently threading through her hair, fingers flexing. I wanted to move faster fuck I wanted to go harder….desperately, but a voice in my head kept me grounded.

Don’t hurt her. Be gentle. Let her set the pace.

“Y-You’re doing amazing,” I managed to say between shaky breaths, chest rising and falling like I’d just run a marathon.

Yes… right there… just like that.

Words kept tumbling out of me, half in English, half in broken French I didn’t even know I remembered. My mind was mush, my heart pounding like it was about to rip through my ribs.

“Emery…” I gasped, jaw clenched. “I’m… close.”

She didn’t stop, instead, her pace increased…. and my body reacted, my back arching as my release hit hard. I bite my lips hard…so hard I could taste the blood as I tried to hide my moans.

She slowly pulled away, her lips parted and glistening, cheeks flushed, and eyes a little watery, but damn, still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She swallowed hard, catching her breath, and then gave me this smile that nearly wrecked me. That kind of smile you don’t recover from.

Every inch of me wanted to pull her back in, wrap her up in my arms, and keep going. Over and over. But I forced myself to stay still, heart hammering in my chest. I reached out, brushing a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

“Thank you,” I whispered, voice thick, rough. My hand lingered on her jaw for a beat longer than it should have.

She gave a small nod, and we both shifted, adjusting ourselves in silence. I smoothed down my shirt. She tugged at the hem of her dress, fingers a little shaky. We looked like two guilty kids who’d just broken every rule in the book, but somehow, I didn’t feel guilty. I felt… high.

Emery finally spoke, voice low. “I’ll go first. You stay, five minutes or so. Just so it doesn’t look suspicious.”

I gave a silent nod, jaw clenched to keep myself from saying something dumb like don’t go.

She turned to leave, but I reached out, curling my fingers around her wrist. She stopped. Looked back at me with those wide, dazed eyes.

“Come here,” I murmured, pulling her gently toward me.

She didn’t resist.

I leaned in and kissed her again. Slow. Deliberate. My hand cupped the back of her neck as our mouths met, softer this time, like I was memorizing her all over again. I needed her to feel what I felt, that this wasn’t just some moment we’d forget.

15:01 Tue, Dec 30

Chapter 47

When she pulled away, her face was glowing pink. Eyes shy. Lips still swollen.

That blush?

That smile?

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God, I knew right then… There was no way she was walking out of this room without thinking about exactly what just happened.

And neither was I.

***

Luckily, no one caught on to our little escape.

She was back, talking with Howard. And though I still hated that, I wasn’t so jealous, because while she smiled at him all friendly, a few minutes ago she had been moaning my name. But every now and then, our eyes met. And every single time they did, it hit me, we were the only two in that room who knew the truth behind those looks. The moans. The chaos. The way she….

Stop.

I slept like a freaking baby that night. I mean, out cold. No tossing, no dreams, just peace. Woke up the next morning feeling like I just got promoted to goddamn president of the Good Vibes Association. I stretched, yawned, tugged on a hoodie, and padded into the hallway of our apartment, still grinning like a fool.

That’s when I saw her.

Emery.

Hair tied up, oversized shirt barely brushing her thighs, mug of coffee in one hand, and those same flushed cheeks she had last night.

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