The Stand In Wife's Revenge novel Chapter 37

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familiar? The sensation of wanting someone so badly and intensely

not just the act of kissing. My body seemed to remember something that my mind had forgotten. I felt as though I had been here before

held by a man who made my heart race my knees weak and my breath

catch.

But that man wasnt Alexander. Was he? I gave a violent shake of my

head. No. That was not feasible. He wasnt familiar. He had taken me

in after my accident but that was about all I knew about him. Even

though he was aloof unreadable and cold there was somethin

him that drew me in.

out

And now? I was sitting here anguished and perplexed attempting to

make sense of something that never should have happened. I let out a

sigh and put my hand down in my lap. This was not the proper way to

feel. Then Alexander was. difficult. He could be fierce erratic and

frightening at times.

When he caught me in that bedroom I could see the rage in his eyes

and I could hear the acerbic tone in his voice as he demanded

answers. However I had also noticed how his eyes softened and how

his lips paused before meeting mine as though he was struggling with

something inside of himself.

Was it something he regretted? I felt my chest tighten at the thought.

He had twice expressed regret. Was he thinking he shouldnt have or

was it because he hadnt wanted it? I pulled my knees to my chest and

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moaned once more.

When I have my entire life to plan and organize I shouldnt be doing

this and shouldnt allow myself to fall in love with a complete

stranger. This was all illogical. Putting the pieces of my memory back

together and discovering who I was was supposed to be my goal.

And yet I found myself losing myself in a stranger. I was made to feel

things by a man I wasnt sure I was ready for. I clenched my fingers

against my arms and bit my lip. Suppose this was an error? But at

if I couldnt trust Alexander? If that were the case though why had I

felt so secure in his embrace?

Why was I drawn to him in this weird painful way as though we were

connected by an unseen force? I had no answers. And I was afraid of

that. I exhaled tremblingly as I tried to calm the raging storm inside

of me. I felt increasingly lost as I attempted to make sense of my

jumbled emotional mess.

Perhaps it was the circumstances. Perhaps I was mistaking

appreciation for attraction. Alexander had been the only thing that

had remained consistent in my life since the accident after all. Even

though he was aloof and occasionally chilly he had provided me with

a place to stay and assisted me in getting better. But there had been

times hadnt there?

Tiny hints of something different hiding behind that tough exterior.

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He had regarded me tonight as though I were something he couldnt

comprehend. In the same way that I was trying to resist him he was

trying to resist me. Yet why? How come we both felt like we were

fighting something? With a deep exhale I massaged my temples.

Perhaps I was making too many assumptions about this. Perhaps all I

wanted was something to cling to someone to help me feel anchored

in this strange world. Or perhaps–just possibly–we had a genuine

connection. I gave a headshake. No. I had to stop thinking that way. I

had no history no solid groundwork.

I had no idea who I was outside of my image in the mirror. I had no

right to become enmeshed in emotions that I wasnt yet ready to

comprehend. Wasnt that the issue though? Because my body still

remembered the heat of his lips the pressure of his hands against my

waist and the way he had drawn me in like he couldnt help himself

despite my best efforts to forget.

Even worse I secretly hoped I wouldnt forget. I let out a quiet laugh

without any humor. What sort of person was I after that? I had no

history or identity but here I was caught up in feelings for a man who

had only sent me conflicting messages. With a groan I rolled onto my

side and gazed at the wall.

This was something I had to be clever about. I had to stop allowing

something I didnt understand to captivate me. I tried to force my thoughts to stop talking as I closed my eyes but all I could feel was

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the ghost of his kiss, hanging around…scaring me.

Worst of all it makes me want more.