The Stand In Wife's Revenge novel Chapter 84

Chapter 84

Nothing helped even though the steam swirled around me and the hot shower water hit my skin like a thousand needles. Then it didnt. As I stood there I let it pour over me in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts that were sticking to me like a second skin.

However nothing was effective. The fear could not be erased. I feared drowning under the weight of the image of Fionas lifeless body which I couldnt get out of my head. I clung to the hope that she would awaken every day, that I wouldnt have to spend the rest of my life in the shadow of this emptiness and that she would return to me.

But every day seemed to be a sentence. An excruciatingly slow waiting game. What if she doesnt awaken? The question kept coming back to me like a ghost gnawing at me while remaining just out of reach. I squeezed the soap bar until the plastic creaked but it didnt help.

The fact that the person I had centered my life around and loved for years lay in that hospital bed unable to move or speak was still there. My thoughts and heartbeat were all focused on her and I was unable to recall the last time I had felt completely alive and free. my spouse. I had promised my life to this woman.

My entire world had revolved around Fiona. The thing that helped me stay grounded. the one I went to when I felt like everything else in my life was falling apart. She had remained steadfast and unflinching when I had lost everything including my family and my fortune.

My fulcrum had always been her. And at this moment. I was lost now. Although the water poured over my face it did nothing to relieve the constriction in my chest. I was having trouble breathing and my heart was pounding hard in my chest as if it were trying to break free from the cage that was my body.

When I swallowed I felt as though something heavy and thick was stuck in my throat and wouldnt go away. What if I have been clinging to a ghost and what if she doesnt wake up? I let the water run over me while I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the cool tile wall.

The sensation of my chest caving in was nearly oppressive. The terror. The anxiety. the ambiguity of everything. What could I do without her? How could I go on when the woman I had centered my entire life around was getting farther away every day?

I had a deep affection for her.

Nothing in this world could compare to how much I loved her. Even though we had become more distant over the previous few years I still loved her in spite of all of her shortcomings. When we argued when we laughed together or just when we were together I loved her.

Both when she was cold, aloof and unreachable and when she was everything I could ever want I loved her. Now though? I was afraid now, Losing her was too much for me to bear. I was unaware that the water was still pounding against my skin.

My entire body felt numb as though I were neither totally present nor entirely absent existing in a liminal space between here and there. Sort of in limbo. if I lost her. if she didnt awaken. I had no idea how I would make it. I had no idea how I was going to find the strength to

continue.

To me she embodied everything. As if I could somehow ground myself in the physical world I exhaled a long trembling breath while pressing my hands against the wall and digging my fingers into the tiles.

There was no way out of the fear–filled cycle that was circling my mind. What if the doctors were correct? What if she did not have a serious illness as they claimed? What if they simply did not want to tell me the truth? What if she would never wake up and I would be left here by myself?

10:16 am PP –

alt

Chapter 84

a chill run down my spine at the thought. It was like taking a kick to the stomach. As if the air itself were thickening and b it to breathe I felt as though I was being suffocated. For her I had to be the one keeping things together the

t sure how long I could continue to act as though everything was fine though when the fear was so overwhelming and pressin t sure how much longer I could pretend everything was alright when I was actually crumbling. I loved her with all of my heart ase and all–consuming

hat love was now shredding me to pieces. Without her how would I manage? I shuddered a little as the water got colder searching f sort of meaning in the icy feeling that swept through me. I couldnt stop thinking about her though. Her face was pale.

Her body was in that hospital bed..half dead. She is being kept alive by the machines, how the heart monitor beeps. But what if I had down? I had let a lot of people down in my life. I had made costly mistakes.

I had always relied on Fiona though. I had vowed to keep her safe, to tend to her. I couldnt even save her from this at this point. I was to prevent her from harming herself. My thoughts were roiling with guilt threatening to engulf me. I should have been there for her but

wasnt.

My actions were insufficient. The signs were invisible to me. What if I hadnt been listening to her? What if she had been reaching out an requesting assistance? The sensation of my nails digging into my palms caused me to clench my fists which briefly brought me back to th present. However it was insufficient.

Not a single thing was sufficient. I felt like I was being choked by the fears increasing pressure. If she didnt wake up could I ever forgive myself? Could I ever accept that I couldnt save her? I wished the tears that threatened to spill back behind my eyelids and closed my eyes.

VERIFYCAPTCHA_LABELVerify