To tip
Dave sitting beside me while I worked.
Dave explaining Something complicated until I finally understood it.
Dave encouraging me when I doubted myself.
Dave being the person whose opinion somehow mattered more than everyone else’s.
Then I wrote:
I admired him deeply.
I didn’t cross it out.
For Theo, I struggled.
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Silence
Lydia POV
Not because I didn’t like him.
Because admire felt like too big a word.
Eventually, I wrote:
I don’t think “admire” describes it.
Then:
I’m happy when I see him doing well. It feels almost like watching an older brother? No. Younger brother. Like seeing someone I care about finally figuring his life out.
I frowned.
Again with the younger brother thing.
“Interesting.”
I circled it.
Seventh: If romance disappeared tomorrow, would I still want this person in my life?
This one was easy.
Theo absolutely.
I smiled.
I’d still want him around. But honestly, I don’t know if he’d want that.
I hesitated.
Because that thought actually hurt a little.
Then Dave.
I almost laughed.
Romance disappeared years ago and he’s still in my life. So… obviously.
I underlined obviously.
Eighth: Am I attracted to him-or attracted to how he makes me feel about myself?
I stared at that question.
Then dropped the pen onto the mattress.
“No.”
I picked it back up.
“Nope.”
I dropped it again.
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“This is stupid.”
eached for my phone.
Maybe I could just call Dr. Sana and tell her the exercise was psychologically abusive.
My hand hovered over her contact.
Then I put the phone down.
“No.”
I picked up the pen again.
“I am a fighter.”
I took a breath.
Fine.
Dave.
I stared at the blank space.
Then wrote:
I’m always attracted to that man.
I paused.
Then, despite myself, smiled.
He looks ridiculously good. Always has. Which probably explains why I didn’t want to cohabit with him.
I laughed quietly.
That sounded ridiculous.
But it was true.
Living with Dave had been dangerous for reasons that had nothing to do with arguments.
The man could walk into a room looking like that and expect me to behave normally?
Please.
Then I wrote Theo’s name.
I love how he makes me feel.
My expression softened.
He makes me feel things I think I should have experienced in my early twenties. Excitement. Anticipation. Being pursued. Being spoiled. Being wanted without having to question it.
I paused.
208gus
Trust slowly returning-
Someone who had already survived the worst version of our relationship with me.
I rubbed my forehead.
“Jesus Christ.”
Why did it feel like I saw Theo as a younger brother I never had?
Or, at most, my best friend?
That was not exactly the revelation I had expected when I sat down.
I closed the notebook.
Opened it again.
Read everything one more time.
Nothing changed.
My stomach tightened.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
I didn’
And that scared me.
Because I wasn’t used to being indecisive about my own emotions.
I could walk into a crisis-management meeting with a client whose reputation was collapsing and build a strategy in thirty minutes.
I could negotiate contracts.
Handle angry executives.
Manage journalists.
Protect people’s careers.
But apparently, ask Lydia which man she actually wanted?
System failure.
I reached for my phone.
It was a little after seven.
I found Dr. Sana’s number.
She answered after the third ring.
“Hello?”
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“Dr. Sana.”
There was silence.
Then-
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