The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO) novel Chapter 209

“You look beautiful, neonata,” he says, almost as though he can read my mind. I swallow hard as the lump of emotion threatens to rise through my throat at the fact that he always knows.

Is there another human being alive so effortlessly in tune with me? Who always says just what I need to hear?

“I look tired and awful,” I reply quietly. “I haven’t been sleeping a whole lot lately.” I bring my hands to the hem of the cozy long jumper dress, fiddling with the soft wool, and chew my lip. Now I’m here beside him and ready to get this out I don’t know what to say or how to say it; I don’t even know what I want.

“Makes two of us.” His voice is lighter and without looking up I can tell he’s staring at me with his beautifully gorgeous green eyes.

God, I miss him so much.

Even his smell and closeness are aiding wounds that have opened over the last few days. The eternal despair and loneliness that consumed me is fading with his mere presence and him being his normal gentle self. I can almost forget the past few days of agonizing loneliness.

“You hurt me.” It’s the only thing I can think of to say to get this in the direction it needs to go. I’m so used to Jake leading conversations that involve feelings but not this time. I need him to understand what I’m feeling and thinking and not let it bubble up inside me.

“I know … I hate myself right now, Emma, you have to believe me. If I could go back and stop it then I would, in a heartbeat.” He shifts closer, his leg up on the couch so he’s fully turned to me. I can’t bring myself to turn to him; tears welling up inside me now that we’re doing this. “I can’t function without you … I miss you like crazy, bambino, and I’m losing my mind not being able to touch you.” His nearness causes waves of tingles and cold to run over me, my body as confused as my mind, turning into a chaos of mixed signals. Lust, fear, longing, defiance, love, hate, heartbreak. I’ve no idea what to feel about him.

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive what you did.” A silent tear rolls down my cheek. “I trusted you.” I lift my hand tangling my fingers into my hair, turning the strand, and twisting it absent-mindedly, trying to focus on something else rather than the erupting chaos inside of me. Jake leans out over me, automatically, taking my hand in his and slides the last gap between us holding my hand to his chest and over his heart. His touch is searing yet comforting but pushes the vision of his hand on her into my head and I pull it away as though it’s been scolded. He says nothing and doesn’t react but sighs gently, accepting the fact that I can’t have him holding my hand.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn it back … I’ll do anything, Emma, I’ll go anywhere. If you want me to cut all ties with her then I will.” His voice only holds strong conviction.

“What about the baby?” I croak, my heart thudding like a war drum. I can’t look at him when he’s sitting so close, but I can feel his eyes burning into me; devouring me.

“If you asked me to walk away from that too then I would. I know how bad it’s going to be for us, to have that connection with her. All I want is you back in my arms, Emma.” He leans closer so he’s almost touching my hair with his nose. I hold my breath, fighting with myself to move away, but my body stays still, betraying my mind. My body wants this even if my brain is screaming to get away from him. I feel so powerless.

“I wouldn’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to abandon it, despite me not wanting the baby to be there.” My hands are shaking so badly I push them between my knees and press my legs together to hold them still.

“I know you wouldn’t, but I need you to know that I would do anything for you.”