“We need to go out today, Emma.” Jake wakes me from my nap with a gentle kiss on the mouth. I’m on the couch where I fell asleep with a book. Kissing has made a definite come back, although Jake never lets it move into full-on passion. I know it’s because he doesn’t want to escalate things, but he has gone back to kissing me softly, tenderly, and sometimes a little erotically. I’ve managed to gain control of the Demon Bitch appearing in my head, with the kissing at least; she doesn’t pop in there as easily anymore.
“Where?” I stretch out and yawn. This last week I haven’t felt like doing anything or going out at all; morning sickness and tiredness are currently ruling my life. I guess I’m finally starting to accept the idea of a baby growing inside of me; appointments for doctors have been arranged for a week’s time. I’m not exactly jumping around with excitement, but at least I’m not trying to ignore that this child exists anymore. I’m slowly coming to terms with it; whether that acceptance has found happiness yet is another issue entirely, but I’m no longer fretting every time I think about it.
I’ve been lazing around the rooms, watching movies, eating a lot, and reading; curled up with him or watching him workout at the gym while I laze on a lounger with a smoothie or a book. Jake has been working from home a lot more and generally letting me get away with extreme laziness since that day in our bedroom.
My anger is calming with his constant affections and I have found myself in more level moods, if still a little touchy at times. I’m more in control and at peace with myself, sort of. Jake’s touch and his intimacy are what I needed all along. We’re still healing. I still need to fully forgive him and I’m not sure of where I am with trusting him yet because we haven’t come to a point where it has been tested.
Demon Bitch is still a situation he hasn’t even begun to approach yet, still not facing the fact he needs to contact
her regarding the child she’s carrying, pushing that issue aside in favor of focusing on me. I have the impression
he is not only avoiding her because of how it makes
me feel but because of what he did. It’s a mess in
his own mind and it’s obvious his guilt is right up there beside my heartbreak.
“The Hamptons.” He smiles, leaning down kissing me on the cheek, before helping me to my feet. He smooths down my dress and hauls my cardigan around me to button it up in a very paternal way.
“Why are we going there?” I lazily watch his fingers at their task and ignore the urge to have them on my naked skin, the desire to be with him fully still aching inside of me. but I’m trusting him; to know that sex wouldn’t help how I am thinking or feeling. He asked me to give him a little faith in knowing what I need and so I am.
“First, we need to tell my family about this.” He smooths a hand down my flat stomach affectionately, making me smile warmly. He’s been waiting to see his mother face-to-face and had wanted things between us to be more stable before telling them. “Secondly, I set up a house viewing.” He pauses warily, that flicker of doubt crossing his eyes and furrowing his brows as he waits for my reaction … Tenses for my reaction more like. I still at the subtle change in his demeanor and can’t help but eye roll that only he could bring us back around full circle to the reason we’d ever hurt one another in the first place.
“A what?” I ogle him with narrowed eyes, but he only kisses me quickly, a fleeting look of apprehension and continues straightening out my appearance for me, acting like he’s in full control and not nervous in the slightest.
Hmmmm.
I rub the tiredness from my eyes and try to get my foggy brain together. I’m not sure if I even have any real reaction to this.
“We’re going to look at a house … Our possible future home.” He at least has the grace to seem uncomfortable
and straightens up to lock eyes with mine. “You
wanted commanding bossy asshole back? Here he is.
Now if you want to tell me you still don’t want it then fine,
I won’t be an asshole about it, but at least let me show
you first.” The confidence doesn’t quite reach his tone,
but I just sigh and realize I’m not even mad. I’m not anything. No fear, no panic, no irritation. He is exactly who I wanted him to be and I should accept that a future with him involves a new house.
“Okay.” I run my fingers through my hair and try to
fluff it out.
“Okay, you’ll let me show you the house?” He queries, with a severe look of trepidation on his face. The cute youthfulness he sometimes gets when he’s doubting himself makes him more adorable.
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