It all happens so fast that it’s like a dream, the car sweeping past as I gaze out of the open door hazily, distant enough to be a blur but close enough to see it turn this way. Headlights turning to blind me painfully as the wailing of the house alarm becomes almost unbearable. My consciousness giving way as the pulsing aches and ripples through my abdomen course along my legs and up my front, making my jaw ache. The warmth between my legs causing my heart break and silent tears pour down my face. I can no longer move or cry, immobilized and cradling her to me, begging her to stay. My head is foggy as the ache starts to devour me slowly, like a wave of numbness moving in.
It’s just the two of us cocooned together in a safe little bubble of non-reality; together and holding on in the hopes of coming out of this okay, of never being parted.
The blur is Giovanni running toward me, a dark expression of concern on his face and his familiar wide shoulders, like Jake’s, grounding me. I focus on nothing but him and try to breathe as his face of safety gets closer, relief sweeping through me as heavy fatigue takes me over.
Now Mathews’ face is close to mine, I must’ve closed my eyes for a moment. The nausea, dizziness, and blurry vision heighten as my body raises up away from the cold hard ground. I don’t know what’s happening anymore. Human warmth around me, the smell of distant aftershave and mixed voices. Familiarity in some weird distant way.
“Emma! Emma.”
I hear my name but it’s far away … so far… my baby girl and I want to sleep. Yes, sleep and wake up in Jake’s arms and his beautiful smile, that I call home.
* * *
My head aches so badly that I’m afraid to open my eyes, my throat stings and my whole leg is throbbing. My abdomen feels of nothing, just cold calm numbness. I’m too hazy to experience any sort of emotions inside me. Woozy and sick, disorientated, and I have no idea if I’m dreaming or dead. The pain is too much for me to push through to open my eyes and my body feels so heavy and unresponsive that I’m not even sure I can.
There’s a low gentle noise seeping into my thoughts, tenderly stirring emotions that I am trying so hard to cling to. The sound is fading in and out of mind and every time I try to follow it, it seems to move further away. I feel like I’m at one end of a long dark tunnel and everything else is all the way over there, at the glimmer of light in the distance; if I move toward it I can hear it a little clearer.
I pull myself along the dark cold space, moving closer to the light in the far-off distance, straining to listen and hope that if I do then my eyes will open and let me see where I am. The silence starts to recede as I urge along toward the muffled noise, bringing it louder into my sub-conscious and the notes vibrating around my brain. The faint melodic notes of a familiar song tugging me toward the light and the warmth that now seems to be trailing across my cheek. Something so familiar and inviting, begging me to turn toward it. Tiny notes of a song I know and the soft touch that I need with emotions connected to memories that are fuzzy and just out of my grasp. I need to try harder.
I strain forward, the heaviness becoming tranquil, helping my mind stay tuned. I recognize the melody instantly; the beautiful soft words of “Halo” coming through the haze toward me and a soft gentle breath crosses my brow. Jake’s words, his songs; explaining to me how he feels in a way he thinks he never can.
My emotions rush my heart at finding this small piece of joy in my dark prison. The familiar intoxicating smell of his body and soul and the touch of his fingers across my lips as he tries to draw me out to the light to be with him.
“Emma, bambino … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Come back to me, baby … Don’t leave me, please …”
Jake! Jake, my sweet Jake. You’re here. You found me. I love you.
His low husky tone is wracked with anguish and pleading, reaching out to me, and I want to stretch out and console his voice. I want to open my eyes and draw him into me. His voice is drowning in pain and aching for me, and I try desperately to reach out toward him. My mind is too exhausted, it wants me to go back into the darkness, but I won’t submit. I won’t leave him, he needs me. I can hear it in the pain that tortures his voice. He needs me to make it all okay for him.
I did it, Jake. I fought him off, Ray was here at our house in our lives, but I fought him off and I won. I did it for us, for you and our baby. He can’t hurt us anymore.
“I love you, Emma … I can’t do this without you, I’ll never survive. Please? I need you to try for me. Just try to come back to us … I’ll never let you go and never let you out of my sight again.”
I’m trying, baby. I swear. I want to tell you everything. I want to be with you forever.
Jake’s soft voice pulling me upwards against the tide of heaviness that’s trying to consume me. His hand, a graceful soft stroke of tenderness, runs across my face and I beg my sub-conscious to open my eyes and tell him that I’m here. I’m trying so hard to be with him. Consumed with aching emotion and overwhelming sadness at whatever this is, trying to keep us apart and I want to fight so hard; fight for him and us. I feel like I’m stuck in a dream and I’m losing time every time the darkness draws me back in.
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