Trouble in Paradise (Arianna and Nicholas) novel Chapter 595

The sky had grown dark. A heavy feeling settled in my chest. I wanted to step out and get some air.

Nicholas was still seething with anger at Claudia. But he refused to let go of me, holding my hand tightly.

In a hoarse voice, I shook my head and said expressionlessly, "I'm not interested in her apology."

Nicholas gripped my wrist tightly, completely oblivious to the pain he was causing me.

He said, "What about me? Aren't you interested in me either? You promised to give me a chance to explain!"

Nicholas tried to force a smile, but I couldn't see through it. I almost forgot that I was supposed to listen to what he had to say.

"Go on," I said.

He let out a bitter chuckle.

"I… I was a mess for a few years. During that time, I was in such a bad state that I couldn't even remember what I'd done. I was constantly torn between loving you and hating you.

"If I had known this would happen, I would never have done what I did. I would have definitely gone looking for you, and I would have stayed by your side."

Hate. It wasn't the first time I'd heard Nicholas use that word.

He repeated it so often that I knew he meant it. While I had done everything in my power to leave him and escape his control, he had hated me just as much as I had hated him.

"If I had known this would happen" was a completely hypothetical situation. It was a self-comforting excuse he used after failing to forget me and hate me.

If he had succeeded, his emotions wouldn't have been affected by me, and he wouldn't have had this hypothetical scenario.

Only through Claudia did I get to know Nicholas' inner thoughts for the first time. He hadn't really explained anything, which meant that everything she said was his true feelings.