Chalice.
"I told him before, I only took her there!" I cried out desperately, hating the way the words tasted like vomit on my tongue and the way my heart seemed to beat so fast, I feared it would jump right out of my chest if care was not taken.
"She was very close to you three and to Leilani, and I feared that she would try to make you all friends... and then you’ll find out that all I said to you guys about Leilani to make you all hate her were lies." I said, and as soon as those words got out, I heard a gasp.
I didn’t bother to care who had made that sound. I couldn’t even look up at them knowing that they were probably glaring down at me with nothing but contempt.
My heart raced in my chest, and I could swear that I felt the beginnings of a panic attack set in in the way my hands trembled slightly, and thank the stars that I was sitting, else, I wouldn’t have been able to stand upright.
Ignoring my obvious discomfort, Caelum snorted, his voice cold as he asked; "So you tried to hurt her?"
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Goddess, this boy used to love me so much! What the fuck changed?
"Answer the damn question!" Zevran bit in coldly, causing a chill to run down my spine.
I still couldn’t believe the hold he has over me. The way my heart would melt and shatter because he’d simply cast me a condemning look.
I shook my head; "I already told Jon these things, I tried to warn her to stay away from all of them but she refused so I tried to teach her a lesson..."
"By taking her there? To be raped by those men?"
"Yes!" I screamed, shaking violently as tears streamed down my face. "But I didn’t mean for it to end the way it did. I didn’t..." I sobbed, my voice trailing off as more tears poured down my face.
I hated that I was being questioned like a fucking criminal. Hated that this was all they had to do with me. My chest hurt to see that even in this state... plus burned scalp and all, all they could think about was some stupid confessions they wanted to drill out of me.
I shuddered. "I’m sorry," I cried, hoping that my pitiful voice was enough to make them stop.
But when I looked up to meet their eyes, do you know what I found?
No... no?
You don’t, right? Well, I’d tell you!
I found complete and utter disgust.
They were disgusted by me. By my presence. By the things that are now being brought to light because Jon could not simply keep his big mouth shut.
Something about that made the strings in my heart snap at the thought. It was painful to think that these men I have wanted more than life itself now see me as nothing but a distasteful pest. Tears pooled in my eyes and I whispered again;
"I am really sorry."
"When you found out that we were being accused of raping her, why didn’t you tell the truth? Why didn’t you try to vindicate us, instead, you came to tell us about Leilani being the one to lay the accusations?" Kael seethed, and it was at this point, that I knew that I was in a deep shit.
That my life was completely outrunning its course.
Something that felt and tasted like bile settled at the base of my stomach and I shook my head. "I was scared."
Which it was...
I couldn’t believe the things I was hearing. I couldn’t believe that my father... that my—
My heart began to pound against my chest as my breaths came out in short rasp pants.
Cold sweat broke out on my skin all of a sudden as I pressed myself deeper into my chair, shaking violently as tremors ran down my spine and rattled my entire body.
I gulped. "Tell me that it isn’t true. Tell me that my father is alive and healthy... and—"
"His funeral is tonight. You can ask his corpse to answer those questions for you when you see it." Caelum answered coldly and for the first few seconds, my mouth hung open in shock and then I dropped my head and began to cry so loudly, you would think I was on the verge of death.
And yes, I was.
—
For the next couple of hours, I tried to convince myself that they were wrong. That this was all just some dirty heartless trick to break me more than they have. But when I was called out of my cell later in the early hours of the morning, being dragged away like a thief and thrown onto the floor of the pack’s cemetery, I knew then and there that this was no cruel trick.
This was no ploy to break me.
This was real.
I had killed my father and still failed to escape like I had planned to... so all in all, I was a failure. A complete and utter sorry case.

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