Chapter 16
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Edwin said I had to speak aloud the things I didn’t want to remember and the people I didn’t want to mention. Not only that, I had to recall the beautiful past that now stood in cruel contrast to my present.
He explained that only then could I cut away the rotting flesh in my wounds with my own hands and let new, living tissue grow.
It sounded very brutal, but I still chose to undergo the treatment. I didn’t want to turn myself into a broken, suffering madwoman for the rest of my life just because of a failed marriage.
Of course, psychological counseling was a gradual process. Edwin didn’t expect me to unload every memory I had with Steve all at once.
After the first session, he prescribed me some anti-anxiety and antidepressant medication and told me to take them regularly. He also suggested that Steve and I should choose a proper burial site for our child and lay her ashes to rest in the ground.
This wasn’t just about respecting the child. It was also about giving myself closure. My marriage might have failed, but Steve would always be the child’s father. That fact couldn’t be changed.
I had but one selfish wish. I wanted my child to experience, even just once, the kind of fatherly
love Steve showed to Dorothy. Even if it was only once, I wanted that for my own child.
After picking up my medication at the hospital, I went home. I didn’t expect Steve to be at home at such an early hour.
In the past, aside from the time he spent meditating in the private chapel, he was almost always at the company. We barely exchanged more than a few words over breakfast. But ever since Isabel and Dorothy moved in, he had been coming home far more often.
So it wasn’t that he was too busy to come home after all.
When I walked in, Steve was sitting on the couch and flipping through a magazine. He glanced
up at me.
Instinctively, I hid the bag of medicine with the hospital logo on it behind my back. I didn’t want him to know I was seeing a psychiatrist. I didn’t want him to think something was wrong
my mind.
with
Sadly, I had overestimated my importance to him.
He had seen the medicine in my hand, yet he didn’t care to ask why I had it or what it was for.
X CLOSE
Chapter 16
There was no need for me to hide it, after all.
Remembering Edwin’s advice, I didn’t walk away. I stood in front of Steve and hesitated. I tried to figure out how to bring up the matter of burying our child.
“Do you have something to say to me?” Steve spoke first, setting the magazine aside. He looked as though he was genuinely paying attention to me.
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Just then, Maria came over with a bowl of beef stew while smiling warmly. “Mrs. Griffin, we had some premium beef from earlier. Mr. Griffin asked me to make this for you. It’s good for your anemia.”
I knew Maria meant well. She was trying to ease things between Steve and me. Nevertheless, I hated the feeling that what I ate, drank, or used depended on Steve’s charity.
Steve said calmly, “Drink it.”
He sounded like he was offering me a way out.
I refused. “No need. I don’t like eating other people’s leftovers.”
After all, this hadn’t been bought for me in the first place. Had Isabel gotten tired of it after eating it for days? Or was there simply too much that she finally thought of me?
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