Chapter 89
Chapter 89
Chapter 89
KIERAN
I didn’t think.
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This was the thing I understood afterward-not during, because during there was no space for understanding, only for the sequence of actions that the sequence required. But afterward, sitting on the ground outside St. Mira’s with the fire service doing its work around him and the evening cold against his face, I understood that there had been no constructed sequence. No assessed variables. No the-window-is-the-weakest-point as a considered conclusion.
I had simply been at the window.
I had been out of the car before it stopped-this I knew because James had said something from behind me, some word, and I had not processed the word, had been already moving, the car still decelerating when my feet hit the ground. The building in front of me: old brick, the smoke from the back section visible, fire units arriving from the east end of the street with the lights and the sound and the particular organized urgency of people who did this professionally.
The front was intact.
I had registered this and moved along the side of the building without deciding to move along the side of the building, because the front was intact and people were coming out of the front, children, a woman with grey hair who was counting heads with her hand on each one, and Denise was not among them.
The side corridor had a window.
I had not known this consciously. I had known it the way I knew things that my wolf knew without participation-the geography of a building that mattered because something inside it mattered, the particular layout assembling itself from the information I had absorbed in the months of paying attention to everything connected to her.
The window was low. Original frame, single pane.
I hit it with my elbow and the glass came in.
The cold air from outside met the air from inside and between them, underneath the smoke, clear as anything he had ever identified in his life-
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Chapter 89
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Her.
My wolf was fully present.
This was the notable thing-not later, now, in the moment of it. The suppressants that had been standard since I was seventeen. None of it was present. The wolf that lived underneath all of that was fully, completely online in a way it had not been in years, and it had found her scent in the smoke and it was going toward it.
I went through the window.
The glass had taken most of itself outward when it broke but there were fragments and he registered them distantly-the minor, irrelevant information of small cuts against the animal certainty of direction. The corridor was dark and the smoke was real and his eyes adjusted with the speed of something that wasn’t operating on the human timeline.
She was against the wall.
Ten feet from the window, which meant she had been moving toward it.
She was conscious-I established this before he reached her, the specific quality of someone who was present in a diminished way versus someone who was absent. Her eyes were open. She was looking at me with an expression that had several things in it, none of which I had the capacity to process in this moment except the most important one.
She knew it was me.
“I’ve got you,” I said. I didn’t know if I said it aloud. I thought he said it aloud.
She said something. I caught my name, or the shape of my name, and then she said something else that I didn’t catch because I was already moving-one arm under her knees, the other at her back, and she was lighter than she should have been which was the chemicals, the muffled wolf resources, the body not fully present.
I turned.
The window was ten feet away. My wolf carried me the ten feet.
Outside.
The cold air was immediate and absolute and he stood in it for one breath-just one, just the single necessary breath of someone re-entering a world with oxygen in it-and then I was moving away from the building, away from the smoke, toward the edge of the courtyard
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Chapter 89
where the old brick gave way to the pavement and the evening.
I sat down on the ground.
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