The Big Sky Alpha novel Chapter 147

147. The peace

FREYA POV

As I sat there feeling this helpless feeling of being all alone in this world, I began thinking about the

last time it felt like all hope was lost. When I died.

I remember feeling like holding my babies in those final moments was all that was going to be. I

remember thinking that my mother was going to be there to protect them. I remember feeling an odd peace knowing that no matter what Colt would always have Jessi, my dad, and my mother.

Now, if I die, he won’t have her. He would still have Jessi and my dad but the peace I had when I died knowing he would have my mother of all people to be with him and help him with our kids is

gone. I knew my kids would be okay because they’d still have the woman that raised me to help

raise them. That peace is gone, vanished, disappeared, along with the sense that we had

something to cling to for hope even if the worst happened.

I found myself crying. Not because I missed my mom, not because I’m grieving her loss, but

because the hope is gone. I have no more hope of making it through this apocalypse. How am I

supposed to have hope when I don’t have my mother, the goddess is gone, and the rest of the

world is basically burning in a metaphorical pit of hell on Earth?

After a few minutes I could sense that I wasn’t alone anymore. I mean, that someone was looking

for me and about to find me. I still felt very alone in the world, just not in that specific space.

I realized I was right when I saw my dad walking up to me. He looked very apologetic but also a

little nervous.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He asked.

I shook my head. He came to sit right next to me.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked.

“I was just um, trying to visit the goddess.” I answered.

He nodded his head, “She’s gone baby. I’ve been trying.” He responded.

“Everything there is different now. It’s all dead. It’s like she’s dead.” I said.

“Well, I don’t know if she’s dead, I think she just abandoned us.” He said back.

He took a deep breath in and signed it out, shakily.

“Freya baby, I need to speak with you. I know you’re not doing well.” He said.

“Colt come to you?” I asked.

He nodded back to me, “He’s worried about you. He thinks you’re not allowing yourself to grieve

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147. The peace

+25 Points

because you don’t know what happened to your mother.” He looked over at me with a look that

said if he had any more tears to cry, he’d be crying.

“He’s not wrong. I just don’t know how to feel other than sad. Sad just doesn’t really tell me how to

work through this other than just wallowing in my sorrow and I just can’t do that.” I answered.

I

He nodded his head in understanding, “I watched it happen, Freya. I was helpless and I couldn’t do

a single f*****g thing about what they were doing to her. I can’t tell you what they did Freya, I just

can’t. I can’t handle telling you and I don’t think it would do you any good to know what she went

through before she died. All that I can really tell you is that what they did was not humane. What

they did is not something any story could ever prepare you for. What they did was show us that

they’re real monsters. They’re a creation of the goddess that she should have never created. I think

she knew that, and that’s why she put the curse on them to begin with.” He told me very sternly.

“I understand dad, I just don’t know how to get through this.” I said back to him.

“Use what you feel. Sure, you’re confused but you’re also sad, you’re angry because you know that

whatever they did to her was so bad that we won’t even talk about it, you know that your mother

suffered, you know that they made her fight to no real end for her, you know that death was a

sweet release from her final moments. You need to use that and direct it towards making sure

your pack and your kids and your husband don’t have to go through what we went through.” He

answered me.

“That’s what I’ve been doing, but everyone seems upset about that.” I said.

“Well, honey that’s because you’re not allowing yourself to really live right now either. You still need to be a wife, a mother, and a friend. You just need to do it as well as work. Find a balance that works. Live with your family and loved ones and enjoy the time you have left with them, then when you’re not with them work you’re a*s off to ready your pack so maybe they won’t suffer as much as we did since we weren’t prepared for what came.” He told me, placing his hand on my shoulder to

offer his comfort to me.

I knew what he meant. I knew what I needed to do. left him with purpose this time. I went inside

and I found Jessi with my kids. I walked up to her and gave her a big hug. Tears fell from us both.

“I’m so sorry Jessi. I regretted saying any of those things to you as I was saying them I just couldn’t stop. I just…” I sobbed.

“It’s okay Freya, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I just wanted to help you get through it.”

She cried back to me.

“I promise I’ll start doing better Jessi. For you, for Hunter and Kira, and for Colt. I promise to start

doing better for the pack.” I said.

“I know you will, Freya. We love you; we all do.” Jess said, wrapping me back in her hug.