The Big Sky Alpha novel Chapter 33

COLT POV

F**K she hates me now. I don’t blame her. I was a pig. I’m not proud of what I did, I’m not proud of lying to her either. How can I make her believe I’ve changed? She’s not going to believe anything I say now.

“Please Freya, stop and let us talk about this?” I begged her, I need to just explain to her that

this was all before I found out we were fated. If I knew what I know now I would have done everything different!

I didn’t care who I was married to, why would I back then? My fated wasn’t in our pack, I was either marrying someone I didn’t love or I was marrying for power, at the time both Jasmine and Freya were both. Then I saw her, it all changed for me. The goddess made this beautiful woman just for me and now I’ve f****d it up!

She stopped and spun towards me, “The last time you said that to me I listened, I let you explain and then you just lied the whole time. It’s not going to be different now, the lies will change because you were caught!” she yelled, she was so mad and so sad it hurt me, I knew I did this to her. “Now I know why you didn’t want me confronting her with you, you were afraid this would happen.” she turned and started walking away, I’m pretty sure if she hadn’t she would have started crying.

I hate myself for this. I wish I would have been smarter about things. My mate hates me and our species is potentially ending because of the way I handled things. Some alpha I am.

“And another thing” she yelled as she kept walking “You can go sleep in the room you f****d those other women in!” damn, literally dog housed.

We reached the pack house and the worst possible thing happened. The haze set in. I could feel the heat instantly, maybe because I was already freaking out, but then I saw her realize it was hitting her.

“No, not now! Goddess why now?” she looked up to the sky and yelled. She turned to me, I felt helpless. I know I’m the last person she wants to be around right now, but this haze isn’t just going to go away on its own.

The tears started falling, I reached out to her face to just try to help, she slapped my hand away and then she ran. She took off in the forest, easily the worst place to go during the haze. We might have brought in more women to help, but if for any reason someone is out there and finds her before their haze partner then she might be in trouble.

“Go home Colt!” she yelled back.

“You can’t do this on your own Freya and I need to protect you!” I yelled at her. “Freya stop! Please!”

She kept running. After a minute I finally caught up with her quick little a’s. I grabbed her and got her to stop and hopefully calm down and think rationally.

“Why don’t you just go find Jasmine? I’m sure she’ll be happy to please you.” She cried.

“I don’t want her!” I’m trying to tell her, but she’s not going to listen to me. I have to keep trying.

“I want you Freya. Yes, I wanted her at one point but since I saw you in the river I haven’t wanted anyone else!” Goddess please say she’ll understand.

She looked at me, maybe trying to figure out if she believed me. The haze was so strong, I needed to be with my mate.

“I don’t know what to do!” she growled. “I can’t believe you, I want to but I can’t. Then there’s this stupid haze, I can’t think straight!”

“Let me help you.” I said, it would help us both. I’m not going to someone else to satisfy my haze, I won’t do that to either of us. She doesn’t believe it, but I love her.

“Of course you will, it’s all about sex to you isn’t it?” she hissed. “Well that and power.”

I sighed, “Before I knew I was fated, yeah.” I’m really not sure if honesty is helping me or hurting me here, but I can’t lie to her again. I want her to trust me.

“I don’t forgive you, I don’t trust you, and I’m still very upset.” she sighed, “but I can’t think straight, all I can think about is how painful it is not jumping on you right now.”

I knew what she was saying, and I was happy to fulfill her needs, and mine. I know this is going to take time, but right now we need to get through this so we can figure everything else out.

“Whatever you need baby.” I said as I grabbed her.

“Don’t call me that.” she demanded.

She didn’t want to look at me, I tried to take her against a tree but she turned from me. She bent over a large downed tree and threw her skirt over her a*s.

There was no love in this from her like there’s been before. I slid in her, and she bucked her hips back. She went with the motions and never looked back at me. I knew it was my fault, but I hated it.

The haze didn’t care what we were going through, the pain she felt by my stupidity, the pain I felt knowing I caused it… the haze cares about fulfilling lustful desires. If this is what we’re destined for with the haze never ending then I can understand why the oracle said it’s going to get bad.

When our haze was satisfied she dropped her skirt back down and turned to walk away, but I stopped her.

“I understand you’re angry with me and I understand. What I did was beyond stupid. There’s a million better ways I could have handled all of this but I didn’t and now I will pay for that.” I spoke like my life was on the line if she didn’t believe me, I guess in a way it kind of is. She can’t reject me, but she can leave and slowly kill us both.

“I didn’t care who you were when I made that deal with your father, I didn’t care about Jasmine either, she was just someone I knew I could at least enjoy sex with but I never loved her.” I sighed, “If I knew I was going to be fated to you I wouldn’t have agreed to any of it, I wouldn’t have chosen her for the haze, I would have done things very differently. I’m sorry Freya. I never meant to hurt you.” I pleaded.

She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them she sighed, “That’s all good to know, but you knew we were fated when you lied to me.”