The Big Sky Alpha novel Chapter 42

COLT POV

Given the hell I just endured over the past couple of days, the idea of ending this constant haze was music to my ears.

When I made the choice to lock myself up, I knew it would be bad, I knew there was the chance she’d never wake up, but it was a chance I was willing to take.

I had Harland lock me in, and he was the only one with a key to the cell I was in. I had the gammas switch the lock for a new one, and they swapped the cell bars out for ones from our current holding area because they are stronger and more reliable.

There was only one cell in there that was buried way in the back, no neighboring cells, no way to dig out, no way to collapse the walls and no way to mind link anyone else for help. The way I remember my father telling me, there’s no way one’s mate could feel their presence there either.

Perfect. The cell bars are made with the strongest metal. It isn’t holding in any old wolf after all, it’s holding a full blooded Big Sky alpha. I needed to not be able to break out.

Harland questioned my decision the whole way, I was beginning to worry that he’d cave if he saw me go crazy.

“Harland, I need you in this. Not only as my friend but as my mate’s father. I will not hurt her again, but I can’t control what happens during the haze. I need to be kept in here until she’s able to handle being with me.” I placed my hand on his shoulder sternly, “even if she never wakes. Do you understand?”

He sighed and began walking again, “Yes, and I admire what you’re doing here but don’t you think this will hurt her more if you are in here too long and nothing she can do will bring you back to her?” he asked, bringing up a concern I also had.

“It’s better than her living the rest of her life with me knowing that I cheated on her Harland. Trust me, she’d never forgive me and honestly I don’t think I could ever forgive me.”

“I will make sure you have food and water, the cell will never be opened unless it’s her doing the opening.” he said trying to reassure me.

We walked into the dungeon. The stench was atrocious. We walked to the back cell, there was only ever alphas locked in this cell back when it was used. I’d be the first ever Big Sky alpha though.

Harland opened the cell door, I had a bag with a few items like blankets and a pillow and a few books, hoping I’d keep my sanity just enough to be able to read a little. I emptied the bag on the cell cot and handed it to Harland. He closed and locked the cell door.

“Levi, Luke, and myself will be here three times a day to bring food and drinks until she can come open this for you.” he sighed again, and took a picture out of his pocket and handed it to me.

“To help remind you why you’re doing this.” he tapped his hand on the bar and wished me luck, then off he went. I looked down and saw a beautiful picture of my Freya.

I got everything set up and put her picture on my pillow. It wasn’t long after he left that the first haze hit. At first, it didn’t seem so bad. The urge was overwhelming but it wasn’t eating at.

I tried relieving myself, for well over an hour, but I couldn’t even come close. It became painful, I couldn’t do it anymore but not doing it hurt too. There was no win. Max had the idea to shift to him and try, that didn’t work. It just made him more and more pissed off.

He gave control back to me after a few hours. When the door to the dungeon opened I prayed it was Freya. I prayed it was her each time. They all swapped bringing me food and water. No plates, no glass, no plastic, no utensils and water was brought to me in deer skin water bags so I couldn’t break the cups to try to bust the lock open.

I got angry with myself for how prepared I was for this. The first two I made it through, barely. That third one though, that’s when I began to lose it. I clawed at the walls, I bit at the cage door, I went to the back of the cage and ran to the gate slamming myself into it. At one point I knocked myself out doing that.

I tried shifting to Max but he didn’t want control, he was losing it as bad as I was and he wouldn’t accept control. I stayed half shifted not wanting to take control back.

I lost count of how many hazes had hit after that because it all just felt like one never ending haze that tore through me. The pain was excruciating, I couldn’t stand it. I stared at her picture remembering how I hurt her, seeing her tears that I caused because I was an idiot and I kept telling myself “I deserve this.”

At some point Harland decided it was just him bringing the food and water to me because I only smelt him. I never paid mind to him though, he did just as we agreed, though I know he wanted to open it and let me out and end my suffering he never did.

When Freya walked in, I saw her and thought it was in my head. I wanted so desperately to see her, to feel her that I knew my mind was playing tricks on me. I’d hallucinated her a couple times before, so that wasn’t anything new.

Then I heard the key in the lock, I wanted to control myself so bad but I couldn’t. I’d gone eerily close to feral. I kept screaming at myself to stop and let her go. Then, she told me she’d be okay and I knew I could get through this with her.

It took a few minutes of being inside her and finally getting close before I took back my control. When I finally got back to myself I had to see her, I had to kiss her.

She quite literally saved me, and I was not nice and easy about it. She didn’t care though, she wrapped herself around me and kissed me like she needed it as bad as I did. When I released, I thought it was over, but I couldn’t control the shaking. The pain was still there, it wasn’t easing up, I began to worry.

She knew, she let me take her over and over. This woman is better than anything I’ll ever deserve. I’ve never been a wonderful man. A good alpha sure, but I’ve enjoyed killing, I’ve enjoyed sex with a woman before I mated, I’ve lied, I’ve even killed people who didn’t deserve.

She knew these things, but she still endured the pain of me devouring her until I finally got to a point I could handle it. She even went another time with me when we got back to our room and I knew the goddess took pity on me because the pain stopped, the shaking stopped, the urge stopped.

Freya is not just my mate, she’s my entire heart and soul and I knew as I was washing her in the shower that I would literally burn this entire world to the f*****g ground if anything happened to her, and I would go to the deepest circles of hell to save or protect her without a second thought.

Now, Eunice is going to walk us through what to do to end this never ending haze so I can properly be with my mate and officially make her my Luna.