The Alpha and His Contract Luna (Lauren) novel Chapter 49

“I was able to cancel the fashion show so you shouldn’t worry too much.” Claire tells me through the phone. “Just concentrate on getting better” she adds.

I don’t say anything for a while. Just stare outside. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything. Or talk to anyone. That included Claire.

She visited me while we were in the hospital. A couple of times actually. She has always been there for me. In my darkest time, and even now when things took a dive for the worst.

“Ren, are you still there?”

For the first time since I can remember, I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want her comfort. I just wanted her to leave me alone.

She may be my bestfriend and she may say she understands how I feel, but she never will. Her life has been perfect. Except for the part where we were raised in an orphanage. Everything else in her life has turned great.

She has a loving mate who would go to the ends of the world for her. A mate who loves her more than the very air he breathes. She is happy while I’m still not. I’m still chasing the elusive happily ever after.

Even after all these years, I am yet to get my happily ever after. In fact I am beginning to think that I never will.

So as much she wants to be there for me, she will never truly understand how I feel. First to be betrayed by Darren. Then by Sebastian.

“Renny?” she calls again.

I sigh. Fuck, can’t she get the hint that I don’t want to talk to her? I sound bitter but can you honestly blame me?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not jealous of her and I would never be. But I just want something similar to what she has. A loving and loyal mate. Happiness and contentment.

“I’m really tired, Claire. Can we talk another time?” I lie.

I have done nothing but sleep since I came here. She didn’t need to know that though. I needed to be alone and wallow in my misery.

“Sure, but just know that I love you Renny and that I’ll always be here for you” she says softly.

I can tell that I have hurt her feelings. That she is fighting back tears. I guess she just knows me so well and she knows I don’t want to talk to her. That’s what happens when you’ve spent your entire life with someone. You know them like the back of your hand.

“I know, and I love you too” I say before hanging up the phone.

With nothing occupying my mind, my thoughts turn to my memories. Every night I wake up shaking and drenched in my own sweat.

Every night I am afraid of turning into that beast and killing. I know whoever we killed were bad men but I just can’t shake the feeling of guilt.

I don’t want anyone’s blood on my hand. Whether that person is good or bad. The beast inside me seems not to share the same thoughts though.

I remember killing the man that had kidnapped me. I enjoyed killing him, in fact I downright loved it. That’s not me. I don’t want to be the kind of person that is thrilled when they’re out there killing. That would make me a psychopath.

Needing a breath of fresh air, I leave my room. On my way outside, I don’t talk to anyone. Just keep my eyes down and mind my own business. I get a few ‘Hey Luna’ but I ignore them and keep moving.

Once I get outside I shift and ran. I wasn’t sure where I was running off to but I needed to get rid of the tension.

“Don’t stop running till I tell you” I tell Blue.

The wind zipping past our fur was beginning to relax me a little. I started feeling a bit calmer. Sebastian had the largest pack land in the country. So I knew I had a lot to cover. Hopefully by the timeI finish my run I will be wiped out.

“I am not planning to. We need this. I need this” comes her reply.

I keep my mouth shut from there on and just observe through her eyes. She ran. Hunted small animals and after probably an hour or so, we went to the stream.

She flopped on the ground and placed her head on our paws. We stayed there like that. Just enjoying the peace and quiet.

That’s until she brought up our current mate.

“What are we going to do about Sebastian?”

I sigh at that. There goes my peace and quiet.